Vampires & Candy

Uneasy Heart, Beating Hard

2011-12-09T05:24:00.000-08:00

That's a glimpse of having a heart condition.

For the ordinary person, that just relates to anything one does and regrets. When your heart feels crappy, that's life giving you karma - you probably f***ed up.

To anyone who says there's no way to naturally tell what's right from wrong, this is life giving you a little measuring indicator. One's conscience is real, but few listen to it.

If you're wondering why I'm even bothered to write about this whole good judgement concept, I can summarise it to a simple sentence. Some people just don't get it that sometimes they can be wrong.

As a friend, I will always lend a listening ear to whoever needs it. It's what friends do. Nonetheless, I will still tell it as it is. If you're wrong, I'm sorry but I'll tell you that you are wrong. Supporting a person doesn't mean that you give in when they fish for sympathy. I can support any friend, regardless whether you are in the right or wrong. I support them by helping them make more informed choices, and if they need someone to help them through it I'll be there.

I guess no one just wants to be the 'go-to guy' when in trouble and after that, just left stranded to fend for himself.

Especially now when even I'm struggling with my own problems, those who I've helped before don't even have the courtesy to reply my smses. It really leaves me lost.

I'll swallow these words later (hopefully), but I've always believe what goes around comes around.

And yes, the words get confused.

Self-Destruction Or Inner-Eruption?

2011-12-02T03:02:00.000-08:00

Two very different things. One explodes, the other one can be a silent implosion.

I've been working hard this past week. To summarise the week's events: Commentary @ SITEX, lots more of NS stuff, and of course trying to work on a few 'secret projects'. I've even had to dig time out to meet some old friends.

One good thing about work is that you can drown out all your thoughts, forget about all the unpleasant stuff which you don't really want to focus on. I'm not saying my life has anything which is particularly disturbing. I'm merely suggesting that everyone has problems, big or small, which we can get pretty sick of sometimes.

For example, I don't like dreaming about scenes from my childhood, where I'm doing something fun. Suddenly, I spring back to reality and can't seem to remember what 'fun' thing I used to do as a kid. (Okay, I've been thinking about this for about a week now. It's bugging the fishsticks out of me). And there are times when I dream about girls I like and used-to like.

It's not just annoying. It's also a very embarrassing reminder. Do you have any clue how socially awkward I can be around some women?

Nah, I'm a suave gentleman.

Did you hear that? My dignity self-destructed.

And that sound which follows is me scurrying to piece back the remaining few bits of it.

The point of this post? I think it started as me wanting to say something about now stressing over work. After writing all this though, I realise I don't stress over work. I enjoy most of it. And even when I don't, I take it that there's a lesson for me to learn.

Then what the hell is this all about? I wrote a piece of work about impending self-destruction only to realise I'm not really on the verge of doing so. Brilliant.

Or maybe the lesson here is: we all need an outlet.

And yes, mine's writing.

Revitalization, Or Whatever That Means

2011-11-22T06:07:00.000-08:00

Is this a blog post which I see before me? The keyboard towards my hand? Come, let me type thee.

For lack of a better excuse, I've been lazy. If I had a decent excuse, is that I have been having a great time in life. Without counting in work of course. The amount of projects I've been doing with the guys, it's been a great ride. We've yet to even see the fruits of our labour. But I definitely foresee enjoyment.

I'm gonna ORD in less than 90 days time. I hope that gives me a better grip on my life. I don't get to post enough fun stuff, because of a few reasons:

It's just a regular army day - and I don't talk about work (unless its enjoyable)
What I'm doing is suppose to be a secret
I'm a lazy bastard

That sums up it all really. I like using this excuse: Work drains this shit out of me. There simply isn't enough energy to blog it. Dude, I have to relive the experience just to reflect about it here.

Do you think this will change when I start adjusting back to civilian life? I personally want to believe so.

Another reason I wanted to get back here, was because Christmas is coming soon. And like every other Christmas, I make this list of stuff I want to do, alongside my list of presents to buy for everyone. This was on the 'stuff-to-do' list.

Why? This thing is suppose to be dead. I know. It's suppose to be. But with my deteriorating English standard, I better damn well do something about it. I was embarrassed trying to help a friend write an essay. And of course, this place has always been a home , and even a little memoir. It's charted my growth from my childhood days. I would like to continue this.

Revamping this blog skin will take time. I might be too lazy to do that. Honest.

I'm gonna work at this. More posts, more insight, more of my narcissistic-philosophical crap. All I can guarantee is that it's A-Grade, and genuine.

And if you don't see anything posted within the next week, expect a 'revive' post a few months down the road.

And yes, I think rejuvenation sounds better.

Ticking Bombs & False Alarms

2011-06-28T05:07:00.001-07:00

There are times when I really scare myself for lack of reason. And there are times where lack of reason leaves me scared.

I'm juggling with the fact that I can't go back to the days where I could exercise, where I could go for a nice run when I felt guilty from eating too much. Gone are the days where I could attend Tae-Kwon-Doe lessons, throw a few kicks, unleash a nice torrent of sweat, then head home feeling satisfied from working out. And nothing feels better than giving a nice leg-punch to a guy who's bigger than you (when you're my height, it's an awesome feeling - I'm just saying).

This heart thing is really getting to me.

Call me image conscious, because then again who isn't? Everyone wants to look good, or at least know that they are looking their best. I honestly miss how I look. Compare photos back then and now, I might be paranoid by saying that I look more confident back then than now. (Okay, but I will self-admittedly say that I still retain the ultimate charm the male species can offer)

It's scary when old clothes don't fit, the style you were so used to just doesn't match anymore, the people you once knew look at you and wonder how come so much has changed when it's only a change in the physical perspective. I'm sure many of you (in fact, I think almost all of you) wouldn't understand what it's like to not be able to sprint for a bus without feeling weak and exhausted. And it's fine, no one should have to live life feeling chained up.

But if you do, then at least make sure you learn to enjoy it. Masochists have learned how, you should to.

Not saying that I'm a masochist in any way (but I do like it when a woman puts me down and calls me a bitch - wait, I may be revealing too much).

At the end of the day, there are some things which you must tell yourself - accept the things which you cannot change. Then you must also come to realise, you must change the things which you cannot accept. I think that sounds about right. Some things, I cannot help. But what's within my control, I make damn sure I make it work out somehow.

Speaking of making damn sure, I'm loving the new TBS album. Don't ask me how I got it.

So that's about it really. I think I might just be on a quest to help myself, well, gain a better outlook on life. Excellent.

And yes, kaboom.

A Lesson On Gaming

2011-05-20T03:28:00.000-07:00

Or rather, lessons I learned from playing games in general.

Coming from a guy who spends a good part of his life interested in all things gaming, you've gotta reflect once in a while - just what the hell have I learned from all these years? Is there some way I can defend my lifestyle choice? I bet you there is.

And just so we're on the right side of the same motherboard, I'm the kind of guy who plays all sorts of games. RTS, FPS, RPGs, MMORPGs, MOBAs, arcade games, music games, dancing games, racing games, puzzles and even pokemon (which to me is still an RPG). Tried and tested, a gamer to the core.

I think I'm a fairly good player. I especially like playing team games just because celebrating victories is way more fun when there's more than just you. You see, simple life lesson learnt right there. I'm sure that I've become a team player through gaming. Just because it doesn't involve making money, doesn't make it less of a team-bonding event. And it doesn't make it less fulfilling either. Remember when you were young, running and playing team catching? The feeling of winning was exhilarating? The sheer thought of triumph filled your soul?

Yeah, I never played team catching, so I really don't know.

But what I do know, is that winning in anything gives a great feeling (unless you killed a few people literally in the process of doing so).

Why can't games be like real life? If only life could be as so. Or is it already?

Life is like the RTS game which you suck at. For me, that would be, well, almost every game. Multi-tasking? Not a common trait for a man. Interior design for a base? I leave that to creative women. I am really so much better at turn-based games simply because not everything happens at once. Real time is just too complicated, too fast paced and to easy to judge and misunderstand.

When a girl talks to me, I want to treat it like it's a turn-based RPG. Give me some time to prep before the encounter. I can equip myself, train myself and read-up all the facts about the upcoming battle till I am satisfied. Then when we actually do meet, I can just pwn the s*** out of you. I'll pick up your loot and brag to all my friends about it.

If life were the world of Pokemon, I'd be spamming balls at you - hopefully letting you eventually live under my belt.

Don't be mistaken though. Life isn't a game. Not even close. It's suppose to be 10x more fun than any game you'll ever play. No dating simulation can ever replace a real life girl. Sure, you can modify your virtual girls to have the perfect stats (awww yeah), but you'll never get the one thing which is so great about real people - unpredictability.

Nothing beats a surprise of the heart, a genuine response and the gift of a new revelation.

Life and love, like a game, just better.

And yes, aced myself back into blogging.

Things I Don't Say Aren't Things I Don't Feel

2011-02-11T17:36:00.000-08:00

Likewise, things which hurt but aren't show are painful and real.

On one hand, it's pretty much disappointing that I have to come to my blog to vent out frustrations (and I think I've been only using this as a platform for such things in recent posts). Blogging is suppose to be a fun thing to me. A creative outlet what have you. But I think life has been such a downer for the past few months or so that I haven't really wanted to update this blog.

Recently, I have to say I've reached my limit. With so many things and so many people. No one likes their world falling down on them. No one. When you're a kid, you used to hate it when your parents left your side. To them - that was their world falling apart. The thing is, most kids grow out of it and they become numb to the idea that their parents are their whole world. It's just an analogy. But I feel that my world is coming apart too - only I don't know what will ease the anxiety.

Why am I frustrated? People. That's what frustrates me. People and their lack of social awareness and their selfish desires. Everyone has the right to be 'somewhat' selfish. But I never believe in being selfish to the point of breaking bonds. You only make friends once. Some hurts cannot be reversed. Next to family, friends are all you have.

So in my heart, I do what's right. That's my selfish desires. But would I do right by stepping on my friends? Bitch please, I'd put my life on the line for them.

Or at least I still think I would for some.

And yes, put your ear to the speaker and choose love or sympathy.

I Did Knot See This Coming

2010-11-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

That's when all your thoughts are just tied up.

As a way to distract myself, I've decided to revamp my blog. Visually speaking. Not just in layout, but with the posts as well. I forget how boring I felt wordy books felt. They were bad. Even if it was a great Shakespearean play, I could not stand the lack of pictures.

They say men are visual creatures. I guess that's why I like watching prawn movies. Crustaceans are the best, always so lively!

But distractions aren't everything. They don't keep a person sane for long. They prolong insanity if anything. I've covered everything that I can do to keep my mind off personal problems. Drafting when I'm sad, hanging out with my friends when I'm sad, playing my online games (all of them), and even my favourite of all - sleeping. You can't shake sadness off so easily.

But I must say that friends make a big difference, whether they know it or not.

I've mentioned this a few times, but I'm a big believer of karma.

And yes, I'm a frayed knot.

Dreaming Up Disaster

2010-11-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

And when I say dreams, I mean literally dreams. The kind where you fall asleep, have your happy state of REM and if you're lucky enough manage to enter a somewhat imaginary world of infinite possibilites.

Not the metaphorical kind like 'ambition', 'goals' and 'fantasies'. Especially not fantasies. No way am I going to tell you about my deep fetish for all things whip and chain related.

Oops.

Lately, I haven't been having the best dreams. People always hope that when they dream at night, it would be of something wonderful. Like horseback riding for some of the girls. Or for the guys, bareback riding. Or for some others, brokeback riding. I'm just saying. Dreams are something a whole lot of people look forward to after a crazy day of work.

Especially since Inception created such a big buzz this year. Now everyone's asking the question "What the f*** is a dream?". Freud used dreams as basis for psychoanalysis. Some believe that it is a reflection of your innermost thoughts and desires. Others disregard them as just passive movie time while the body rests. Look, if I wanted movie time while resting I would watch Twilight. You'd definitely enter a deep sleep.

For me, dreams are complicated. As an aspiring psychologist, I want to take the value of a dream to be that as defined by the book. But there's another part of me which finds dreams so much more fascinating. Have you ever wondered if there were such dreams which could project the future? I'm not saying I can, because that's crazy. But it has happened. Is this an X-File case? No. I'm sure there's reason behind it.

Maybe I anticipate things which I feel are to come. Intuition isn't a psychic prediction - it's the ability to have good sense of what is to come. This could translate into me thinking about it subconsiously and thus projects itself in my dreams.

Obviously not all my dreams come true. If they did, boy, would I have fun hanging out with Paris Hilton and Nozomi Sasaki in real life. Unlike Liverpool, I think I'll definitely score some.

At the end, this post isn't written with all jovial intentions. On the contrary, these thoughts stem from sad thoughts which need an outlet. A dream means nothing when you wake up. This is the first metaphor. This is me waking up. The good old dream prediction strikes again.

And yes, dream a little dream of me.

Dancing with the Scars

2010-11-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

We all sometimes pretend that life is a game. Or in this case, a reality TV show.

If you think Harry Houdini was a great escape artist, wait till you meet me. I'll pull off one of the best escaping acts this generation has seen yet - the narrow escape from reality. Escapism is no easy feat.

When people get hurt, or at least perceive hurt, we all have this automated response to find solace somewhere, somehow. Some people cry, some beat others up, some run to their computer games, others tweet to the rest of the world (but considering you only have about 100 followers on Twitter, it really isn't a lot of people). But I know some people who, when hurt, smile.

That's right - smile.

What do you think it means? Are they trying to deceive themselves? Are they trying to cover up the pain? Or is it all just a brave front not to cry?

I think it's something beyond that. They are better that that. There is no need to "cover up" for them. That smile isn't fake. It comes from a place where they actually understand themselves.

When bad things happen, it happens for a reason. If you believe in that, you believe in moving on. Whether you take it as a hard truth is a different matter. If you believe it, you just accept that fact that things happen and that your life will recover. If you take it as a hard truth, you choose to seek out the alternative to what you've lost.

To smile when you're sad, what I think it truly means, is to live life without regrets. Knowing that you've done what you're heart has told you from the start is enough. If it has brought about sadness, at least it was well worth it.

Smiling also means "Hey, don't sympathise me. I'm stronger than that."

If you had to choose to run away from reality or to face your dark times with a smile, which would you choose?

I'd choose to smile. At least that way we can still cheer on the lives of others.

And yes, smiling doesn't mean you can't cry at the same time.

It's All I've Never Known

2010-10-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

There's this familiar feeling. The one where you get bested by yourself. And it's not all that great. It's a little bit of happiness and just a little bit of embarrassment.

Sometimes you think you really know what something is, but then you get a new feeling and you realise how wrong you previously were. It's like, you've always believed that you just hated eating snails. Then one day, you feel adventurous and decide 'What the heck, just one won't hurt. I'm at a fancy restaurant anyway.' And then it hits you: You love escargot.

But then you read an article about how unhealthy it is and fatal it can be. You stop eating it again. Well, that is until you read that there are actually purification methods to make it healthy. Cycles, cycles.

You think you know what love is. A billion and one preconceptions, a billion other anticipations. You fall in love, you realise you got it wrong. You move on, thinking you've learned something. You meet someone new. You think you'll get it right this time. You try. Nope, wrong again. You realise that you still don't know it. You learn, you move on.

This is one of the harder cycles of life. The simpler ones being tricycles, bicycles, unicycles and test...let's not go there.

But it doesn't mean it's futile. Because you can't fabricate genuine feelings, let alone replicate them. Each feeling you have, if you know it's really in your heart, you will do what you can to protect it. Regardless whether you know that this perception of what is "right" will change in the future, what you feel now is real and it's what you "fight" for.

I think that's why love is complex. People have placed in centuries of thought and banter (imagine the amount of saliva used to talk about it) into unraveling the mysterious subject - and still we are no where close to a simple solution. But I like that. Nothing worthy comes easy. Everything worth something is well worth the hard journey.

On a sidenote, anything worth an average value is best achieved through the Singaporean way of "little effort, max value". Singapore mentality +1.

So whatever I've perceived love to be in the past, or any other emotion for that matter, I'll always remember what they were. But not what they are now. Not because I learn more ever time though. Oh, of course not.

It's because each feeling is special and isn't just a ctrl+c and ctrl+v from the past. It's new, it's real and it's sincere. You love with what you have, there is no secret formula. And that is a good thing. Because when you find that someone, you give it all you got and not look back in anger.

Either that or mail-order bride. Your choice.

And yes, Vietnam over Thailand.

Time Turns & Sun Burns

2010-10-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

I know everyone that everyone knows about my epic group of friends. I wonder if anyone actually knows the story of how it all began, and what made me realise that they mean so much to me.

So, National Service is a great time to reflect about almost ANYTHING. Well, except for sexual orientation - if you're not full-fledged man, you're gonna get full-fledged f***ed. For sure. I mean, not that I know anything about it but just think for a second. An organisation which embodies the very essence of masculinity. They wouldn't take lightly to those who choose the bent way of life.

I for one am a straight guy who is pro-homo. Make no mistake.

Okay, I digress. Back to where this is all suppose to lead.

Amidst my various tasks of the day (which can get pretty hectic sometimes), I like to think about where I stand now and how it all summed up to me being who I am. How did I become this incredibly charming, witty, genius and, moreover, a "cut above the average" male sex symbol? Again, I digress.

I received an sms today from an unexpected someone. Someone I haven't seen in a long while. During our exchange, he mentions about theCrew. I was caught off guard. It's been a long time since anyone addressed us like that. It brought back lots of old memories. The conversation continued, but I think I'll touch on what I thought about during the time I was waiting on his reply smses.

It's funny how I met them. We weren't classmates (then). We didn't really know each other very well. But somehow, after spending some time with each other, it clicked. It was easy, as I remembered it. Bus trips almost everyday. A few trips to a LAN shop. And of course good lunch meals. That was all it took for me to start enjoying the company of these guys.

But I guess you would say it was the tip of the iceberg.

And I think you all know the rest.

So back to where my sms conversation left off. I told my friend that it was funny that he still remembered us by that name. It's not too often we hear others say it. His reply really reminded me why I feel so privileged to be with them. And I dare say, my friends are some of the greatest people I know. Quote:

"You're lucky. It's rare to find friends who directly affiliate themselves together under a forged common identity. Unlike clubs and sports CCA people who just hang out after they leave school, you guys are diverse and yet click so easily. Sometimes on-lookers can get jealous that you guys are that tight whether you know it or not"

If you're reading this, mystery friend, hope you don't mind me posting it.

And yes, you will never ___ alone.

Classic Case of Horrid Taste

2010-10-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm just plain bad at critical moments.

It's that feeling, always creeping behind you, knowing that in retrospect that you could have made things much much much better. Your choice of words, sentence structure, body language, actions and reactions. Things could have possibly gone so much better. In the moment, yeah, you thought you did all you could. But recount the story and all you can think is "Damn, I could have nailed it".

I'm talking about critical points in life. Times when you know it's a point of no return. That's why I'm particularly bad at long farewells. If someone goes away for more than 2 months, you can feel it. Some call it being a little over-sensitive, but I guess that's me. I like appreciating the people who make a difference in my life - they are the ones that make living interesting.

The last time one of my best friends left Singapore for Shanghai for about 6 weeks, sure it wasn't 2 months, but it was bad enough. You may think "Yeah, you've got the internet man - it solves things". Last time I checked, the internet is the place which leaks private sex tapes, hosts trolls who break little girls' spirits and rule 34. Consequences will never be the same. The internet helps maintain a bridge, but the feeling is hardly the same.

I may be able to see you face to face, but it doesn't mean I can hold you while you're crying. I may be able to hear your voice, but I can't bring you our nostalgic places to reminisce about life. That's how I felt countless about the people close to my heart who walked through the Departure gates of Changi Airport, and who the next time I saw were on Skype with me. My mother, Wei Ren, Jon and even Sab. Mama went to Manchester for her Masters Degree. Wei went to Shanghai for girls and studies (but definitely not the study of girls). Jon went to Perth for a good time with Randall. And Sab for her exceptionally expensive honeymoon.

Maybe it's just me, but physical distance actually counts for something. Even on holidays, I can sometimes feel like something's missing. After a day of travelling, and you're back in your hotel room, sometimes all you think is "Man, I would really like to share this moment with so-and-so". And then, you get all excited about the stories you wanna share with everyone when you get back home.

I think that's why coming home to warm smiles feels so emotionally liberating.

Surprisingly though I learned a lesson of life from an unexpected source, quote "It's quite amazing if a friendship can last through distance and time, especially long ones - it's the true mark of a great friendship". Okay, it wasn't exactly word for word. It was originally in Mandarin, so I just refined it and made it English. Sounds better anyway.

So I continue to countdown. Some people like Wei who are scheduled to come back in 5 months, and others like Vicky who are supposedly coming back in 2 years - it's tough. These are some of the people whom are really important to me. Critical even. Yeah, I have some great people around me here already too, i.e the rest of my awesome crew, but everyone brings a bit to the table. When you're missing a part, it's never the same.

But best friends stand the test of time.

And yes, just like fine wine.

The Flowers & The Showers

2010-08-08T05:31:00.000-07:00

Happiness is sometimes just a state of mind. Literally. You have to state what's on your mind to reach it.

Sometimes, I think of beautiful imagery as a reflection of what I think of others. Just like the title of this post. To me, it's a beautiful picture. Imagine, grey skies, a gloomy yet harmless rainfall. And in the middle of that picture are flowers. Beautiful, beautiful flowers. They could be any colour. Pink, red, yellow, bright blue.

Your main subject contrasts against your background. And although the context which it is set in feels almost disheartening, you can't deny that the flowers are indeed still wonderful. They make the picture almost hopeful and maintains a sense of happiness amongst an atmosphere of sadness.

I don't feel emotions as words. When you try to "think" of a feeling, what often triggers it? For me, I feel it in the form of pictures. How I feel towards someone, it mostly comes out as a visual scene.

Oh and before anyone gets excited about this post having a "cool story, bro" moment at the end I'll have to cut you right there. This is more refelctive than anything else.

The reason I chose that exact image was because it was what lingered in my head for most of the day. I think it's a great representation of how I feel right now. What happens when you find something you really like? The old dilemma used to be "Should I try to get it or should I give up". That was when I realised that waiting made no one happy. Ever.

But now, what happens when you've done it and everything looks great! Except for the fact that you know you're going to lose it. Like life gave you no choice. Or at least no wise choice. There are a million things on my mind right now, and it's hard to get any of it straight.

If only blog raging were so easy. Especially on this blog, you know, since it's all intellectual and stuff.

But really, I think I'm doing all I can to not regret life anymore than I should. Because living with regret is worse than living with sadness as a consequence. At the end of the day, the most important is to love and live selflessly.

And I think the thing I'm most glad about now, is that I stick to true to my moral beliefs. That's a good consolation.

And yes, finally moving on.

Friends And Loose Ends

2010-07-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

You know what sucks sometimes? Meeting your best friends 'other friends'.

Not because they are "bad" people, or they are "dirty bastards". They aren't. It's the fact that you know "Damn, they are way cooler than you'll ever be". And in a way, like every other typical guy, it hurts the ego.

I take that back, it doesn't just apply to typical guys. Girls, non-typical guys, we all get that.

If you think 'ego' is strictly a guy thing, you are wrong. Women may say they are fine with alot of things, but we all know the truth. "Yeah, sure, we can go eat whatever you like", they say now. One Japanese meal later "Raw fish isn't the best way to charm me you know?". "I don't mind you hanging out with you other gal pals, they are cool" on one hand, and the other goes "Fine, cheat on me right in front of my face while you're at it".

But I think my opinion stems a little from low self-esteem too. Sometimes we can't see how good we really are too. I find myself wanting to be better for my friends, knowing that they can do so much better than me. I wonder what I do which is integral to their lives.

You know, it's knowing that even I find myself irritating to me at times which makes me think "How can they still be so cool with me". And sometimes we want to hold back comments to friends, but inside our hearts we know that it's how we truly feel - that conflicting feeling. My friends are truly the best, but why do I still have little bitter thoughts? Maybe I'm the one who's not accepting enough? Others seem to get them great.

So I keep on questing to be a better person. For my friends, that is the least I can do.

And I honestly don't know why I place so much importance in my friends. Some people think it's really fake, but I can honestly say it's one of those rare genuine feelings I have. My friends are that important to me. I don't exaggerate, I tell it as it is.

And my favourite part, truth be told, is knowing that I can do almost anything when I'm with them.

So I work hard to stay a part of them. Losing them would be a great pain in my life.

And yes, my sack of rice.

Pale Horses & My Old Crosses

2010-07-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

No one likes to see people walk out on their lives. Ironically, it's a fact of life.

I sent my prayers to my good friend Wen Chuen's grandfather as I visited his wake earlier this week. It's not easy to lose a loved one, and unlike many other things, it doesn't get easier with each additional one that you go through. Sometimes they hurt more.

Here's just a side authors note: When writing philosophical and/or emotional pieces, listening to Keane helps. Listening to Justin Bieber hinders. Listening to Miley, it's probably gonna come out crappy-ier than you expect.

As I sat down and talked to some of my best friends about death, I started telling them about how I want to be when I go out of this world. Sure, as you lay in the coffin, you won't feel much. But a wake isn't about the guy inside, it's about the people who look over it. And the more I think about leaving this world, I start to think less about me and more about those who love me (and vice versa). Fact of life number 2 - we begin to see what is important when things start to seem fleeting.

So how do I want to have my funeral?

It has to be a celebration. A big freakin' party. It's gotta have music, great food, drinks all around. But of course, the most important part of any party is the people. Not just anything about the people - happy, smiling people. That makes a real party. I think fun brings out all the great memories that people share together. Since it's gonna be my last time with them before I turn to ash, might as well make one more?

Sounds twisted? To me, not at all. I'll always remember my friends and family as people who have supported my fun, provided warmth and happiness, given me shelter (physical and emotional) when I needed it. I'll stick to that concept of my life being exactly that till the end. Just because I'm lifeless in a box, doesn't mean everyone else should.

Wei Ren's idea was a notch above mine. A miami party with my coffin in the middle of a pool. Thinking about that, yeah, it would be pretty awesome. I mean, a whole bunch of bikini-clad girls around me at my last physical moments on Earth? Hell to the yes. Or maybe, it should be heaven to the yes.

The only problem would be Chen in a bikini. Not a nice sight from heaven still.

But life is still early for me. Decades shouldn't be summed up in a few minutes. Because life isn't about the end-point, it's the process. I will damn well learn to love the process.

Does that last line seem like I'm listening to a Miley song as I write this? Trust me, it's pure coincidence.

And yes, somewhere only we know.

On The Rocks, Paradox

2010-07-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

Whoever said alcohol is bad for you was lying.

My, it only kills your liver, make you do stupid things in public, break-up with your girlfriend and/or wife (or wives) for deep underlying reasons which you were too afraid to say, get a tattoo you'll regret when your hangover headache is over, vomit on the cushion couch and maybe even let you sleep with a girl who's not in your league - probably way way lower league than you. Yes, and I do mean that screwing a bridge troll is probably more appealing.

Only lucky people like me get the solid 10s - even when sober.

No, I kid. I usually get the solid 10s when I'm asleep. That's good enough for me really. In my dreams, I'm usually the buff action-packed hero which just knows all the right words and all the right moves. Moreover, I'm taller than Jet Li (and that speaks mountains).

It's been about 4 years since I was first introduced to the magic liquid courage of alcohol. Yes, my tolerance has gone down - but not in vain. Years of training have allowed me to hold it better within me (and not to be thrown out). While it isn't the healthiest lifestyle, it's a great business tool. Somehow, everything seems funny when you're high. So use it to your advantage! Hold yours well, and let your charm gush forth out of you!

Okay, I think I digress. I only started talking about alcohol because I realise something big is about to happen. Something in October is gonna be huge. Now, I'm not gonna say what it is but it's definitely a buffed up event. I'm talking about the biggest buns ever, mixed in with a little sexy time and an added bit of spartan fun.

Be prepared because this will blow your mind.

Tentatively, it's gonna be on October 16th. Invite all your friends. Invite your whole army of Spartans. It's gonna be epic. Expect swimming pools, bikini babes, bikini dudes and washboard abs (mainly from my best bro).

Yes, we're thinking large scale this time. We're letting the dogs out and ready to roll. Alcohol, girls, guys with great bods and just a genuine fun time? What more could you ask for. Notice I didn't make that a question only because it isn't a question - it's a bold statement to say we know it's as big as it can get.

And yes, MacDonalds was so last year.

A Woman's Sacred Area

2010-05-25T04:58:00.001-07:00

Is definitely the Kitchen. And I'm not saying this as a snide sexist remark. I really do think women are great there.

With the exception of my good friend Sabrina. You are terrible there.

As a guy, I can safely say that most of us just can't cook. And that is exactly why people like Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey and some other gay guys are famous - they are rare male gems. I don't really think they are gems, but I bet most women do. There's something about a man being able to provide satisfaction in the lower regions which somewhat make them happy. A satisfied stomach of course.

I'm a kid raised on my mother's home-cooked meals. Okay, so that's how I think I generally gained weight but they were some of the best meals of my life. It's the familiarity of the taste which really reminds me that my mother knows best.

And therefore, I am never ever eating Sab's home-cooked meals again. Not only do they taste a little expired, they could probably cut a diamond for you. This is a warning message, not a challenge. Teeth and jaws have limits, respect them.

But with that said, I don't think it's the end of the story. Work hard at it Sab, it'll get better one day. And I actually look forward to that meal. Because deep down I know that the food you make is more than just a way to provide nutrition, it's also made out of love to express love to your family and friends.

Indisputably, you have won the greater battle in the kitchen.

As for me, I think I'll stick to making sandwhiches. I know, I know. That's generally what a woman should be doing by the orthodox doctrine of the internet. But sadly, that's the only damn thing I know how to make without killing someone besides cup noodles. On the bright side, I'm affirming that I am a straight male.

Sorry Lambert.

On a scale of Tekong to 10, I would have to say that at least Sab's cooking is halfway there.

And yes, nom nom nom.

Growing Up, Growing Old

2010-04-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

But just don't grow cold. That's the most important.

Closing this blog would be the stupidest thing I have thought of since I came up with since I tried burning a DVD...literally. This blog chronicles who I am, who I was and even who I want to be. Yeah, I've been having mixed thoughts about how I'm going to lead the rest of these few years left in this life. Yet, who am I to deny the keeping of these stories to myself.

Life doesn't stop for me yet. I've got tons to give and definitely tons to get. Living isn't just about giving it everything, it's also about embracing all the things given.

I've been taking set-backs like the end of the world. I will be realistic. Yes, my problems are big and it affects me. But no, it doesn't kill me just yet so why should I frame it up as though I'll be gone tomorrow? I want to be stronger than that.

Luckily for me, I have great friends. Friends that try their best to tell me what they think, how they feel and what I should do. They might not be able to solve my personal problems but it doesn't mean they are useless. I know they support me from behind the curtains (no homosexuality implied), and that counts for alot. I forget that personal problems are just that. They are personal, and it takes me to solve it.

But in retrospect, I find it silly that it took a movie to help me.

Yeah, a sappy romantic love story made me think. I guess if you say that the movie is about a 17 year old high-school prostitute and a 35 year old History teacher falling in love, it's misleading. It went a little deeper for me then I thought it would ever do.

Like every other 19 year old boy who is straight, I went to watch this movie for one damn good reason. Ms. Nozomi Sasaki. If you're personal assistant or publicist is reading this, just for your information: when I get out of army I'm coming down to collect her and bring her to show my mother.

Of course I couldn't resist the temptation. Do you see how idol-licious she is? Makes a grown man (like me) cry.

But at the end of the movie, although it showed me everything I've ever wanted in a partner, it left me a message which I could not ignore. Surprisingly, it was not about some new perversion. In fact, this movie was what made me feel so ambivalent about my personal sickness.

I don't want to be someone who, at the end of the day, regrets not doing or saying what would mean making life fuller. Because when the time comes, I might not have the chance to do it all over again. Yet, right now, I can do all I can to spend every moment trying to love. Moreover, love is meant to be expressed freely. I must do all I can now so that eventually when I lose myself, the ones I love will not lose themselves.

I think, to love is a beautiful thing which I will try to experience before it's too late.

And now that my reflection on this subject is over, I think I will try this 'love experience' on Ms. Sasaki! Quote Jasper: THAT'S RIGHT!

O.R.D on 050310.

Living in Japan with sexy wife on 070310.

And yes, I have her Calendar for countdown.

It's Called A Dilemma Because

2010-04-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's about time I close this blog down.

This blog is a reflection of who I am, really. And when I read back, I see a very optimistic, self-determined, thinking child who has grown. It no longer is a true reflection of who I am.

If I am to ever reopen this blog again, I will do it when I am sure of what I am doing. Be it whether I'm happy or not, I cannot be indecisive of what I want to do with myself.

I've always said "Live life with no regrets". But what happens when every decision you make will come with a regret in one form or another? Now that is the dilema.

I have had great times - be it sad or happy. Even in those times though, I've felt like I know who I am. I've trusted myself before, but it gets harder in times like these. One decision can make an impact on all that I am and all that I love.

Selfish vs Selfless. Even that has no clear distinction.

I think this is an ironic yet apt way to end this blog.

I end it with blurred vision of my own.

That's Almost A Change In Religion

2010-03-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

No beef? Got milk? Doesn't seem like I'm a Catholic anymore.

If you are wondering about the blogging dry-spell, you can attribute it to the multitude of fun I've been having with my friends. Trust me, it's much cooler to be living the life every moment rather than discussing past times. Who wouldn't agree that making memories is greater than thinking back about old ones? I guess this applies till I'm about 60 or so (or when my liver has given in - either or).

But since I'm going into National Service soon, it's about time I threw in something worth jotting down. After years of mysterious heart problems (like real physical illnesses and not some metaphor for relationship issues), I'm proud to say that I have a full-fledged diagnosis with a cool name.

It's not like I've never had problems before with my body, but this time at least it sounds cool. What's more, this problem came with a cool introduction and breakdown - similar to alot of music featured in Glee.

Vasovagal Syncope.

My doctor was direct with me. He had a cool Chinese name. Well, not so much cool as it was traditional. But when he opened his mouth, it came with a UK accent and voice. Astounding, good mate!

"Looks like you don't have anything besides this long-scientific named illness," he says, "let me write it down for you so you can wiki it up." He writes it on white paper and I keep it in my little envelope. Mum takes the envelope and puts it in her bag. I continue to ask the doctor about what I can do for exercise since this problem means I can't strain myself and exert my body anymore. He proceeds to ask the strangest thing after a slew of easy questions.

"Do you engage in casual sex?"

Mum gives a shocked face. I smile. Doctor seems oblivious but interested at the same time. I shake my head, unfortunately. I foresee giving the same answer to this questions 10 years down the road. Doctor goes on to give me the full diagnosis. Gives me more advice, including one really epic one.

"You can take steroids as medication, but let's see how you are after 2 months first."

Was really hoping that medical marijuana was one of the suggested treatments, but I guess steroids are pretty awesome too. But then again, what good is steroids if I still can't work out?

On our way out, mother used her blackberry to wiki out my diagnosed problem. And would you believe it really says I can trigger fainting spells from sex? I really hope Wiki is lying this time. Not even Mother Nature should be cruel enough to deny a hormone-driven human sex.

My past life must have been really bad. I was probably Hitler to deserve this.

My mother said I can live a life of celibacy and become a vegan. I smell life taking a huge turn. Shaving my hair off? No beef? No sex? A place filled with men? Going into army for me seems to be almost like becoming a monk in a monastery.

And yes, don't let the doctor in.

Tricked Out, Decked Out, With My Shirt Tucked Out

2010-02-02T04:33:00.000-08:00

Like a boss.

Because that's how the boys and me roll. Not the physical down-the-hill roll, hells no. We are sexy bitches and we know how to rap. That's right. It's been a long time since theCrew has made a video, but we are really happy that a few will be coming out real soon.

What can you expect? Drama. Beats. Music. Jams. Style. Substance. Class. Blackness.

Enough said, you're basically looking forward to watching us pimp ourselves up to a new level of awesome. A good start to 2010, for us it looks like a definite yes. Same crew, more Chen, greater ideas. I think we would do well being Car Ad producers.

So on today's agenda, I'm just gonna stick to the topic of how to be like a boss. It's every little boy's dream to be a pimpin' daddy. Of course, not in the business of prostitution. Because that's illegal in Singapore. I live in Singapore. The system works. George Orwell. I have to stop talking before I get myself in trouble. We want to be able to drop it like it's hot in social gatherings. Now that's real pimping.

All boys want to live that dream. Unless that boy is a homosexual. They don't want to be pimps. They want to be the hoes - for personal reasons of course. Of course, I can't identify with that. Now, why would I be anywhere close to being able to relate to that. Preposterous.

There are just a few things that one must keep in mind to be like a boss. Coat. Shades. Style. CSS. I'm helping nerds around the world with this by making it a simple acronym which they already know as Cascading Style Sheets. To the Sheldon's of the world, hope is here.

Coat. Every hot boss needs a coat to play up the clothes. If you're big, a coat makes you look buff. If you're lean, the coat adds some good weight on your body. The magic of the coat cannot be understated. It worked for Neo, it will work for you. C'mon, it even make Morpheus look good. There's no subtle racism behind that line.

Shades. Now shades are a complicated issue. Not all shades suit everyone. Cuts, lens, frames. Intricate eye-work at play here. But, it is essential in pulling off the hotness of being a pimp. If you watched Memoirs of a Geisha, the eyes are suppose to say everything. Now, when we wanna be pimp, we don't want to say everything. We want the mystery of it all. And you can't be the idiot on the dance floor with his eyes closed throughout the night - people would think you have been date-raped drugged. And besides, if they knew everything about me - I probably lose pimp status immediately. Shades save the day, no denying it.

Style. Single handedly the most important. Find your style. Your walk, your talk, your mindset. Pull it off with confidence. Pull it with the thought in mind that "Damn, I'm the Boss and I came here to delegate work to you! Yeah!" Now, this cannot be easy but it is your ultimate weapon. It's greater than the shades and the coat combined. Score the style boy, you'll then be the man.

At the end, you should get this where everyone else of the opposite gender is your sexy bitch. I think theCrew and I are somewhere inside this video.

And yes, pop the collar.

On The Prowl During Mating Season

2010-01-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

Blimey, that's a really nasty one right there.

Look at his form. Almost perfect. This rare breed of cat is distinctly known for his Asian and American heritage. An extremely sexual animal, so be careful. We never know who it's gonna hunt down next. Alright, let's move in closer. It's pretty dangerous, worse then them kangaroos from the land down under.

I'm gonna poke him.

There's my little (failed) tribute to Steve Irwin.

Right. So I was talking about Tiger Woods. Firstly, even if he does look like a black man, I still consider him an Asian. That's right, Asian domination. Who says we don't have some of the best sports people in the world? Here's the man who was the world's first billion dollar athlete.

And he got lucky with some hot babes on the way. Mind you, some is simply an understatement.

Working at a job where I'm surrounded by newspapers makes it difficult to not read 'the scoop' about him. He appeared in the 'Home' section of the Straits Times. Not sure what Tiger Woods has to do with Singapore, but it was there.

Oh wait, I do know - He is Asian.

Back to where I was, Tiger has entered some Sex Addicts Rehad center to "rid of himself this bad habbit". I don't know what warp logic this is, but I thought making women happy was what I was taught since young. Not that I completely agree with it, but I guess there is some truth to it. Tiger Woods, apparently really good in bed, has been making women feel beautiful and sexy for the longest time. Making the world a better place, one woman at a time.

Now that's charity for you.

Right, I'm not saying that adultery is good. As Craig Fergurson would say, "The views expressed by me are not necessarily endorsed by me". Makes perfect sense. I think we all learned from Tiger that cheating on a spouse only leads to you getting spousal abuse. You simply get Chris Brown'ed once you get caught.

And sometimes when people get caught cheating, it can lead to manta-ray-deadly consequences.

Stay together for the kids.

And yes, more than a hole in one. Oooo, sneaky.

Something Need Doing?

2010-01-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

Me happy to. Work, work.

Alright, it's time for me to admit - I've become a member of the working class. I don't mind you laughing at this souless drone of society, the small existent cog of the system. I do as I'm told, no retaliation. How can I ever consider myself a working class hero if all I ever do is follow instructions?

You aren't a hero until you wear your underwear on the outside. (Which in that case, I pretty much am a hero at home)

It's true, I have my own drone cubicle. The whole works is right in front of me. My personal office computer, my personal office telephone, personalised company e-mail and of course a company calender to remind me of deadlines. I'm living the stereotypical life of a working class citizen.

The upside to that is the free milo and coffee. Coffee with milk, mind you. Yeah, I'm a supporter of brown things.

When it boils down to it, working is tough. All you have to look forward to in the morning is lunch. Then when it comes to lunch, you realise "Meh, I'm not really in the mood to eat". Then it's back to work which you then look forward to knock-off time. When you finally reach home though, you realise "It's 8pm, it's dinner time and I have to sleep soon". And you eventually sleep and subsequently awake to the fresh smell of an old cycle.

Life is beautiful.

The lack of personal time is a scary thing when you want to accomplish big things in life. I don't like using old sayings (reminds me of me on daddy who uses them wrongly) but Rome wasn't built in a day. Similarly, Arthas won't be defeated in an hour. A delicious bento can't be prepared by an amateur like me in an hour. I cannot satisfy my desires in an hour.

Or as my dad would say it "Romania wasn't built in a day". You tell it to em' dad.

I think tomorrow I shall wear my [Tabard of the Working Class].

Epic quality clothing for an epic quality drone.

And yes, more gold is required.

2010 and the Story of Resolutions

2010-01-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

And believe me, there is a damn story about resolutions.

Those that can work, and those which won't.

Darren! Keep going at it! Your aim is a noble one. I want to share your resolution because it is indeed inspiring. The difficulty in it is something I can sympathize with. At first, I was skeptical. Yet, with each passing moment, it loomed on me that Darren had a point.

He has quit gaming till he gets some.

Here is a man who has a partial addiction to gaming, but he is willing to abstain from it to achieve something which is important to him. As another partially addicted gamer, I cannot imagine the torture. The kind of motivation which is required to fulfill such a want is close to unthinkable.

But then again, I have never really asked for much in life so I probably wouldn't fully understand his feelings.

But I do ask alot out of my mage. After all, our children are our future.

I respect all my friends for their unique qualities, and this is just a simple instance of those brilliant things they think about. I mention this one instance because it really is something which alot of people can connect with on a deeper level. To want something so bad and to just throw all their determination into it - even if it means to lose a little part of ourselves.

And as much as I poke fun at it, if it means something to him, I throw my full support behind it.

This leads to my new year resolution. I make one every year and every year it fails. The first time I was exposed to making such "wishes" or "resolves" was when I was 11. My resolution was to "work hard at my Chinese". I think we all know the answer to what happens next. When I was 15, I told myself I would skip rope every day to grow taller. Yes, now would be a good time to insert your jokes about my height here before I move on to the next resolution. And then there was the year I committed myself to fulfilling my 15 year old resolution when I was 16. You can now repeat the joke again.

This year - I want to learn how to choose happiness instead of letting happy things just come to me (which may not even make me really happy). Okay, at least that's my more serious resolution out of the many which I do want to achieve.

I don't know what to sacrifice to meet this plan of mine. Yet. I'll work towards it I guess. If I don't, you'll see a follow-up post come 2011 (considering you still visit my blog in a year's time - highly unlikely).

On a sidenote, reading that section about the qualities my friends possess kinda reminds me of one more thing.

And yes, wise laziness is an ultimate win and the best way to stick it to the man.

Some Things Are For The Best For All Time

2009-12-23T12:52:00.001-08:00

I will be having a post for prom and Japan soon, but as it is, life is a big smiley wonder.

The happiness brought to me by those events are undisputed. Yet, even on the first day of hanging out with my bestfriends on the first day after touchdown, I add another "notch to my bedpost" of good memories.

Kevin is back in Singapore, undeniably epic. Long days of eating, shopping, talking, eating more bak kut teh and finally playing lan - another classic episode of what should always be. Yes, sometimes I do make small complaints about singlehood, but I think it's never in the light of extremely enjoyable friendships with the guys.

I mean, c'mon, theCrew is for all times.

Our annual chalet was a big bang (minus the sexual connotations) - the whole works as usual. The alcohol, the boobs (mainly from Chen), the console gaming. Bring them all together isn't enough though. Add theCrew and you have a recipe for unlimited disaster.

This post isn't just to brag about how awesome we are, but it's really much more reflective than that.

How rare it is for people like Kevin to come to Singapore? The few times I really get to hang out with CK and Jude? I love their company, no doubt. And that's exactly why we just have to treasure these moments. If things could stay like this for all time, life would be good. Unfortunately, our lives will change along the way and this party can't be for everyday.

Therefore, I think theCrew chalet is just that wonderful annual event which will bind us for long long time. I might not have the privilege to hang out with some of my closest friends every week, but this event is that hope which says "legen...wait for it...dary".

Some friends are definitely for all times. I think I have found mine.

If my blog post doesn't sound coherent, it's probably because of my lack of sleep from the past 2 days and the currently overwhelming feeling I am still holding inside. Don't you sometimes feel that your words sound like gibberish to yourself even though you consciously know you have a point to make? Story of my life.

Bottom line, another great year for theCrew which was marked with no one playing Monsoon.

And yes, JAPMAYO!

Promography

2009-12-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

With all I have to do just for Prom, I guess it is a little obscene.

I'm not one to look good - let alone dress myself up with clothing apparel to pull of an aesthetic enhancement. Lesson learnt so far from this whole pre-prom fever: I'm better off making my Mage look pretty in Tier 9 gear than putting on a few pieces of cloth on myself.

Unfortunately, virtual world 1 - real world 0.

I have a tendency to freak out at social gatherings. I think prom will be no exception. The event itself usually doesn't kill me. It's the panic and anticipation which execute that job. Without the aid of my friends, I think I would have lost a piece of my left brain by now. Indecisiveness and the need for perfection really makes life so much more difficult.

And that's one of the reasons I feel bad for most women.

No, I'm not being sexist. I'm just making a general statement which is likely to be male propaganda passed down from generation to generation. I simply echo what my forefathers have said. I am not being a male chauvinistic pig, but still do not retract my words.

But then again, by saying these words, it could reduce my chance to get lucky post-prom. I guess I must take it back for the greater good (which is known as my emotional health).

With less than 24 hours till the promenade begins, I'm starting to have a whole bunch of concerns just lingering in my head. I can't help it. Ever since Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction, I do have reason to be worried.

How if I have a nip-slip? Unlike Janet's, where people were actually a little amused, people will be fainting at the sight of my undefined chest, my far-from-ripped chest. In fact, I would expect all food consumed to be regurgitated. Enough said.

Well, I just hope all things go well. My clothing isn't great. At least not great enough to compare to Master Pimp Arun. But still, I guess it could be worse.

I could be in the crappy situation Tiger Woods is in now (: Go get em Tiger.

And yes, tailoring 450.

Depression Makes Me A Little Turned On

2009-12-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

But only until a certain extent.

Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. You can do so much better than a dog or even a guy who's skin-care solution seems to be Lee Hwa Jewelry. In fact, why not go for an Asian guy? I have a buff guy in mind - and mind you, it's not Chen this time.

Yet, I cannot shake off that feeling that the movie was more tickle than a romantically-gothed-up cross-over between Gossip Girl and Underworld. Wait, I take it back. It was a romantically-gothed-up cross-over between GG and Underworld. In fact, I remember laughing at most of the romance parts.

Not out of irony,but more like out of it's complete state of cliche-ness.

If you must watch the show (for whatever personal reasons you have), to get a kick, watch Pattinson's face each time he has to kiss 'Bella'. His face changes and he almost looks disgusted to kiss Kristen Stewart. Yeah okay, she looks like a drug addict in alot of photos which are captured by the paparazzi but there but she does look hot in the movie New Moon. So, Robert basically gave me a gay vibe.

Not that I responded to it in an aroused manner in any form which could make me seem homosexual.

Because I am not.

And to prove it, here's a picture of a really fine and oh-so-stunning female.That's right. Kristen has to take the backseat to her. Older women are nice, no? Especially if they are vamps. They can nurture me, take care of me, cook my food, put up with my nonsense, kill my enemies, foresee my future and look pretty forever. Wow, I can't believe it's not fantasy!

Besides, whiny girls who utilize my 10 dollars for me to watch them whine over an ex-boyfriend over most of the course of 2 hours are so last summer. In fact, I would leave them in the snows of winter and hope that they decompose by the time summer comes to melt the frost away.

But Kristen, call me anyways. Unless Ms. Greene calls, I'll still be single, desperate, and a little perverted.

Hey! But at least I'm not a pedophile. Going for fictional women who are around 100 years of age - that shows maturity. (Or just some kind of other sick perversion).

And yes, my friend's mom is a superstar now! Watch Taylor Lautner's other form!

Why Real Life is Like That

2009-11-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

With my new found time, it seems that I think about some really redundant things.

So I started catching up on some TV programs which I have really been anticipating. Chuck, Royal Pains, The IT Crowd, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, what have you. It's not many, but I must say I'm not an addict.

Life is nothing like a TV show. Nothing at all. Let me remind us all firstly that television shows are not complete mind-numbing garbage. Just most of them. The simple reason as to why I don't watch The Hills, The Real World, The Simple Life, and anything else along those lines - I don't learn anything from them. And the life they lead is nothing close to what mine could possibly conceive.

But after watching Grey's Anatomy, and those earlier mentioned, could a Paris Hilton "documentary" really teach me more than a well-written script of Chuck? Possibly.

People make television shows as an outlet to cope with their own life situation. That's my guess. I mean, 'Desperate Housewives' is written by gay guys. Gay guys writing some weird stories about housewives who constantly having problems with men and the police? I speculate that they were hurt by women in their lives badly, turned gay, consoled themselves that they made a good choice by writing a hit TV series which made women look stupid.

Watching shows with really sweet protagonists doesn't help the self-esteem either. Mainly because no matter how geeky/nerdy all protagonists claim to be - they are still Hollywood Handsome. When you watch any show, it's like "Wow, he pulls off being a geek so well - I still have a glimmer of hope".

Nope, you don't.

The situations these people in are one in a million. They are surrounded by hot women who eventually get close to them. Their lines are scripted - which means they have the writers have the ability of revision and hindsight to actually make all his lines witty and awkward only if necessary. That contributes to charm. You can't prepare your script before you approach a girl in real life. There are no retaking of scenes either.

I'm not saying The Simple Life isn't scripted. Parts of it are. But I'm sure there is a small element of truth to it.

But I rather delete my 80 Death Knight and 78-going-79 Mage rather than watch it still.

So what has TV taught me? I made a summarised list of things I thought I picked out of watching TV shows:

Better vocabulary
Good one-liners
Some lame jokes
Pop-culture references
Hints of general knowledge
And the gentle reminder that TV is nothing like real life.

I will never meet Leighton Meester. That makes me a sad panda.

But, at least I get to see Mr. T from where I come from.

And yes, I finally updated.

Victorious Secret

2009-11-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

Something I wish I had at times. Having a card trick up the sleeves every once in a while is nice.

Not Wizard Sleeves Chen, not Wizard Sleeves. Not a metrosexual Wizard Daryl, a straight, deadly and ready to hunt-your-ass Wizard.

With only 7 days to my oh-so-major exams, I'm surprised at myself for even reflecting on the trivial things of life. Today's blog title was courtesy of my wild imagination amidst studying History. When I think of Gorbachev, I think of you Chen. When I think of Chen, I somehow think about King Leonidas.

Then my memory jumps, I think about 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal. Inevitably, I think about Heidi Klum and the times we could share together. One thought leads to the another, thought focus lands on the VS Fashion Show.

Have you ever wondered how one can link puns in their heads just by thinking? I have.

After all that passes, the worst thought comes to mind - Leonidas at a lingerie fashion show. Unlike a standard Microsoft keyboard, my mind lacks a few things:

Control
Alternate
The ability to delete anything which is useless
An 'Esc' key
Directional arrows

However, similar to the keyboard, I'm proud to say that my mind does have a 'Home'. My home is in my head. Bob Marley speaks the truth. Most musicians do.

Therefore, I could not get the image of Leonidas walking down the catwalk without having to divert my attention to something else. Yet, the mind works in such weird ways that I actually continue to consider Chen walking down the catwalk. In a Halloween costume. During Christmas. In A Communist Country. Led by terrorists.

When God created humans, he forgot to put an Alt+F4 function. I must therefore conclude Bill Gates to be the Saint of Technology.

To be honest, I had a fun idea for this blog post. However, my mind isn't as fast as my 3.17 GHz duo-core processor. My Free Disk Space should go to the A Levels too. I've jotted the idea down as a Christmas post. I look forward to working on that.

Instead, this post makes another clear point that I want to raise - that creativity cannot be taught via structure. If anyone gives you a course on the creative process which includes research and draft planning, I suggest you get your money back. Creativity usually stems from harsh suppression or liberation. Giving structure doesn't kill, but it doesn't make something grow. Famine does, rigid thinking structures don't. Allowing drugs to be legal, it may induce radical arts.

Or it could just produce addicts.

The free-flow of thoughts - don't let anyone take it away from you. Unless that someone's paying you enough money to let you swim in Chen's fantasy Chocolate Swimming Pool, then you may want to consider selling your thoughts.

Why is Chen the focus of my post tonight? Well, he has a 'Victorious Secret'. If I were to quote Jasper, Chen is "the buffest" and "no one can beat Chen man". This is belated Chen, but I didn't have a dedicated post to your birthday, so this is it. His Victorious Secret, which he will take to his grave would be something like this.

I'm happy that this year was just creepy old Ronald.

And yes, Creative R Us.

A Lesson On Important Examinations

2009-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

They are not the world.

I will never understand how people cut off everything else that they would habitually do on a normal day in the face of a major exam. That is utterly torturing. I'd honestly rather bite my tongue than cut off connections from the internet.

And thus the reason I still blog in light of the remaining 12 days.

Maybe it's my inner-addict which tells me that I can't let go of my daily routines. Like how when I wake up, I must stretch in front of the mirror and try to tell myself it's going to be a productive day (despite not being a fortune-teller). Or how it is a reflex to turn on the computer when I come home alone, head to the toilet for a mirror check (again) and then head back to the computer with a blank monitor but still typing in my password.

Habits die hard, no such thing as good or bad.

And let's face it, the A Levels aren't everything. They are going to affect my life, that's for sure. I'll work it towards it, no doubt. I want to throw all I have into it, that's a given. But will I do it at the expense of disconnecting myself from things which I define myself by? Not a chance in blue hell.

By the way, Blue Hell clearly exists. It's Singapore's Snow City. It's cold, dangerous, and is easy to get in.

I've considered what it would be like if I were to cut off all my routines, my daily habits - and that means not meeting my friends. People have told me "Stop seeing your friends" and "That's what schoolmates are for". I've only got one thing to say:

Are you f**king kidding me?

There's a clear distinction between schoolmates and friends. I used to think otherwise, but I think the past three years have taught me something. Sure, there can be friends in schoolmates, but schoolmates don't necessitate friendships as much as we like them to. And I would not take back what I have to say in this post because I want to place in some conviction in my life too.

Friends, and I mean really good ones, aren't confined to basic social constructs. For example, schools, neighbourhoods, countries, social classes. These things are not constant. They can alter, just like anything else in this world. I used to be afraid that when I left my secondary school, the people I came to cherish would slowly forget me too.

Fast-forward two years. I'm assured of alot of things. There are people whom you grow accustomed too, and there are people who you click with. They are two very different things. Having friends in Canada, different schools across Singapore (with different education styles), different schedules, but still staying in touch and having the

m as an essential part of my life - it could be a miracle.

Or it could just be that this is what a friendship really is.

Schoolmates are great too. I'm not against being sociable and having friends in school. I'm just saying that we shouldn't expect ourselves to think that we are losing everything when change comes and also not expect ourselves to find all our answers in new environments. Knowing more people is something which can be fun and eye-opening. It makes us learn things about ourselves and the world. Having more friends also means that we are there to share more smiles. Yes, that I totally believe in.

What I'm gunning at is that, the best of friendships stand the test of time and damage.

And I guess I declare that I fight for that belief.

Speaking of declarations, I don't think I'm done with my tackling of the issue on "A Lesson on Important Examinations". I will not give in to the menace which is the Advance Level Examinations. If it means taking away things which I depend on a daily basis to make me feel sane and safe, then I have to make a list against the pressures of the exam.

I, Elliot Lucas Marcell Tan, do hereby declare that the A Levels will not consume what I love in my life. I instead will choose to retaliate against it's horrors and throw in my entire arsenal of gear into the fray to battle it head on. I have placed in my hard work and time to study for it but due to the terms where it is being unreasonable, I have decided to pull all stops against such a foe. I will not pull the plug on my computer. I will not stop playing my guitar. I will not let the A Levels control who I am and the people around me to the best of my abilities.

At most, you answer to this guy. Meet my Level 80 friend, Snakeblood.

I want to be that tall in real life. Not drawn to scale of course.

And yes, Lok'tar Ogar! Fight or die!

A Total Chain Quest

2009-09-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

And that probably sums up Prelims and most of my JC life.

After receiving the latest post-Preliminary exam timetable, I think most of my class immediately noticed this one particular date which blocked off a Friday. Oct 16. J2 Farewell Assembly.

What a mix of feelings. But as usual, I find myself in the ambivalent zone of alot of things. Does this reflect my indecisive, half-assed way of thinking? Yes, I hope it does. It makes me feel I can fly pass almost anything in life. I don't fear death but I don't really want to embrace it. I don't think love will ultimately beautify my life but I think it may make it a little brighter. I don't particularly like Macdonalds but a McSpicy every once in a while sort of makes a day a little happier.

But that doesn't mean everything though. There's still a concrete list of things which I do have strong feelings and solid stands for. One of the important ones - my lifestyle. No one should make that decision for any other individual because it's largely a personal thing.

I don't think anyone would like their own mother telling them who to date, what to eat for recess, where to go on a Saturday, what online games to play and which friends he/she should hang out with.

If it were my mother, she would ask me to date a wall at least until I'm 25. She'd force me to eat her home-cooked food everyday (which I generally am not complaining about). Saturday's would be spent on free labour at her office (which is generally what I have been doing for the past year of my life). I guess the only online game she would let me play would be Club Penguin or Neopets. Those sites definitely have low risk of porn pop-ups. Yeah, as though World of Warcraft has internet ads popping up saying 'Click here for the best babes in town'. If such a thing were true, I pray they show Blood Elves and not fugly Orcs.

But I'm happy to know my mum would never ask me to hang out with JJs.

Come to think of it, I'm happy with my mother and what she demands of my social life. Not much really. Like any mother of sound mind similar to my mother (although she does have her fair share of unconventions - and so does the rest of my family), she just wants what makes me seem more socially accepted:

Have a wide variety of friends.
Have proper social etiquette
To stay out of trouble with my friends
To not be taken advantage of
Have strong reliable friendships which I treasure

Having a wide variety of friends? Check. I've got Arun, Chaiyong and Kevin. That makes a wide variety of races and nationalities. I mean, I know Arun is Singaporean. I think that was just bad sentence structure. I know a few girls, I guess that counts as gender variety. I know Daryl, so I know a gay in my life. Hell, I even have friends who are parents of infants. I have variety in marital status too. My mother should be quite proud of me.

Social etiquette isn't that hard right? Just don't steal your best friend's girl. Bros before the hoes. Simple rule.

Stay out of trouble? As long as you're not caught, it isn't trouble.

To not be taken advantage of? Yeah, that's wrong. Unless it's done willingly, then everything is alright and legally safe.

'Friendships which I treasure'. Giant crew-like check mark.

So as you can see, my mother is kinda cool for the freedom she gives me. The flexibility isn't something which comes often. Anything in my household in communism which seems a little like sovereignty is good enough for me in light of the domestic context.

I think I just attempted to squeeze in History and Literature into that previous sentence. This is called the 41-days-to-A-Levels Stress.

A family that's l337 together, stays together.

And yes, I play Alliance, so take that Mrs. L33T.

Self-indulgence Is All That Can Save Us

2009-09-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

You know what's the best part about imaginary girls? They can't really hurt you. Next to that, everything else is left to one's imagination.

The greater being up there has granted what I would consider a well-flourished imagination and for that I am thankful. There's no harm in motivating yourself with figments of your imagination.

Or I may be wrong. Maybe it's just tendencies of the wrong sort. Remember: pedophilia is bad, pedophilia is bad, pedophilia is bad.

Pedophilia is bad, self-indulgence is not.

The main reason for that picture is to add spice to this post. I find that it may potentially be boring (and since I just finished my first season of Shakugan no Shana, it might as well be there to give me the hope that in my dreamland even I can be a winner). Let me indulge a bit in self-delusion. Nothing is worse to a man that to be denied his secret fetishes. Not that I have a fetish for children.

Teehee.

No, I'm serious. No fetish.

On a sidenote, I think my mum was telling me that the more one denies, the more one is guilty of it. Don't really want to pay attention to what is unimportant. The art of selective hearing. Well, that is Gold 90.5 FM's tagline - only hear the good stuff.

So why the idea of self-indulgence today? Maybe it was because of today's extremely ironic and brain-teasing General Paper Prelim exam.

Essay question: Greed is good. How far do you agree with this statement?

Comprehension topic: Love and status.

Greed is good means Warcraft. Warcraft means custom maps. Custom maps means Defence of the Asians. No, no, Defence of the Ancients. Irony plus one. God, you are a funny man. You too GP tutors, get your cameras out of my house. On Love and Status? I've been giving that alot of thought too - not so much on what has happened but to finally take things seriously and decide for myself what is important to me.

I think greed is good. Controlled greed at least. Absolute greed, maybe if I were Hitler. I would need it then.

As I read my passage on love and status, I decided that it complemented what Sab was asking me yesterday as well. I guess I gave it more thought this afternoon.

I usually joke about what kind of women I like. I remember the old days. The age range was under 12, over 40. Fulfill that criteria, your name would be on my list. Then it changed. I compromised. Under 14, over 35. It still wasn't good. In the end, I "chose" to stay in a dream land where criteria was based on how small you were, how innocent/naive, and whether you existed in real life or not. Then it came down to 3 things: if you can cook, if you'll wear what I tell you to wear, and if you always smiled and just tell me you love me (genuine or not, I didn't put much thought into that). Whatever the case, it was just something to hide behind.

Anime girls are cute, not real, but cute. Little kids have an innocence which I really admire. I think I said in a post about a month or two ago how I really love kids, in the cleanest sense of the word. So Sab posed be the real question: Why love? What are the real yardsticks, the reasons, and the motivations?

The passage may have raised valid points: security in a challenging world? Reaffirmation of my sense of self? A method of survival in this world? Was it really a selfish notion? Or maybe it was something which Othello has taught me: to cover up my latent insecurities?

Honestly, I don't have a real answer. But I can answer my little sub-questions. Somehow, answering those questions didn't answer the original question like I thought it would. Security, not really - I think I'm more likely to question the validity of any bond I share. Reaffirmation of my sense of self, yes, I think it will. A method of survival, not at all. I believe in a balance on reliance on others and oneself. I don't think love is a selfish notion in which it is about self-absorption.

But how about latent insecurities? If I examine my conscience deeply, I think it does cover what I fear most for myself. Sab thinks I joke around about my preference, whether it's about kids or men, because I'm have zero confidence about girls of my age. I really am afraid to say that it may be so because if she's right, it shows how low I regard myself.

And the more I think about it, the more I think Sab has deep insight for a bimbo.

When I come to a conclusion about what I really want in a girl, I'll let you all know. Because right now for me, it really is a blurredvision.

And yes, at least Shana won't judge me. She loves me in my own self-deluded way (:

Two Major Things About Mood and Mood Swings

2009-09-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

Number 1, shit happens. Number 2, in this new era, women are not exclusive to PMS.

Rare, but I stand up for the first time for women. (I mean, some other things stand up for women too but that's not PG). I think female PMS is overrated. Men can get mood swings too. If you haven't already heard, there is such a thing as male menopause. I think it's gay, but it's there.

We really shouldn't be so hard on women when they PMS. That's just sexist.

Men are so quick to judge when women flair up. Maybe it's a male ego thing where we hardly think we are in the wrong. When a woman gets angry at us, and just because it's the middle of the month, we assume that "Oh, it's that time of the month again". We never stop to consider that we may have just, I don't know, angered her through our actions?

Oh, don't be mistaken. I'm not defending women. Just like in GP, I'm offering the alternate viewpoint. Here we go, ladies. You know I was going to say something about you sooner or later.

Girls who use PMS to escape from everything are shameless. Don't deny it, we know you use it. I've be conned by that tactic a few times, and for stupid reasons. I'm entitled to stupidity because of my height and I have to spread my IQ across my 3 names (and personalities). You know who I get the most 'Fake-PMS-trade-for-favors' from?

I haven't gotten them for the past 10 months or so. Well, because there was some complications from Daryl's strong swimmers. But now, it's come back to haunt me.

I will recount the classic time when you used PMS to get me to do something. I believe in trade, just like Ricardo.

What Classic Time? Every time you ask me for a favor, it pertains to a PMS-related symptom.

Sab: Man, have to fill this stupid application form.

Me: Stop complaining, only 4 pages and it potentially pays well.

Sab: Arghh, but got cramps again.

Me: -_- It's only been two weeks since your previous "cramp"

Sab: Help me fill in lehhhhh

Me: *reluctantly takes pen and form*

Sab: Okay, I'm gonna go rest at the computer.

5mins later.

Me: What's your highest education level (saying in a mocking tone)?

Sab: Err, highest means the one I'm currently taking or what I've obtained.

Me: *mockingly again* I don't know, maybe you should fill the form yourself.

Sab: *ignore*
Me: What are you doing?

And as I move towards the computer, I see her playing Guitar Geeks on my Facebook account.+1 to taking advantage of male kindness in the name of PMS. Women manipulating man, not surprising. Especially if that woman acts just like a man.

When I get my male menopause, Sabrina, you better be there to answer to my every whim.

And yes, old rusty coins.

The American Way - Voting

2009-08-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

Or rather, it's more international now.

If you've watched Miss Universe 2009, then you would have known by now Miss Venezuela won. If you haven't, say hi to this 18 year old Miss Universe Winner.

She's 18, winning beauty pageants and about to travel around the world for an eye-opening experience. Eye-opening, and maybe on the way some limbs will be wide apart too. What the hell?! Sorry, I forget that she's 18. Ever since that China Olympic Gymnast was accused of being underage, my age-guessing meter in the brain has been a little haywire.

So you can't really call me a paedophile if it's not my fault that I can't differentiate age easily.

I'm a little offended that there were no Asians in the finals of this year's Miss Universe. I always root for the Asians because they are, afterall, oriental beauties (says the guy who can't even remember who Miss Singapore is this year. +1 for National Pride). We'll get them next year, Miss Japan is the comeback Queen.

Alright, I'm happy for Miss Venezuela. But I am not fully satisfied with the results. It's time I took a stand. I'm gonna do things the American way. I'm going to voice out my opinion. I'm putting my right foot down and my fingers to the keyboard. Keep your score cards - I'm taking control of the compeition now.

The panel of judges will now take a back-seat. I'm casting my vote and choosing my own winners.

I choose Ms. Finland as the prettiest girl in the competition. The "I'm innocent and clueless and would so appreicate a good man in my life" face must go to go her.

Ms. Iceland wins the "I can definitely pull off a swimsuit to make heads turn" look. She's doing the Asian eye thing in this pic though. Purposely making those eyes smaller than they should. Don't make excuses saying that the sun is facing in your direction. Peter Chao would not like this. You too Joe Jonas.

This girl here - Miss Puerto Rico - wins The Jailbait Award. She borders on the line between "I'm Legal" and "Touch me and you go to jail you bad, bad man". She also wins "I wish she was my neighbour award" since she's only about 20. Which means I would stand a chance. I'm always better with older women.

Maybe in an alternate Universe that would be true.

And finally, for my friend Chaiyong, here's something just for you. Since you wanna be the President of Thailand in the future, here's something to bolster your national pride. +1 for you Chaiyong! See you soon! Here's Miss Thailand for you.

So on a final note, I think that the guy who is the Emcee for all these beauty pagents is probably gay. If it were me, there would be no control of the direction of my eyesight. Either that or this man has mastered the art of looking without being noticed. If so, good for him.

And yes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholded (which is me).

Names, Games, And All The Shame

2009-08-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Take a look at this picture:

10 points if you know the source. Doesn't really matter, because you need at least 75 points to enter a local university. These 10 points mean absolutely nothing compared to that. Regardless, I must say that this is quite ego-pleasing.

Let us review this:

1. Man of great size and power, usually has his way with any woman he wants.

Does this not sound like a spartan? I think it does. Great size. I agree. No one ever mentioned anything about height. I'll just presume that it's about my twitter/tweeter. Whatever analogy floats your boat (or in this case, whatever rocks your bed). Whichever euphemism is fine. And to have any woman I want? Maybe I'm simply choosing not to exercise that power.

I am full of myself today.

2. A super hot Mexican boy who likes to get laid all the time. He's great in bed and has a big ****.

Okay, this is a children's channel. Partially. So let's keep it as asterisks to make everyone happier. I would like to first declare that I am Chinese. Contrary to public belief, I am not a Mexican boy. The rest holds true. If you read the exemplar sentence, I can see sluts using that phrase close to a decade down the road. I'd almost be as good as a vulgarity.

No further questions.

3. Someone that gets his d*** sucked on a daily basis. By far the best male at sex alive. Most women dream about fucking him. Names included are people named Jayme, Jamie, or Jaymie.

I'm not a male slut. Because there is no such thing as male sluts (one more point for the boys back home). Somehow, I just don't want to comment on this line. It's by far the most self-explanatory description yet. Okay, I honestly don't know who Jayme, Jamie and Jaymie are, but I don't seem to keen on those names.

That explains why most women "dream" of me. I choose only the cream of the crop. I'm so privileged as to have options. God bless my life.

I quote point number 3's example sentence:

I wish my boyfriend knew some of Elliot's moves.

All I say is, now don't we all?

And if you're still thinking at the end of this post that I'm really elated in writing all this, you probably don't get sardonic humor well. But it's okay, I explain. The reason why we need to bolster our egos once in a while is for a fundamental reaons:

Because of our inherent insecurities.

And yes, new urban males (are largely gay).

One Day, As The Novels Always Say

2009-08-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

It's all about kindness, goodness, and a whole lot of charm.

Sometimes, which is really most of the time, the guy is dark, tall, handsome, and a million more qualities better than the average person. Either that, or they are tragically flawed and it ends in a tragic death (i.e the story is a tragedy). But I never saw the underdog win without the heroine being the most angelic and ideal woman in the world.

Even when I do meet 'the one', she will never be the ideal woman. To believe there is one woman who is everything you want and flawless, that's where the first wrong step is taken. If Othello doesn't teach that well enough, I don't know what will. I think by accepting the fact she cannot be my ideal, I can really appreciate the other party - to see her as a complete and more-or-less (and I stree on more-or-less) equal part to me.

So then I start to wonder this: when was the last time I saw someone similar to me, someone who really did accept me for me? Never seen someone so like me, at all.

I should make an application form for girls I like. I can just imagine how it's gonna be like:

Conversation:
"Hey hey, could you help me fill out this form?"

"Sure, erm, what is this for?"

"Well, I kinda like you. I need to see how alike we are so I can cater to your tastes and at the same time, see if there's any probable outcome at all."

"Why do you say that?"

"Read the questions, you may understand why."

"Hmmm. 'Can you tolerate a man who uses approximately two servings of butter for a single hotcake or do you find it weird?'..."

And the conversation abruptly stops. Application form will be thrown away with a girl running really fast, far far away in hopes that I don't chase behind. You don't even need hypothesis testing to do this.

This is one of those times that my mind starts spinning as I write my blog post because I myself have no idea what I'm feeling right now. Well, it's a rough idea, but still not being able to put your whole finger on it. It's like ambivalence, with a tinge of hopelessness but with a sense of logic saying "Why are you holding yourself back?".

That is the problem.

Back to preparing for WSOP 2010. Hehe.

And yes, heart failure.

Disposition, Superstition, and a Failing Mission

2009-07-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

I've finally watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Or should I call it instead, Harry Potter and the Teenage Angst. If Transformers was 90% explosions, 10% waiting for explosions, then I guess this episode of Harry Potter would be 70% Gossip Girl, 5% Lord of the Rings (because of Dumbledore), 20% of normal Harry Potter stuff and 5% of Narnia.

Narnia? Yup. Malfoy looked confused as he started at the vanishing cabinet - almost thinking he was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - which if you ask me could also describe Harry Potter in general. The wardrobe has been explained and witches are self explanatory. The Lion?

At least he gets Hermione. Few can complain there.

You see, I like Hermione Granger as a character. Smart, witty and not so good when it comes to love. That's my type of girl. Place that in the body of Emma Watson, it makes a pretty good girlfriend is you ask me. If she's anything like she is portrayed in the movie, I would make it one of my wishes to have her if I were to find a magic lamp.

Yet, what bothered me about the movie? I was starting to wonder when Warner Brothers started to hire Disney script writers.

Hermione: "Harry, what does it feel like when you see Ginny together with Dean?"
Cue Ron with Ron-obsessed girl having fun in front of Hermione.
Cue Ron saying something equally stupid to Hermione.

Cue flying attack birds on Ron.

Cue tears from Hermione, crying on Harry's shoulder

Harry: "It kinda feels like that."

And let's not forget the opening scene where he picks up the girl who works in the subway cafe without even finishing his pick-up line.

Wow. Harry has turned into a real Dr.Phil with all the cheesy teenage lines.

Okay, so it's established - watching this episode made me feel jealous of Ron Weasley. He's suppose to share a kiss with her in the next book as well. This is why Emma Watson is paid 10 million to star in these movies.

Remember Emma - you don't need to pay me 10 mil to give you a good time. The better choice is obvious.

Why am I jealous (even though it's a movie)? Sure, it's all fiction but when am I going to find someone who's going to show me that kind of emotion? Not the Ginny kind. I'm talking about the Hermione kind. The kind which gets excited when I call her name in my sleep. The kind that comes to all my Quidditch Team trials. The kind which would invite me as her +1 at an event she's invited to. The kind which is at my side, at my school infirminary bed after my teacher offers me some poisoned wine.

Maybe I need a magic lamp.

Or liquid luck (Felix Felicis). Whichever truly exists is the better choice.

So till the next movie, I have some pointers for the actors:

Harry: I feel your pain. We need to grow taller.
Ron: Get a proper hair-stylist.
Hermione: Stay pretty.
Ginny: Quit.
Nevile Longbottom: Try to fight for more than 3mins of air time.
Dumbledore: n/a

And yes, poof poof.

Little Abyss of People I Miss

2009-07-23T03:43:00.001-07:00

The person I miss most? Me.

Not that I don't miss me best friends. No, I surely do miss them. Friendship essentially is the last few things I treasure close to my heart. And as I blog and look at that picture above, I think of a few things. Firstly, that I'm really short as compared to Jasper and Jon. Secondly, I wonder what I do to contribute to their lives.

Everyone in the most awesome, miracle-gathered, life-giving, unstoppable, most rocking Crew in the world has some special gift. And I think that's what this post is suppose to be: a little commemoration within a controlled space of my own to express this happiness.

I can't play favourites here, simply because I don't know how to do it with these guys. So we go by race. Nah, just kidding. Let's go by alphabetical order. (Incidently, it still goes by race if you count Kev as a Chinese boy even though he's from Indo and count Chai Yong as a Chai Yong.)

Arun has to be one of the most dead-pen humor people I know. You never expect the joke to come out to hit you at that moment. Suddenly, you find yourself laughing to his jokes because it springs at the most unexpected time. Definitely the most calmest, coolest, Chinese-Indian boy I know. Not to mention, he's a pimp.

Chai Yong, I owe my life to this man for sending me home (along with Jasper as well). Always a good sport and even though we're not that close, he somehow always looks out for me. We don't need to know each others past and life stories to give each other a helping hand, a listening ear or just some advice. He really has a good head on his shoulders. And really good tag lines to make my drunk moments look funny.

Chong Kai is an essence of a friendship, and by extension a party, which is really sad if we didn't have. Your presence is always felt and things aren't the same if you're not around. Your humor is priceless and you are a certified drinking buddy. Just can't get KO'ed. Moreover, if there's a need to brighten up my day, you always seem to get it right. CK, really no one like you.

Darren Seah you tall, skinny musically-inclined boy. I admire your will to do things. Your sense of friendship is also deep-rooted and it's something which is so hard to see in people these days. Always trying, never giving up. It's a real pity I didn't get to spend much time with you during our secondary school days. It's hard to make up for lost time. Nevertheless, at least it's not too late yet.

Glenn Quah you idiot. When was the last time I saw you? Feel like smacking you silly right now because we haven't had a chance to talk in some time. I know you're pretty busy and it's gonna be the A Levels soon. Finish it quick and come back safe. There are friends who aren't always there, but they sure do pass words of wisdom when it really counts. You may not say alot, but when you do - it speaks oceans.

Jasper Chan, this source of almost unending will to push on and want to change. You really give me inspiration sometimes. You may say that you're not that good at people-relation skills, but sometimes even you elude me when you make the sharpest of observations and teach me things in return. You've got something special in you which always reminds me "I can make better of anything and everything." And in this short period of time of getting to know you, I would say I've gained an invaluable friend.

Jon Jabez Lee, dude, what would life be without your words of wisdom, your vast span of general knowledge, street smarts and wit. That priceless sense of wit. You really are a jack of all trade and soon, you'll find how to be a master of one. Or knowing you, it'll be a master of a ton. You make my life entertaining, meaningful and informative. I one day hope to be able to be as good as you and I say this in all earnest. You're always there for me and that's something I hope to be able to return a favour for to you. Thanks Jon, I can't say it enough.

Julian Chong my hommie! There's something about you which makes me feel comfortable. Whether you are late or lame, I just can't seem to get really angry. I end up laughing and having the time of my life. If there's someone out there who has really really really identical music taste in terms of numbers, you'd be the one. But beyond music, you really are there for me. Without me opening my mouth, you already know what to say to me to make me feel better. Maybe your presence itself makes me feel like I can't stay angry at anyone anymore.

Jude Chow I haven't seen you in ages you sparkly eyes boy. Wise beyond your looks, that's my description of you. You've really got it all. Good looks, a sense of humor, a sense of self, a big heart, and a really wisdom-filled brain. I'm not sure if wisdom goes to the brain or heart, but I bet you do. Take care of your health and I'll see you soon. A friend like you is hard to come by. Kinda like a pretty prostitute - extremely extremely rare.

Kevin Gunawan thank you for giving me something to look up to when I was in secondary school. You probably don't know it but you really made me feel as though I meant something in theCrew in our younger days in Maris Stella. I was really touched becaused you were the first person to praise me for anything I did. It really gave me confidence back then. Be it playing Dota, or just about anything else. I don't think you'll remember it though: but really, you have affected me alot and for that I cannot thank you enough.

Nicholas Chen is someone I just can't beat. You really put me in my place you know that. Be it ParaPara, girls, or even rational thinking. Somehow you always have a way to put me down on those. You've got advice to your friends, and that's always appreciated. Despite your popularity, you've tried your best to make time for us. Never afraid to stick up for what you believe in. Always willing to do something if it means achieving your dream. When you finally get your girl, I know you'll dote on her alot. I hope even then, you won't forget me.

Wen Chuen! Haha! The most loyal, caring, considerate, kind, thoughtful and buddy-ish friend I've ever met. You really are something. I can't say I'ver ever met someone who is as spontaneous, as enthusiastic, morally supporting and cheerful as you. The small things in life don't get you down all the way, you still manage to maintain a smile nevertheless. That is what I admire about you. You don't let things kill you. You take each step forward and just keep on getting stronger. You really show me what it means to embrace life. Thanks Wen Chuen.

Wei Ren is one guy who is one awe-inspiring bitch. He saved me in a time when I had little place to turn to. Up till now, he's shown me what it's like to have a heart for my friends. He's shown me how to better myself. Despite the vast difference in lifestyles we share, we click like lego bricks. You give me more than you should and you try your best when you want to help me. How does I guy like me repay you for things you do like that? I'm not God, so I don't think it's possible. But I try my best bro, I promise you I will (:

Yu Zhe you crazy crazy boy. Talking to you can be damn fun. Playing Mahjong and basically any gambling game is fun when it comes to you. You have this hidden wit in you which really unlocks when you get high - and that's mostly everytime we get together. From that mouth of yours, I've heard jokes which have made me remember moments in time I can never forget. When you and Wei Ren or Wen Chuen or whoever start a debate, you release a freaking laughing gas. Cheers to next Chinese New Year.

I really wish I can be as good as just a single one of you. Any one will do. Because I want to be able to give something back to this group which has shown me things beyond belief. Friendships, laughter and support. You guys have it all :D

And yes, BoB

Hearts On Sleeves, Paradox Please

2009-07-17T05:36:00.001-07:00

We'll weather the weather whatever the weather whether we like it or not.

This is post number 400. It's not the most comfortable time to be celebrating the big 400, but a post is a post. As much as I wanted to see Sakura as the first thing on my blog, the 399th post must move on sooner or later.

Many things must move on sooner or later, right? Like how Emma Watson is all grown up now? I bet if you watch a Harry Potter movie marathon, it's possible you'd have a growing paedophilic-complex arising. You sick perverts. Preying on a girl who is just barely even 20 yet. You guys make me sick. She's 19 for crying out loud. And you all drool behind your screen as though she's some object that you can obtain in the near future.

Stop trying to act as though you are me - I'm the one with the complex so go find your own complex to adopt.

(I suggest dedrophillia - it has to do with trees. I'm pretty sure trees don't mind if you perv on them)

But that's not really the point. I'm just joking, Emma. In fact, you intimidate me because I want the straight As you obtained for the A Levels. We almost take the same subjects, so if you can do it (because you're a self-proclaimed "near-feminist), then I can do it too (because I'm a self-proclaimed "near-chauvanist"). Give me an incentive k? If I win, you teach me how to Alohomora the lock upon your heart? Or if I get lucky I'll Expelliarmus your entire being. That's right babe, I'm gonna disarm you (:

I didn't realise it till the end of that paragraph that I just got flustered talking to "Emma" when all I was doing was just talking to myself.

I am that good at satisfying my own needs.

So I haven't watched 'Half-blood Prince' yet. Neither do I have the time. Been sick at home the past two days, doesn't really give me the opportunity to go out. Social responsibility. Then again, sickness hath given me the time to catch up on alot of content subjects. You see, food poisoning isn't all that bad. It's not like you can't read your notes while sitting on the throne.

I'm tired of this 'one-girl' policy. Being faithful, nice and considerate has lost it's novelty. In a metaphor, it's safe to say that I now find myself believing that it's okay to be thinking of both "Megan Fox" and "Emma Watson" simultaneous. There's no guilt there. Because when you invest everything into something you like, you feel an amplified effect when it doesn't come through. So I put a little in both Megan and Emma, I wouldn't be too sad if Megan decides to go out with Shia because I know Emma wouldn't dare think about Redcliffe - so not her type.

If there was a shackle spell, I would so cast it on her.

See you after my A Levels, Emma. We're gonna have some fun in Winter Wonderland. Blankets of snow.

And yes, I'm just a regular male.

Milestones, Downturns & More Things To Learn

2009-07-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

Revitalization of my childhood? Yes. BUT SHE'S SO CUTE!
Therefore, why should I care that I may reveal a Freudian side of myself? I don't have a fetish for little girls. I swear. But it would be nice to have a younger sister to pamper and dote on. Interrogate her potential boyfriends and threaten them never to cross the line.

And if I feel loser enough, I could bring her to the prom to pull off as my date.

Why am I not surprised at how low I can get? Yup, definitely pretty low. *Ding ding ding - this is a public service announcement: You have reached an all-time low! Input name for high-score?*

This sudden trigger for childhood memories all started from Wei Ren's purchase of the voice recorder. Then it was aggravated by Sab and me sitting at my balcony thinking about childhood days - remembering the fact that we were even more childish than this. Then it was the memory box. The good old (and when I say old, I do mean it is really ageing) memory box which really hurts me sometimes. This entire memory thing has been plaguing my system. Which is nice for a change.

So as part of this current episode of Nostalgia Revisited, I finally read through the entire Cardcaptor series once again (manga) and am in the midst of ordering the Dvd box set for all the seasons. That's right. I'm spending my money again. As a follow up activity to that, I read through one of my favourite FanFicts of all time. It's been a bearable week because of this.

And as I review that portion of my life where I was more than heels over head and head over heels for this timeless anime, I realised that it may have impacted my life in more ways than one. Besides me just enjoying the pure innocence of the series, it did craft alot of notions which I strongly believe in now.

The notion that love is in the action and is made beautiful by the words.

And if I know Jasper well, he probably have a DotA analogy for that kind of saying. Something on the lines of a tank needing good support? I try, but most of my analogies just turn out to be saying the exact same thing with different words. Maybe that's why I'm great at my general paper when it comes to paraphrasing.

At this moment, I'm just indulging in my comfort zone. Finding things which have been really important to me since my more childlike - and ironically more civilized and rational - days and mannerisms. This is just one of the few.

And just for counting sake, this is post number 399. Which means I'm hitting the big 400 next post. I wonder what I'm gonna do this time. Maybe I should print all my 400 blog posts and place them in my memory box. Or better still, take screenshots of all my posts and time capsule them so that I can open them in 2 to 3 years time.

Or I could just blog about my Mid-year examination results.

No.

And yes, lollipops.

Till Geekdom Come

2009-06-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

Surfing the web on my M~~ozilla~~egan ~~Fire~~fox.

Megan Fox's character, as a I recall approximately 200 posts ago (Yes, that long), I wrote something similar which displayed my head-over-heels admiration for her. She was l33t, hot and extremely geek's dream. She's a movie character but it doesn't hurt to have dreams. Not A-Level kind of dreams, I'm talking about the stuff that we just can't get.

But the real Megan ain't that bad either. I don't trust Wiki all the time, but since I've been revising history, my cross-references to other sources show how excellent she really is. A Video Gamer and an avid Comic fan. Not to mention that rebellious and

wild side of her.

If she were my web browser, I would never cheat on her through IE, Safari or even the genius which is Google Chrome. ~~Fire~~Fox for the win.

Okay, but a man can only dream so much. So settle for less by watching Transformers.

The second movie was not something a non-fan would enjoy. It was strictly for the inner Transformers "Otaku". Unsuppressed childhood takes another bow and walks off the stage proudly. Sure, I wasn't scoring girls but I had Optimus and gang and that's all that ever mattered. They would protect me if anyone tried to bully me. Watch as my metallic pencil-case rolls out and devastates you.

Maybe it's because the movie doesn't strictly follow the original series and that's why I take some time to appreciate it in its entirety. Retrospect, I freakin' love it (except for the two extra "black" cars who were with the protagonist group the entire time). The constructicons looked great - destroyed quick but nevertheless great. Bumblebee defied destiny and got upgrades. And Optimus was supercharged.

And did I mention there was Megan?

With this movie, it really makes Shia LaBeouf hold my new found respect. Recalling his filmography, his acting has shown diversity and real intensity. Underestimate him, I will not anymore.

Tell me if I can pre-order the DVD okay?

It's been a long and exciting day. Now we snap back to reality...

Okay, okay. Now we really snap back to reality. Mid-years, here I come.

And yes, slow motion.

Most Nights I Had Fights But Others I Slept Tight

2009-06-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, first time during this entire month of school holidays which I have stayed up till 5am. Willingly. Alone.

It's not for studying, but come on. I deserve this little bit of down time for what I would call a "slow recovery". Staying up late has it's fair share of benefits as well. I admit, if I could, I'd be a night monster - the kind where night is the orthodox day and my day be the traditional night. Take my morning shower at 6pm and live it out through the night. I can still do night shopping.

Or in reality, I just do online shopping. Thanks for sending the stuff to my place and not wasting my time travelling.

Nights really do let you live out a different part of your life. Biologically speaking, Scientists have shown that people are generally more sexual at night for some strange reason. For me, that would be living a really different part of my life. The life which is un-sexually charged. At 18, I don't have to worry about it. But if this persists 20 years down the road, if you are my friend, please use something to cut off my air supply.

I will not live an unfulfilled life. I must experience everything. And if reality gets altered one day, I hope to be able to live the life I played in PROTOTYPE.

And the best part about the nights that I miss is actually the quiet and reflective mood it manages to trance one into. An hour back at 4am, I was at my balcony and it felt nice when I saw myself bathing in moonlight. No, I did not flash my butt to anyone. Your skin looks different under the moon's reflection of the sun, I swear.

Damn sexy, if you ask me.

It's just quiet enough to hear your own thoughts. Something which becomes more apparent recently that it's harder to hear oneself in the daytime. Some say the weather is too damn hot, I just say it's the people who complain about the weather. Thinking at night has allocative and productive efficiency. I'm almost ready to tackle my econs mid-year exams paper. You just wait for me to come ravage you.

If this were PROTOTYPE, I'd consume you.

As a salute to the night, I'm going to study overnight. Yes! To maximise my marginal personal benefit from the nighttime and increasing my study efficiency, I will channel my study time to the nights. Not alone of course. That would be extremely pathetic to be at the Airport, 12am to 6am, studying SEA and International History.

A man with a plan is a man...with a plan.

Nothing logical rhymes with it. Or is my brain not functioning at 5am?

And yes, sonata.

Something I Learned Through Something I Burned

2009-06-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

I was considering burning my memory box. Like a literal "set-it-ablaze" sort of notion.

It was an impulsive thought but the thought I thought was a thought which I thought required some extra thinking. I mean, that was the thought that was in my thinking-box when I was thinking I could move on. That's a bit too much free-thinking for a guy who is gonna be having his Mid-year exams in merely 2 weeks.

Thinking never helped anyone who never used actions to speak for himself.

That's why I use my mouth more than by brain. It's a better organ to use to get me out of a sticky situation. To shut someone up, kiss them. To convince someone, or confuse, use your organs of articulation which come with your mouth to produce such tools known as "words". To hurt or injure someone, bite them. When my arch-Nemesis said "bite me", I just followed instructions. Can't blame me for being obedient.

So I opened up my memory box (again) and this time I decided to see if I could reach the bottom tier of the box. After Wei Ren bought his voice recorder yesterd

ay, I remembered that I used to record my own voice and keep a V-log (voice log).So when I got home I was extremely curious to dig it up (and install my new Razer Lachesis ^^), and so I had to feed the curiosity. I hate going beyond half the box, but I knew it was somewhere right below.

Okay, so I don't remember everything that's in my box. I sort them by time periods or major events and that itself is already messy. Layers later, I found the time period I wanted. My 10 year-old self.

Apparently, my 10 year-old self was quite observant. A nerd, but still observant. Highly emotional, extremely keen on trying to be witty. Emphasis on "trying to be". I wonder what happened to that really idealistic-dreaming boy I once was. I really said alot of things which I laugh at now.

If anyone finds my memory box and listens to those tapes, I hope I'm dead because really - I might die of embarrassment if anyone were to hear them.

Of course, I can't dedicate a post to my tapes without sharing something vaguely interesting. Just one line from my recordings wouldn't kill me of embarrassment, so here goes nothing.

"Maybe love is about dancing in the rain with someone and not caring what others think. Or maybe it's just when two people think they need each other more than they need themselves. Whatever the case, I hope I can experience it someday so I can record it on tape to share with my future-future-future grand-children."

When I retain my sanity, I might delete this post. As an added note, I filtered my quite horrific singlish from that excerpt (to save some face). But I really wonder what I was thinking or what caused me to say it when I made that recording. It didn't really make sense why I said that in the middle of the tape. I was talking about how I liked my Primary 4 class and suddenly, boom, I said those lines. It really beats all my wits to try and figure out why I said that.

And thanks to that, I have trouble sleeping now.

For my 10 year-old self, I really never expected that to come out. I guess what I said still rings a little true. I really wonder what love must feel like. I may or may not want it, but still I want to know what it feels like. It's so much more difficult to appreciate who you are if you don't know what it feels like to miss out on certain experiences or feelings.

Whatever it feels like, I'm feeling a tad less confused about how I feel towards my memory box. This post has somewhat solved my earlier wishes to burn it away. I gues

s memories do help me. It helps me see my transition as a person through life. It helps remind me of things which I believed in and should still believe in now. It gives me a place to retreat to when I'm not sure of who I am.

So salute to memories. Even the ones like these which haunt my nightmares:

And yes, shing shing.

Musically Declined

2009-06-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Not this time. I'm not going to use lyrics to say the words which I wanna say. It was good the previous time. Today, I need my iTunes to be on, my harman/kardon amps pumped up high, and my fingers to the keyboard.

A friend of mine once said that music actually alters your mood. Listening to really nerve-wrecking or sad love songs would make you feel hopeless and all tense in your body. Like an induced trance. That may be true in some cases, I find myself rendered useless to such methods. My body becomes uncomfortable when I'm feeling happy and suddenly, *poof* Pink's "Who Knew" plays in my iPod. Eye-twitching.

I always match my music to my mood. On the contrary to discomfort, it actually makes me feel connected to myself. Amplify how I'm feeling, maybe it does, but it's not always a bad thing. I think it makes me feel braver in knowing that I'm facing up to whatever my situation is posing to me. So unlike my father.

I wouldn't run at the first sense of emotion. Cowardly? Obvious.

I've been doing alot of personal admin the past few days. In cruder terms: I haven't been doing my work. I wonder if all the personal goals I've executed over the past few days have made any change for my life. I hope it did me some good. I hardly think so though. Definitely some regret along those lines. Either way, it's time to get down to some work.

My mind, heart and body are all totally tired right now. They deserve a good rest. So I'll leave you with something which I found last year, which eventually led me to listen to this band which I've come to really like.

Don't you think the little emo dolls look cute? In a non-gay way.

And yes, this wasn't easy.

Musically Inclined

2009-06-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

"Is this just a matter of me getting what I needed?"

-Date Line (Yellowcard)

"I hope you're getting this because I don't when I've been this good"

- Pirate Song (Funeral for a Friend)

"And I would rather me leave, then stay and watch you make a fool of me"

-Breakdown (Forever the Sickest Kids)

"I wish it didn't hurt, hurt like this"

- Post Script (Finch)

"Don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans"

- Sugar, We're Going Down (Fall Out Boy)

"You only hold me up like this cause you don't know who I really am. Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you."

- Of All The Gin Joints In the World (Fall Out Boy)

"Everyone knows I'm in over my head."
"Let's rearrange. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage."
"With eight seconds left in overtime, she's on your mind."

- Over My Head (The Fray)

"So sweet I can hardly speak due to such trauma in my teeth."
"So weak I can hardly keep shaky legs holding up my feet."

-Practice Makes Perfect (Cute Is What We Aim For)

"I'm getting answers to questions I never should have asked"

-The Ghost of St. Valentine (Bayside)

"If you feeling like running today you know I'd understand."
"I'm like your victim and all you need is an alibi."
"You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside."

- Damn Girl (The All-American Rejects)

"What if my chances were already gone? I started believing that I could be wrong."

- No Boundaries (ADAM LAMBERT's version)

"Keep telling myself I'm not the desperate type. Sitting out dances on the wall, trying to forget everything that isn't you."

-7 Minutes in Heaven (Fall Out Boy)

And to end of all of it:

"I took full advantage of being taken full advantage of I took what I could get eventually it took the place of love. The match-makers in heaven, they've got a one-track mind.

So in our case, I don't think they'd mind"

-Cut Me Up, Jenny (Taking Back Sunday)

And yes, let her go.

-Rough Landing Holly (Yellowcard)

Interception & Rejection

2009-06-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

I was going to post another chapter of "Love of Bolivia" up for a post today. But I just had to go talk to my friends and then this unexpectedly cropped up. I believe in friendship more than anything else in the world. More important than any exam I'll ever take, it's worth putting any job up on the steak.

And that makes it all the more harder to post this up.

I wonder if you guys still think I'm tolerable. I feel like a terrible person right now. And I feel like I don't belong. I feel that maybe you all are just too afraid to tell me that I irritate the shit out of you and that's why you ignore me when I speak my mind on my worries.

I tried approaching some of you guys, but I was either laughed at, ignored or just plain told to distract myself. The problems in my life - just as I've always cared for the stuff you guys go through - I've hoped that you would treat mine as a real and heart-paining problem as well. And it hurts to know that I really cherish you guys so much, but my heart and mind always seem to hurt more and more when I talk to you guys about my problems.

I'm laughed at, or my issue is taken as a joke. People start giving me unrealistic solutions which are placed in to make a little joke out of it all. I can laugh about my problem in hindsight, but at that emotional moment, it sucks when it's being mocked and suddenly - the conversation diverts to something else. My issue fades as though it never had any importance.

And I remember a classic moment, just that one classic moment. I was talking to everyone in CANDID and I was hoping to rant and get some feedback, just like every other time someone comes in to rant and the others try to help out. I felt happy, and relieved, to be able to retreat to CANDID to spill my heart out. Sadly, the response that came out was "okay. how about dota?"

After spilling close to an essay worth of information, that came out.

And I have considered the fact that my friends love me like this. To help me distract myself from the problem. But that's just not the way I roll. I've approached some face to face, online, via text. But every corner, I feel worse.

And now the part which I think is the biggest flaw. Myself. How if I'm expecting too much? Maybe problems are meant for myself to solve and friends are there to just give me the fun times? I wouldn't believe that even if you forced it down my throat. I believe that my friendship with you guys stretches beyond that. I believe it, but I haven't been able to feel it.

We so small favours for each other. Walking each other out to the bus-stop, treating dinner, helping a friend pick something up, teaching a friend and the list goes on. I wonder if I ask for just too much and maybe I'm the eccentric one who doesn't deserve your listening ear.

Trust me when I say this, or write this, I'm not angry at you guys. More likely, I'm confused, afraid and feeling very lonely. I'm starting to feel distant and that makes me feel as though I'm losing a very important part of my life. My friends. I mean it when I say that, without you guys I am nothing. Literally.

It's okay to tell me that I disappoint you.

There's so much more I want to write, but I feel bad enough posting this on my blog because I'm ashamed by the way I'm feeling now - to show my losing of sense of friendship.

I'm sorry guys.

And yes, chain.

Quasi-Importance of Love in Real Life

2009-06-02T21:01:00.001-07:00

The mozzarella in the cheeseburger of my heart is beginning to turn soft and sour.

It's a Wednesday. I rather gloomy one if I must say. When I woke up, it was raining. I walked towards the balcony to taste the rain. As the rain danced on my tongue, I felt alive. When I was young, my mother never let me play in the rain. Not even under an umbrella. My father, well, he didn't care what I did. He'd just scold me. But the rain today, wow, it felt good to just sit in the rain and have my Sunshine Bread breakfast.

Ironic. But it tasted good nevertheless.

So as I sat in the rain, which wasn't heavy, I realised that I love Raisins! And on a more important note, I remembered that I left my memory box in the home bomb shelter. I went back inside (after finishing my Sunshine Bread), dried myself with a towel, went down the flights of stairs to dig for that box.

I really hoped no one has peeked inside of it, seeing that I've left if out in the open, vulnerable and it looks oh-so eye-catching.

I found it. Didn't looked like anyone touched it. Looks can be deceiving though. Anyway, I was just relieved that I didn't lose it. And just for old-time's sake, I went out to the balcony again to open it up. Nostalgic because I started this little box collection on a balcony as well. I had to bring an umbrella outside though - the box is looking a little old and flimsy.

And boy did the weather reflect my reactions.

Inside I found traces of me which I almost forgot. My obsession with symbols and film photography. I found rolls of film, undeveloped but were really not in my interest to revisit. I found photos which I never thought I had, and photos which I wish I hadn't seen again. I saw friendships which I once cherished and then lost into far far away memories. I also found my Cardcaptop Sakura Colour Pencils - that was cool.

The most important thing I found though was this letter I h

ad. I got it for my 15th Christmas. It prompted me to go online and also on my Mac (which I swear I would never touch again). I dug up all those archived items which made me laugh at myself.

It was a letter from someone I once liked alot. I'd be surprised if that someone still visits my blog, but honestly does it really matter? I looked through all related articles and I started to tear up. I won't lie. My friends would probably laugh at that, but if I weren't me I would laugh at me too. I didn't cry, just teared up.

At the end of it all, I went to have lunch. And I wasn't sure

if I was okay. It's been so long, but has it subsided? I'm pretty sure it has. Then where is the fundamental disappointment coming from? If you feel a slight pain in your heart, isn't that heartache? I'm pretty sure it is. Why did it even make me tear if I didn't care about it anymore? Then I came to a probable and acceptable answer for myself.

Maybe it was me being disappointed in myself.

And I was.

So it could possibly be a realisation today, or maybe it's just reminiscent old memories reminding me how I felt few years back. Whatever case may be, I'm

hungry again and I want to eat some frozen yoghurt.

I'm still bitter about Man U's lost by the way. My dad won't stop waving his bet-winnings in my face. And for some weird reason, my Dad doesn't like Park. Even in multicultural Singapore, racism comes in small forms. Or even just for us Asians.

And yes, quasi-importance not impotence.

Mind-Blasting, Soul-Searching and Heart-Bleeding

2009-05-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm really not that ready to move on yet. Wow, talk about regressive reaction.

The previous day I was unwell. Down with the sickness. Yesterday I was hurt, disappointed, unimaginably pathetic and really wondering how a whole day of rubbish could go by so fast. Worse than a glass of wine, it's like drinking in glasses full of unhappy juice and the potency finally kicks in at the end. That was yesterday.

It's been a crazy past few days. From insanely fun videos on youTube, to extreme comfort-zoning through 10 hours of straight web-surfing, watching 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' and 'Sixth Sense' (again), and especially watching Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3D.

If you wear those 3D glasses, Bob here will also look 3D on your computer screen.

If you tried to wear 3D glasses to see if it really works, you have intelligence equal to Bob's. Quote, from Julian and Bob, "the brain is overrated".

And today came the most interesting question came out for my GP Mid-year exams. I love it, no doubt, but it's so queer and came out at the most interesting time of my life. I told you God was a funny man and he gave Shakespeare a little of his humorous touch. God enjoy a little irony.

"Discuss the appeal and value of self-help books."

Wow. You know that I love questions which are peculiar and unconventional. It screamed "Write me Elliot, write a beautiful piece about me. You know you want to. Don't you want to see me develop? My rebuttal is just waiting to be struck hard by you. Take me, take me now. I want your supporting view points all over me. Build up the climax of your argument and take me home."

And so I did and I was satisfied.

Saturday, during my lunch break from work, I popped by the Marine Parade National Library just to check out Moliere's works. Well, that was my objective, but it was mission fail. What really happened was me walking through the self-help section with all those "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" stuff. Okay, there was also "Yoga for Dummies" but I didn't pick that up.

I found this though and I picked it up immediately. Welcome to when technology meets biology. The result: pure genius.

Okay, so I'm just in the midst of reading it only. Till now, my mind still performs as it always has. Doesn't seem to be working. But the Introduction and the Author's Note promised that I'll be able to remember things better at the end of the series. So far, the methods they have taught me seem like common sense. Like labelling and creating a routine. The hell? Isn't that what organised people do? Are they trying to pull a fast one by selling common sense? If so, then it's just like learning Microeconomics - making something of logical sense into information which sounds more complex then it actually is.

Another Bob moment for education. The brain is overrated.

So by end of this week, I'm going to finish this book. In the process, I hope to remember all the capitals of the countries in the world, every single American President's name, their wives names, their family members names and if they had any pet (and if so, what species). Right after that, I'm going to memorise my history notes.

The latter is going to be much, much, much more difficult.

Don't even get me started on memorising my Economics notes.

And yes, I've got my Jell-O. Take that Derek.

Prelude

2009-05-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

"Little broken rain, that's you behind the pane,
waiting for the amour, the time of tide again.
You are the butterfly who's wings flutter
the same beat of my heart"

Still with the pencil in hand placed on the notepad. Where his body was, his mind drifted to a place where only his heart felt and his words stitched themselves together. Amidst everyones learning, there he sat at his desk, jotting down the words which came to his head - with only slight awareness to what the teacher was saying. To Robin, this was what would change the world. Not learning arithmetic and statistics so that he could decide if someone was slightly overvaluing their sold apples. Prose, poetry and words - essence of understanding. That would change the world and for the better, mind you that

Robin, age 16, average-scoring student, no real handsome features but not that detestable either. Average was a slight understatement to him. He was not keen on learning about amides and molecules, motions and gravity, human bones and their chemical balance but he was a language prodigy. Nothing interested him more than the fine weaving of words which made the mind tingle and the emotions quiver. That, for him, was a true mark of good literature.

More scribbles on his notepad. Blank notes, but a well dirtied notepad. Education can wait, beauty had to be now.

Oh I can just imagine the emotions, as though heartbreak all made sense to me. Those were just some of the many thoughts which gushed through his mind as he tried to write the lyrical. What would love feel like? Was it everything which was encompassed in Romeo & Juliet? Did the witty banter of flirting hold any true resemblance to that of Austen's Pride & Prejudice? Or was love anything like what happens in classical romance movies? Logically, it wouldn't seem so to him. Love was the emotion which was difficult for his mind to comprehend.

Concepts of war-inflicted agony, the pains of the departed, the sheer indignity of betrayal. These thoughts, emotions, mindsets are their subsequent decisions. They came far easier than that of that one emotion. Which to him was ironic, because for that one emotion, it usually required two or more people. It really was a mystery to him, but a mystery which he wanted to capture with finely woven words.

Across the class, where reality is as real to her as it was to Robin, sat your less-than-average school girl. Her hand grasping her classic blue pencil, something which she was famous for in her class. Know one knew where she got it from, but she always had a new one when the previous was left with exactly 6cm in length. Queer, but it was habit. In front of her was the standard score paper, with circles and lines all over it - to some which would be a mystery, but to the musically-learned girl it was the sound of music.

And just like any other class she was at, she would secretly be listening to her discman. Strategically placed earphones so that her teacher would never see it. As the lesson got by, so was the score sheet filled. The music gently flowed in her mind. What looked like black and white on paper was a resounding melody of colours which only she could hear.

That doesn't sound so good. Maybe transposing would do it some climatic goodness. These were the only thoughts which occupied her mind. Her thoughts were just another tempo, her heartbeat just another rhythm. Her actions synchronized with the beat of her own life. Something remarkable if you would ask. Her movements made her look graceful because it flowed with natural order. How to explain?

Maybe music isn't suppose to be explained, but felt and appreciated. Or at least that's what Leah chose to believe. She stood by music under any siege.

Little did these two know about how their lives were about to change. Each other, the lives around them and the very notion of what it means to live. Right, to place our beliefs in education-ignoring, passion-chasing, self-serving 16 year old students. This is one story which maybe words or sound may have difficulty explaining.

Hide the text

Right. So here is something which I've procrastinated for about a few months now. I've hidden it so that if you don't want to read it and think it's just rubbish, you don't have to. Honestly, I'm quite proud of myself. And for two reasons:

I've written a story which made myself think alot and made me find out about how I feel towards certain notions are imposed values. Whatever that means.
For being brave and sharing something which I thought I would take to my grave, knowing that this could be a story which I write based on my teenage experiences and will be laughed at by the time I'm 21. Or 19 for that matter.

If you click the link, it'll show you the prelude which I've just concocted to open this story. I don't know if writing a prelude to an existing story actually works or turns out nice but I hope to create a right setting before everything begins. So expect the next few chapters to be out soon. Besides, it's just transferring of words from fool-scap to a Microsoft document and Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. Easy.

So here's a toast to what seems like another step forward for me. I can only pray that the end result is not embarrassment and the words "epic fail".

I'm just a photographer, you're so much more.

And yes, composition means everything.

*Edit: Apparently I suck at this HTML encryption stuff. Whenever you tried to hide/show text, it would lead you to a Blogger sign-in. Till I get it fixed, I've decided to just let it be open for all to read. Hope this issue resolves soon. Thanks everyone for tolerating this*

Hurricanes, Novocaine and Standing In The Poruing Rain

2009-05-22T03:10:00.000-07:00

Invisible man stared in the mirror and realised the absurdity of life.

Appreciate the ironies of life. It's what makes you the quirky person you are. And the stories are triple the fun when told to others. Everyone should learn that irony is just a little bit of pain, traded off for a whole lot of happiness. You feel a little hurt now, but retrospect gives you legendary/unforgettable laughs. Or at least a smile.

The only person I remember who can never smile is that canteen aunty who used to work at the snacks stall in my school. I wonder where she teleported too.

Allegedly, the creator of Teletubies wanted to create a spin-off show starring her.

Yeah, I'm sure. In that series, the Baby Sun would be crying. The skies would be grey. The Teletubies would be high on Ganja which can now be found in their Tubbytoast and slitting their wrist, listening to Hawthorne Heights. What a kids show it would be.

It's just like Mickey Mouse from South Park. Disturbing and conspiratorial.

Smiling is important. Therefore, we can conclude that teeth are i

mportant components of this phenomenon. Using hypothesis testing, we'll want to test at 5% significance level that the relative straightness and shine of ones teeth does have an impact on looking good. Using a our Z-test statistic, we have found that the p-value is less than 0.05 and thus we have to reject the alternative hypothesis.

So now that we know that teeth are important, it brings me to one of my discomforts in life - The Dentist. I do not like needles (although tolerable), I do not like bright lights shining down on my face with a silhouette asking me how I'm doing in school. The dentists just don't get it: I can't respond to you properly when you place a water-sucking tube in my mouth and manoeuvring your tiny mouth-mirror around my molars.

And we pay you about a hundred bucks per session.

Mind you, the same treatment from a therapist (listening to my problems and qualms of

everyday life) costs the same. Why choose the one who inflicts pain? Yea, I thought so. No good comeback.

But I'm not complaining. At least my treatment is done in a governmental building. It's better than losing all my teeth. In case my dentist does read this, take no offence. Because at least, I regard you better than these guys.

And yes, the power of sarcasm.

Sins I Rather Throw Into The Bins

2009-05-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

We are all sinners, just that some of us don't get caught in the act.

The even better ones though are able to make someone else take blame for what they have done. Legally. A real life Iago in my opinion. What can possibly be scarier than knowing someone out there can manipulate your thought, action and seem like a friend at the same time. I think that's what makes Iago one of the most interesting Shakespearean characters.

I'm a closeted literature lover (and sometimes I hate to admit it).

I don't know how, I don't know why, but sometimes isn't it hard to be who we are in front of others? It's hard to be passionate about something and trying to hide it from the world. I sometimes find myself embarrassed that I am a lit-geek. (And this makes this blog post all the more embarrassing to write but I guess it's a step forward in becoming a braver person). Or maybe I'm just stereotyping lit lovers to mainly be women and/or metrosexual men.

And I think stereotyping has narrowed certain parts of my life. I've never really seen myself as a person who easily catergorized others, yet little did I know that I was doing so so-so subtley.

I've kept my distance from Mandarin music for far long enough; it's time for some change. It's time for me to just become a little more open with myself. And reading a few posts ago that I don't understand lyrics, I only have one thing to say to myself: Go brush up on the language and maybe you wouldn't have to complain so much.

Myself is smart. I should listen to him more often.

I found myself talking to Angeline at the clubroom and atrium today. I miss my exco. More than ever now that we're all switching back to reality. Post-CCA blues, a little ambivalent, but yes. I always feel like I owe a great one to them for being the insightful, caring and considerate people they are. And even if I appreciate them during my work time, I never knew that there's still so much more appreciation that I missed out in giving them. You only know the truest value of a person when their image becomes fleeting.

Today, she translated lyrics for me. Music is trans-language, transnational. The border-crossing phenomenon. And she's right, some things are just left best in its original state. And music contains that element (not always, but it does). It's good to have friends who are fluent in Chinese. Thanks Angeline and Zheng Hui.

And I know sometimes my words can fail me. My English words. And I realised today that some pains cannot be fixed by things which I know. It's as though I want to escape from who I am just at that moment. Maybe an alternative language medium could help me express that.

No promises, but anything is worth trying once. With heart for once.

Anything that's worth doing was also worth overdoing. A wise and treasured friend told me that too. And I guess this means I will push myself. It's okay to not like ourselves,

but it's a sin for us to hate and not think that change is necessary.

And yes, I write tragedies. Eat that, Panic!

Knowledge Isn't Winning Anything Today

2009-05-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'll come out of this happy. But I'm going to do it anyway.

It's funny how sometimes we know things defy logic but we decide to follow with the plan anyway. Is it a self-commanded desire to prove yourself wrong and feed the happy ending in our minds? Or maybe it's the wanting to see things to the end and make sure that you're not letting go too early. Whatever the case is, the fat squirrel never won the hungry lion.

Yet, this is not today's main focus.

I have one statement which I just want to say today: I'm afraid of losing my life.

Losing my life to the MugMonster. It's the terrible soul-stealing, fun-destroying, joy-smashing monster which only aim is to draw the very essence of life away from us. A demonic image of black and white, with words only written and hardly spoken. With its vast wisdom, it masters in content. It is indeed a horrifying image.

Its powers are extraordinary and it works in wonderous ways. With his evil sidekick Peer Pressure, they go all out to inflict us the great torment. He sends electrical pulses down your veins and in your brain. Slowly, bit by bit, your bones start to disintegrate and your brain starts to swell. Larger and larger. And as though the image wasn't disturbing enough, you become encased in metal. Circuits and chips start to replace the very organs you once had, creating its own intricate electrical system. And before you know it, you become another machine of society.

I don't want to be a part of the machine.

They probably don't want me either.

But its okay, there's still some hope for me (and by extension, the rest of this world). We just need to ensure that our life isn't simply centered around books, notes and essays. That's right, hear me out. Life is much more of that. Go play some sports, take up a hobby, go join a gang. Just please, please, don't devote yourself to the Holy Order of Living Education (HOLE). Muggers usually find themselves studying so hard in the academy that they are easily promoted to the Associate Senior Student position (ASS). Do you really want to be an ASSHOLE? The life of one is hard and shitty.

My case, presented to you.

And yes, 400D is coming home.

Kicking and Screaming, Baby

2009-05-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Finally a Godfather, I feel like a real man.

At 1245pm today, on the 2nd of May 2009, at KK Children & Women's Hospital, Ms. Sabrina Lee has finally given birth to Jocelyn Low Pei Jun. So Daryl is a father by inheritance now. Good luck you two - new life in this world for the win. You can definitely do it, you've made it through this far with each other and though times have sucked before, I know no parent is perfect and it is that exact quality which gives the child the potential for greatness.

I guess I have to give you two a present to say 'Congrats' right? I'm going to make you an offer you just can't refuse.

It's been an awfully exciting day considering all the joyous crying and laughter which filled the air. The thing about young mothers and fathers: they still retain a childlike sense of humour. Sure, the jokes can be crude - but we all need that once in awhile. (Just don't ask the fat lady when's her due date when she's just at the hospital for a heart checkup.)

Might I add that seeing a newborn baby is quite a warm feeling for me? She's cute. Really cute. And as you see her just sleeping in the little plastic container, quietly with unopened eyes, it evokes happiness. Is that how first-time parents feel? Unexplainable joy, limitless pride and a certain sense of anticipation. I really want to see this child grow. I really want to know what she'll be like when she grows up. I really want to see how I influence her and how she too does for my life.

I really want a child of my own when I grow up.

It probably stems from my job working at my mum's Speech & Drama company, working with kids, and this whole childbirth thing. It really makes you think. Or at least it made me do so. Alright, not all kids are adorable but some of them are. Some are monkeys who do nothing but jump around, cause havoc and destroy CPUs. And that is not cool. But there are others who are innocent and wise.

Kids can be wise too. They teach you things you either have forgotten or lost while growing up. Sometimes, they even see the things which matter more and that we don't see.

And as they say, like father like son. I guess my little one will be a genius afterall. I would be a proud father, teaching my son how to play Guitar Hero X. By the time he's born, they should have come out with at least X or IX. And my son will get to play "When Darkness Falls".

Speaking of when darkness falls, I've got a poster for all of this.

Arun, we better meet up soon. Don't hide your face from me.

And yes, Sab, I hope you little girl will never have to shout "Say Hello to my little brother" because it's still too sooon.

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

2009-04-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

Therefore I don't take walks in the park.

Okay, poor attempt at boosting my own self-confidence. But can't say I didn't try. You'd think that after reading chick lit I would at least have grown a greater emotional perception on life. I have grown, but I guess it isn't enough. Oh wait, I'm a guy. Whew, then I guess it's okay.

Walking in the park in the non-smoking area clears my head. It's just slightly more conversational when I'm with friends. It's a very bad habit to talk to yourself in public so friends for the win. And there are things which when you say, you actually want a response. Epic friends for epic win.

Truth be told, mind disorientation now.

And it's not because I walked such a long distance through East Coast Park. I exercise regularly.

Speaking of fires, I actually wanted to talk about something which recently prompted me to react with this heated reaction. The idea of burning memories. No pun intended on both counts. I'm not trying to be emo about this. I really do feel saddened by this entire experience.

I might just have to accept the fact that I'll never be ever revisit this journey and memories. The feeling that I will never be able to experience this ever again. I've met genuinely good people (and more importantly friends) who have big caring hearts, the forgiving and understanding nature and all with a unique sense of humor. Teachers, members and my beloved exco.

I will miss the Photography Club. Dearly.

I'm really going to cherish these last few days. Although how sad I am, I'm extremely hopeful for the next batch of successors and the J1s. Really, I think they aren't two seperate entities anymore. They've become so close that I think the club has just evolved in a brighter direction already. What I wouldn't do to get that close to my batch of J2s. I guess that was failure on my part and I'm sorry for not living up to that ideal which I've held close to my heart. But to the J2 photography members/friends, all your smiles and enthusiasm really did keep me going.

Without saying, the teachers have changed my life. They've shown me my flaws and pushed me to question my own sense of identity. Sounds lit like, but it's the truth. For that, I'm grateful. They've shown guidance and support. Sure, I've felt the pressure but I've seen my incompetence and it is ultimately my fault. I came into the club looking for purpose and growth, I got it rght here from them. To show such support, to go beyond the line of duty to educate and supervise, they actually slogged it out with us (in which I feel guilty) and eventually became a pillar.

And onto the most significant group of people I've worked with: the exco. How you guys have changed my life, somethings even good words can't explain. In all honesty, I always question whether I've been a good and valid leader for this team. You all seem to be strong in your own special ways, each of you having that unique quality/trait which defines you and makes you a strong link of the team. I don't know if I've lived up to what you expected of me, but I can tell you this: everything that has happened, everything which this club has achieved, you have been the ones whom I find the strength to push on and you have made it all possible. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I can't function without you guys. As a leader, I couldn't have asked for any better team - because a great team is not about the skills alone but the strength of character and depth of their hearts.

Thank you for being pillars of support for this boy who has learned much from each and everyone of you. Not only has it changed my life, but it has changed for the better. Vanessa was right: We are one big family (:

Also, for number 1 fan girl Hilma and her friend Sharon. Cheers! Yup, I mentioned you in my post.

Today's post isn't the last. Let's see what happens on Wednesday.

And yes, dear waterworks.

Chef's Speciality: Soup de Grâce

2009-04-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

In other words, it's FML Campbell style.

Someone walked pass me and said "Celebrate life, celebrate being you". Apparently, I had no idea what she wanted or whether she was drinking before this. But I don't think my school allows alcohol within the compound. She went around telling people that 'you've gotta enjoy being the you you really are who is inside of you and outside of you'.

I don't think she thought through that sentence properly.

At that moment, I remembered this legendary moment I witnessed on television. Let's watch it once more in all its geographical and intellectual glory.

Elegant Blue Dress - US$1799
Diamond Earrings - US$2999
Total Wages for Asian Workforce who made those stuff - US$5
Legendary incoherence of words - Priceless

So, despite the chaos in language, I still try to attempt to decipher the underlying messages behind their speeches. Miss South Carolina wasn't that hard to interpret: it just screamed I'm either unprepared and nervous or I'm unexaggeratedly bimbotic. I prefer to believe the latter but we sometimes have to give the benefit of the doubt.

And we also respect uniqueness.

As for the "celebration of life", I think that goes without saying that you shouldn't tell that to someone who feels he has no one to rely on. Because to him, celebrating life is equivalent to celebrating his personal failures, lonliness and insecurities. Talk about true friends, he'll probably tell you to FYL.

I'm being optimistic here despite the fact that sometimes it is difficult to find the reasons to celebrate ones life. Oh well, there's always the A Levels. I think I'm going to give this unique exam a similarly unique tagline.

The GCE A' Levels - 11 Units of Joy, 2 Years, 1 Hell of a headache.

So muster up all the coruage, and screw uniqueness. You don't get bonus marks for the personal strength of "ability to impersonate George W. Bush" (which is pretty funny by the way). At the end of the day, being unique doesn't mean you are a cut above the rest. Welcome to the real world.

And yes, I'm a straight fork. Who's bent?

Wasting Time On A Timeless Crime

2009-04-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

So disordered lately, like angsty women in my head hurling racial slurs. And also in my iPod.

A mind is much like a music playlist. In fact, my iPod metaphors my mind.

Every morning, I like to choose a certain set of songs. I call it "The Morning-After PillList ". It has songs which just perk me up. Ironically, Cry Me A River is one of them. Don't think I can't appreciate Justin Timberlake. I'm an open guy. This I promise you. It covers a wide span of songs which I feel make me a better person at the start of the day. Honestly, without the music, I'm not a real morning person.

Maybe that's why it's always a circus for me at night.

My mind isn't that complicated. When I act like somebody else it gets me frustrated. Well, life's like this I guess. The Morning-After playlist helps me in the morning and I don't intend on changing that playlist anytime soon. Yet, for every mood there is always a mix which will work. It's like how you don't want to listen to Jessica Simpson telling you that her boots were meant for walking right all over me when you lose to an arrogant girl in your forte. Dispicable.

It's difficult to be optimistic in life sometimes. I'm broke but I'm happy, I'm poor but I'm kind, I'm short but I'm healthy. Yeah. But, in a twisted way, things have been looking good from different angles (and I'm not just saying this because I'm running away from my problems. I do this so the problems will run away from me.)

So basically, without the music you might as well call me zombie.

What's in my head right now is simple. I'm tired. Burned out rather. I don't know why now, how it happened or even how I'm going to resolve it. Dawn of War helps, but I can't be conquering planets "just for fun". Doesn't seem quite right in reaching my potential.

Everyone has there own preference of music and create their own spreadsheet of songs. And it makes me wonder: if everyone's playlists reflected their moods, minds and hearts similar to me, I could really connect to someone on a deeper level. I'm talking about 'philosophical' stuff, not the "Avril Lavigne and that Sum41 guy, that's news man" kind of stuff. I'm talking about "Man, the words 'Apple bottom jeans', yeah, that's deep man. Reminds me of the Chaos theory and Murphy's law. That's deep stuff man."

I always look at lyrics when I find a certain song hits me. Hard. Deep. Rough. Strong. Maybe I got that from studying literature but that doesn't really matter. And maybe that's why I don't listen to Mandarin music. Don't be racist, Mandarin is a language - Chinese is a race. I don't listen to them because I don't get the lyrics at all. Honestly, some of the song tunes are (in Chen's words) verr nice. The sad part comes when I hardly know what they say and I listen to the song a couple more times and then forget about it.

But you know which Chinese songs stay in my head? Those which the lyrics have been translated to me and it "strikes more chords". The only other song which I don't know the lyrics to but think it's a fun listen is Huo Yan Jia by Jay Chou. Simply because, the song is slightly monosyllabic.

huo-hw-huo-huo-hw-hwo-hwo

Thanks to my current exco in photog, I've learned much about appreciating new songs of other languages. I also now enjoy Korean guys singing English songs. Hey hey, my secondary school testimonial said I respect multicultural diversity okay? I finally have proof. So yup, special thanks to Angeline, Shirleen, Vanessa and Zheng Hui (in alpahbetical order :p). You guys really help me through this high barrier to entry in the openess of my life.

Oh man, the fact that I'm starting to allude to school work is starting to make me worry about my stress level which further leads to my blood pressure and finally, vertigo.

I'm going to enjoy these last few weeks to the fullest. Regrets are for those who either don't give it all or don't be thankful for what they have. Anti-regret for the win.

So remember everyone, your playlist is important. Start your day on the right foot. Always appreciate the music artists' strive to create to make your day a better one. Buy the original stuff. Warning! Hypocrit alert. Keyboard will self-destruct in T-minus 10 seconds.

Credit the real man.

And yes, one month of anti-blog guilt, a week of redemption.

Being Epic Is Easy

2009-03-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

If your name is Chuck Norris. If not, you just visit failblog.org. We don't fail in life, but millions around the world do whether we know it or not.

Chuck Norris gives three thumbs up. Just because he has the capacity to.

On the contrary, I've got a General Paper Examination tomorrow in school. During the term break. Another proud post brought to you by Failblog. But GP is something I know that if I put my heart to, it's going to be fun and enjoyable. At least it takes my worry away from Economics and History just for those small few hours.

I could take the easy way out and put 'Chuck Norris' as my answer to tomorrow's question of "Saving the environment is a luxury of the rich. Discuss" and get my free 50 over 50. But Chuck Norris does not cheat, and neither should I. But unlike him, I just can't win everything with a roundhouse kick.

I actually study instead of staring down at a book, inducing immense fear, so much so that the book gives me information. I'm not that epic as he-whose-name-I-dare-not-speak. He whose initials share with that of the highly toxic and deadly Cyanide Ion. That is not a coincidence.

Seriousness aside, it's time to really consider how the word 'Epic' plays out in my life. What are the steps I can take the make any day be tagged by that word? What I wouldn't give to tell myself that my life is fully E. There are days when life seems ever-epic. Ultimate Crewness is one of them.

But I only get their epicness rub off on me. I'm not that really epic myself.

That's exactly what I love about my friends. A whole bunch of fearlessly fun, united and caring, always up to wreck some hell around. And no matter what we do, the friendship is tried and tested but never broken. Maybe this is what Chuck should learn - his motivational poster does not even come close to ours.

I'm not trying to be cheesy. I genuinely think my friends are that awesome, that epic. By the books itself, I know I'm in a friendship which is built to last. By the feeling, I'm too high to even feel anything.

Speaking of cheesy, they said Dragonball Evolution was about the same. America should learn a good lesson that this is what happens when you bring a member of Team White Bread to play a clearly Asian role. Just like Park Ji Sung, you place him in his right place and the results are clearly...

Epic.

So take a bow Chuck, it's time for you to take a second place spot for once.

And yes, Chuck is invited to my housewarming.

The Central Metaphor

2009-03-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

Metaphorically speaking, this is the sun dying when the moon needs light to protect those who sleep well at night.

Blogging has become an even greater luxury good, seeing that time is only of the essence for me. In the race, it is I who has to catch up to time. Time and tide wait for no man. Time is way ahead of me and the minute-hand isn't going to come around again to pick me up. My weight sort of broke the seconds hand.

The flame spirit of this blog isn't ready to go out yet. If it must breathe my oxygen, then I'll settle for a little more carbon dioxide. In a way, I'm proud of how far I've come and lasted with this work of art. It doesn't burn extremely bright, but it's warm enough to touch my own heart. That warmth is good enough for me, even if others only feel the drafts from the air. And as long as I can, I hope to keep adding that waxy layer over and over again so that flame can burn just a little longer.

I don't offer much here. In fact, I only provide my 2 cents here. Sometimes I even wonder what more I can do to make it a little more interesting. But that's just it. This blog is how it's suppose to be. When I look back at all my previous posts, I see little pieces of me forming up - becoming who I am today. And really, this place catches moments which I've loved. I'm ever-often surprised on how I write and smile at the mac (which isn't really suppose to happen considering that it's my mac) knowing that I've really encompassed all the feelings in those events well in these pages.

And I hope I'll revisit this page one day.

Because, I want to promise myself that I'll take good care of this blog. It's changed me in a way. I started with the idea that I had to make a place for people to read about me. Let alone, I never knew it was going to become a place where I could rediscover myself and cherish my memories. All those times. The countless times with theCrew - the most trusted friends I've ever had. The awkward times in my life with relatives, sales people, random people on the streets. And of course the milestones of my life. Through each of those events, I've seen myself grow in a non-height-metaphorical way.

Once I have the time, I'll commit to nourishing this blog. Whether it was the blogskin which was long lost with my laptop, or the many drafted posts which had some great ideas but were never really fully developed due to lack of time, I'll work on them when the time permits.

I think I've found the first item on the 'Things to do after the A Levels List' which my good secondary school friend, Xavier, reminded me that it was never too early to have one. It gets the mind going. And as I mention his name, I suddenly remember blog posts related to all sorts of incidents between us. I guess I'm a sucker for good memories.

To talk more about motivation, here's a photo I've dug up and made something which I think I'm gonna print and frame in my new room. Welcome to Ultimate Crewness - one of the best friendships I've ever encountered in my life. Who's birthday is next?

And yes, I meant it was an absolut term. No typo.

The Sick-In-Bed, Sick-In-Head Theory

2009-03-03T17:16:00.000-08:00

I've never been this sick in a long time. Really, I hardly ever take 3 days off school for a sickness.

But desperate times calls for desperate measures and this stupid food poisoning (not alcohol) and high fevers is something I am drugging myself in hopes of recovery. I can't remember the last time I took 5 different kinds of medicine and have to sit myself in bed to do everything.

That includes blogging.

I'm glad that my mother's laptop is so user-friendly, although it is a Mac. As much as I complain about Mac computers/laptops, I finally see that I shouldn't be taking it for granted. But who am I kidding? I'm getting my new com in under 15 days and that's when I smash my Mac desktop for all the pain and hurt it has ever caused me.

Let's recount those horrible moments:

The million times that I couldn't play any online games
Lagging in online games
Auto-locking of my files and desktop icons
The many times it deleted my work because it froze up on me
And I had to do that work all over again
The fact that I can never upgrade my Flash Player to ver10.
The Mac-compatible MSN Messenger for always cutting my conversations: being able to receive messages but never able to reply.
Absolutely no proper torrenting software (not that I torrent because I'm a legal kid - I just had to complain that Windows > the crap sitting in the corner of the dining hall)
No access to Frets On Fire. Just great.

I'm sure there were more times I felt like smashing the G5 but maybe the thoughts are too painful to revisit. Freud would say I was suppressing these thoughts so that I can live a happier life. I hope these thoughts don't come back to haunt me.

So with my mother's Macbook in hand, I was wondering what I could do in bed. What does a sick person do when he just can't get out of bed and has internet access on an internet-friendly Macbook? I could surf any site I wanted to. No parents to watch over me on a working day.

Yes, that's right, I'm going to watch youTube for all my old-favourite Mad TV Skits. That's a cast of real people who are sick-in-head. Have you met Carpenter, Dutch and Storm? Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.

And yes, hello Asus.

The Great Revival

2009-02-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

Is here.

It's been too long and I've been unfaithful to my blog. It's such an uneasy feeling knowing that I'm neglecting this creation which I take pride in. So uneasy that I woke up at 2:38am on Sunday morning, just so that I could finally write something. Even the Sandman wants me to blog. I must be really good at this.

Things have changed within the last few weeks of non-updates. From getting the longest of punishments to the concert of those aligned with the Gods. There was Valentines' Day, the NUS History Seminar, the MJC Photography SPCA Exhibition, the new J1 batch in the MJ Photog Family, and a progression of dreams. Whatever the hell that means.

They say dreams are like rainbows: they look nice, but only idiots chase them thinking that there's gold at the end of it. I'm smarter. I plant the leprechaun to ensure my gold is there.

I've been busy. And fortunately, or unfortunately, I'm still going to be busy for time to come. Essays, organization, bridges, the game. So many things that need attention and I struggle with the necessities. This is insane. I'm up to my head with worries. My handphone bill is too.

I've tried many ways to de-stress myself. I'll admit, not all of them work. Exercise just makes me more tired. Gaming just makes me addicted. Worse of all, reality makes me feel like it's the worst game ever. Which it is.I'm looking at my planning schedule in my little red book of endless thoughts and plans and I'm thinking to myself: This book is depressing. In fact, my life right now is just a depressing mess. I wonder why I called the title of this blog post The Great Revival. My life isn't getting any revival soon. It's still in the dead-sloggish state of grinding ideas, plans, essays and studies.

On the bright side, I'm getting my allowance soon.

Which really doesn't help, considering the fact that I won't have time to spend that money. What's the use of having a bright side when all there is at the end of the bright side is cynicism. I'll be waiting. Waiting for the holidays to come so that my long-saved money can be spent on trying to improve my standard of living. As I know it, I'm just slowly but surely melting away in this lava pool called Life.

Oh it feels good just to blog something again.

So now, it's time for me to continue playing the Worst Game Ever. The chair next to me has my history files, economics file and math file on it. A gloomy reminder that Sundays can be a dread too.

May luck be with those who are taking exams now. Pain is only a feeling.

And yes, motivational posters don't really work.

Inspiration

2009-02-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

Something which never really seem to come easily.

But today it hit me hard. One of the most inspirational times I have ever felt. I really felt something inside this time and I wouldn't even want to lie about it. Somehow all the pictures I had didn't really matter anymore when I could see so much more right in front of my eyes.

Today was when I learned that believing in ourselves, team spirit, and a great nature are all important in making dreams turn into reality.

And this was made possible through a committee which I think really deserve everything they got today. With a leader of great character, a man who has always had a earth-load of my respect for being a leader with heart. The entire committee made of dedicated, diligent and intelligent leaders. Supported by the rest of the house, the house comm has made me see a new light today.

Yes, a James Joyce moment.

Hats off to Phobos. Hell yeah.

Maybe it was seeing how greatness was achieved really woke something inside of me.The enthusiasm, the teamwork, the moral support in all times, and mainly the love. I really never expected a project such as Orientation to teach someone like me lessons which had little to do with orienteering J1s around a school. It taught me life lessons.

As much as I cried today, I know they were for good reasons. It was not just because I was happy for the House's success but also the overwhelming amount of inspiration that just filled up inside. Believe me, suppressing it was something I tried.

So thank you, the House which I've come to love. You have changed me.

And yes, hot.

Super-Mega-Hyper-Double-Team-Combo Finish!

2009-02-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

K.O.

Too bad that never happens in StarCraft though. Today felt like a Zerging and all my bases belong to them. The Canteen's absolute peace and quiet which I used to have during my 1025 break was broken but somehow, this zerg attack didn't feel so bad. In fact, it felt kinda nice knowing that their was flesh blood in my school.

Clueless, optimistic, and thrill-seeking new batch of freshman. It really triggered some moments I had when I first stepped into school and thinking about all the fun I was going to have in MJC. Okay, so I guess not everything turned out as ideal in my mind - the part about getting a toned body, straight As, height, H3 Literature and more allowance.

J1s, welcome to our Junior College. I think it's tag line was something like:

"JC Education - Crushing ideals, hopes and dreams since the dawn of these institutions"

But off course, I appreciate some of the finer things this education route has given me, regardless of how much I complain with my keyboard. Discovering more about my non-academic self and challenging my beliefs, learning to see people in many different lights and getting to understand what it's like to live in a world where everything is inter-connected.

But this all means finding that group of people whom you can execute than 3 power bar hyper finishing move that will ensure maximum damage or just a really cool attack animation. I don't know. It's either that massive destruction or the sexy ways of assassination which makes me feel, what's the word? That's right.

Excited.

I think I've either been playing too much King of Fighters or X-Men Vs. Street Fighter. Off course not on any pathetic gaming console. Mine's similar to the Dreamcast. It's just slightly shorter. I played these games in my Dream.

Sometimes I also wish I was Rogue. At least the male version of her. My powers were to kiss people to absorb their powers/memories? I guess learning will be an easier task. With all due respect to my tutors, I would kiss you all any day. If it means getting my straight As, being Rogue would be awesome.

But then again, I rather have charm. Charm can yield passion. A power-absorbing kiss is nothing without the passion. I wonder which fictional character I know truly has charm. Maybe Fitzwilliam Darcy but then again, some claim he is gay. Charm, one of the most intricate and intangible tools of human skill sets.

If you think I'm not talking much sense now, I think it's because there's less fresh oxygen in the canteen for me to breathe now. It's like a. It's like a oxygen-sucking-like parasite.

Damn it, things will never be the same.

Which can be a great thing. Long live change. Positive change. Positive growth. Positive height.

No grapples on me.

And yes, welcome to the age of team work.

Sometimes I Just Wish

2009-01-31T08:34:00.000-08:00

That I had the ability to make those wishes come true.

Life can be so utterly random yet expected some times. I sometimes see myself saying random things, only to find out that they can actually me the matter of fact. And life is funny that way. Funny can also be ironic sometimes, but that's just me.

Like when you say "Don't worry, I'm sure by the time we get to the bus stop, our bus service will be there". Only when you're 100m from the bus stop, you suddenly see your bus service boarding passengers and your two legs start the horsepower.

And that's when I sometimes wish I was Usain Bolt. I'd never miss my bus. In fact, I wouldn't even need the bus to get to where I want to be.

Or sometimes when the people who hurt you the most suddenly make you feel as though you've been touched by an angel. Or vice versa. It's random, but it's not impossible. It's funny how rare it is for someone you loathe to suddenly demonstrate an act of kindness onto you, but how simple it is for someone you hold dear to your heart cause so much distress, hurt and heartbreak - in even just small actions.

But the best constants in life is knowing that the dirt-holes in your life never change. It's no benefit, but it makes you know that you're alive and that you have something to overcome.

I'm not pro-bitching, but once in awhile it's good to get stuff off your chest in a sensible, heartfelt and honest spill-out. Even if you don't bitch, I bet you think it too. Really deep. Oh don't deny it. Bitching is no fun when "everyone" opposes what you say.

That's when I wish that I was a mind-reader so I would be prepared when people want to bitch about me. But things like that only happen in Heroes.

Therefore, instead, I wish I were taller so I wouldn't have to be called "小弟弟" at the Chicken Rice stall near my house. I'm not a little boy and I can prove it. No, there's no sexual innuendo in this entire post.

My pen is definitely a mighty tool.

And sometimes I wish I could do something to make myself appear less of a outright loser. Or maybe what I should be really wishing is that God give me support for my strengths. Being an outright loser isn't as easy as it seems to be. Try having a whole bunch of crap reactions and place them in one person. God does create intricate creatures (:

So until all my "loh-hei" wishes off growing up taller come true, I'm going to keep wishing.

And yes, genuine concern is wishful thinking.

Steps

2009-01-21T23:56:00.000-08:00

Find suitable wall-like surface
Stand with your feet perpendicularly while facing wall.
Bang head against wall.
Repeat Step 3 till satisfied.

Simply put it, these are the general guidelines to Regret & Self-Pity. If at any point in time blood appears, refrain from taking alcohol. Nothing is worse than wasting alcohol.

Since Chinese New Year is coming soon, I thought I should make a little prelude by focusing about steps and guides. What's worse than finding yourself in a shitty situation is knowing that shit is coming and not having an action plan.

I'm usually guilty of that every Chinese New Year. Reunion dinner questions-cum-insults and many other embarrassing moments can make your new year feel like you just stuffed two damn oranges up yours. I know my relatives are going to get annoying, yet I wire myself on angsty music and coffee. That just screams "Push my button for self-destruction".

So I decided to make the shortest idiot's guide ever.

The Idiot's Guide to Familial Survival

Welcome. If you are reading this, please ensure that you are reading this at least a week prior to your family meeting. The preparation, mental and physical, for your ordeal is great and thus we beseech that you remain steadfast and vigilant as you read this book - for your own sake.

-Scenario 1 -
The Reunion Dinner
We'll have to look at this from different perspectives. Not everyone is the same - yet the problems can be equally treacherous. So let's go through the different 'types' of people:

The Soft-Spoken Single
Family members wonder why with your age, you're still single. They don't show it, but they are pissed they have to give you red packets at that age. Get married. Those are the only thoughts they have. They really like to rub it in during 捞鱼生 saying more marriage-related, pregnancy-wishing phrases in Chinese and then looking at you as they raise their chopsticks high. That's right, they want you de-flowered asap and you don't really like to retaliate you soft-spoken idiot.

Solution: It's time to talk about possibility! Bring a girlfriend along (even if it means getting a gal-pal to accompany you). It's not lying if you say there's a chance that once your career has settled in nicely, which you must emphasize you wish to come soon, you'll start strongly thinking about starting a family. Once that phrase has melodiously flooded their ears only two words remain - problem solved.

The Failure Child/Family Black Sheep
Always looked down upon the family due to constant job or academic failure. Or maybe just the black sheep of the family who just always gets the sympathy. You know you hate it but you also know the black sheep has no say. Relatives tell you that they can offer you a small job at their multi-corporate company as a janitor saying that "it's the least family can do". It's not that you're dumb, it's just that you are the black sheep. You don't suck at all. It's just the damn label on your head saying "Target me because you don't want to talk about your own insecurities".

Solution: Buy a bottle of champagne. Nothing shuts people up more about you when you buy them alcohol. In the meantime, you can also take some time to apply for a good job. You might not get it but apply for it anyway. You'll have the opportunity to tell your family "I applied for a job at City Bank and they said that they were really pleased with my application. It's all thanks to my recommendations". You didn't have those recommendations on your applications but just take your Facebook Wall comments which say you are great and quote them. Instant win.

The Achiever Who Everyone Is Jealous Of
You don't think you're God. In fact, you are humble which is still an understatement. But everyone just wants to take you down. To them, you are a spineless, cunning backstabber who will do anything to get the top. The worse thing you have done in your life was break up with your girlfriend because she cheated on you with 8 other guys within the 8 months you were dating. Here come the comparisons with their sons and daughters in hopes that you cannot match them. Somehow you do match (and surpass) but you decide to keep your mouth shut - yet somehow it stings inside. They pick on your flaws such as paying too much attention to your story book during the celebrations. Yea right, like talking to your relatives who just insult is any more educational/productive.

Solution: Rub it in! That's right. Who said anything about being the nice one? Sometimes what family members need is some tough love. It's time to take out all those achievements you didn't "declare" at those many reunions years ago. Your son has straight A1s for O Levels, Higher Chinese and a cute girlfriend? Well, you don't need straight As at the O Levels when you've gotten a scholarship to study in Oxford at the age of 16 and you get to date an Asian-American girl who is stacked and kinky. Nothing shuts family up like saying all that with a sincerely-straight smile and a "See you next year, hope your son has luck in the next year - he's gonna need it to beat me".

So it's time to get ready your action plan. Your dialouge must be rehearsed since this might probably be your first time "breaking out of your shell". Don't worry, you'll find it easier if you use Microsoft Word on your PC. Use it on a PC, not a Mac. The difference is immense.

Good luck, God Speed and No Mac.

And yes, (stop pinching my cheek you old dirty ....)

Hang(over)ing Low With The Highest People

2009-01-20T04:36:00.000-08:00

A long delayed post. One of every single beer as a present was ingenious and something which really touched me (and I don't mean in making me high). No, that is not the reason for the delayed post.

Just a lot of school work. Damn you Keynes.

I owe thanks to friends who could have never made this birthday a better one that it already was. Your presents were great, each of them telling their own story and each showing this great sense of warmth and love. But the presents were even better because it came from the best of people with intentions unmatched.

From making my voice gay with mouthspray, from the 27-man tower of tau-pok, the extremely kick-ass exco present, the night cycling, the many many cocktails, stoned playing of Left 4 Dead, BBQs with sambal sotong, Indian Poker with harsh penalties (including outdoor parading) and the list goes on longer than the years I've been alive.

And that includes my sexy new wardrobe addition. Not that I'm going to wear it.
It's just sheer relief to know that this was what I got. Not that I'm a perv (actually I'm just about 10% pervy) but hear me out before judgment. At first, Julian said it wasn't going to be underwear - I was kinda relieved. Then Wei Ren slipped something about thongs - I got shocked. Then Julian tried to cover up saying that it was worse than thongs - I was afraid.

I thought it was those you could buy from the kink shops. The chocolate-flavoured edible kind. You know I would have just eaten my present instead of soaking the moment. Or smelling it.

And another round of drinks to the three who cycled all the way to Geylang just to grab me this wonderful bottle of Red Label. Alcohol - making seemingly boring nights entertaining for over 100s of years. In this case, however, it made a seemingly awesome night ten times more awesome-r than it already was.

And irony it must have been to know that at 5am in the morning, just to buy more Coca-Cola which we wouldn't drink till the next day, we couldn't walk anymore from the chalet to 7-11. Johnnie Walker could keep walking only because of his stupid cane. Look, I just turned 18. How experienced at drinking do you want me to be?

Does seasoned parking me anything to anyone these days?

And off course, who could forget this present? A memory board made from two friends who really never fail to remind me that life is fun and that there is always something to smile about. Okay, so it's a big-ass present so I can't frame it yet. When that stupid Keynesian Test is over, I'll go down to IKEA to get me a large frame. This goes up on the wall with all the other great presents I've gotten this year. Jon & Jasper, that board spoke louder than any Obama speech I've heard.

So yup, there you go. I've said it. All these presents this year go up on my wall. I've decided that once I move back to my new room, one of it's partitioning walls will be used as my memory board. Off course, I don't think it's possible to frame Johnnie Walker. The montages, the underwear, they all share a common space.

18 is just an age. A birthday is just another day filled with tribulations of life. Butwhat friends make of an ordinary day, be it an 18th birthday or not, can be summarised in one word:

Phenomenal.

And yes, Julian - you're next.

U(K) Pay Me Now!

2009-01-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

Yes, you pay me now!

London did have it's Asian side to it. In fact, I think all countries have their own Asian side. No matter which part of the world you go, you're bound to find an Asian community. Frankly speaking, I have no idea why they are all called "Chinatown".

But at least it gives the Asians a place where they can't be discriminated. It's the only place in London that I felt truly non-tourist. But that only lasted until I spoke to some of the restaurant waiters whose first words to me were "Good evening, Sir. How many people are in your party?" in a fine, fine English accent. Damn it.

So for today's episode, I'm going to show everyone what Asian Pride truly means. Let's open London's doors and let bad-ass Confucius take over.

This is 'Wok in a Box'. They sell our version of 'assorted meats and vegetables with rice in a Styrofoam package'. Everything inside is 'Sze Chuan'. I'm curious as to why everything in the menu is 'Sze Chuan'. The vegetables, the chicken, the tofu. But then again, none of them have any hints of chili, sourness, or bold flavouring.

Where have I seen that logo before? Look particularly familiar.Oh, hello Ajisen Ramen logo girl! I saw you in London wearing a green top instead!

Do not doubt Asian creativity for a single second. Just because we borrow images from here or there, doesn't mean we have no new ideas. Okay, so we didn't really invent the iPod ourselves but one day we'll beat the West.

And maybe it's just me, but I don't know what's the difference between Oriental and Asian. Aren't they the same thing?And if you ever wondered what happened to communism, here's the answer: it's not dead yet. Chance upon thinking that I found a public rally, only to find out that my government would not really approve of me attending it.

I'm sure everyone wants to know the dark secrets of London Streets. Somethings are meant to be heard but not seen but some good photographers hear it, find it and shoot it. Prostitution, the age-old profession, lives on for these streets.

And yes, I swear I didn't lose anything.

Royal Flush 2008

2009-01-02T12:32:00.000-08:00

Life's like a game right, so it's gotta be something like Las Vegas.

We get to choose what we play, what we wanna do and how we gonna play it. By the rules or not, it doesn't matter. But everyone plays to win. Everyone. If there's a chance to win, there's a chance we're in. Off course, there are those who play small or play conservatively in life but they never get to say "Winner, winner, chicken dinner".

So if 2008 was one of those dealers I was playing against in a Casino, I would say 2008 swept my chips good this year. Sure, there's a lot of luck involved but there's also playing it smart. I'm not sure how I played but I know the dealer had some skills.

Fate's cards are disgusting.

Simple solution for any classy man in Vegas: hire a hit-man. Just so happens, I know God. So I've asked for his help to kill dealer 2008 and now the omniscient one has replaced him with dealer 2009. Let's hope this one knows not to mess with me.

It gets boring though, just going on and on about what I'm determined to do during 2009. Instead, how about I give a list of things that I'm definitely not getting for 2009 so I can get 2010 to take me more seriously. If there's anything education has taught me, Social Studies Secondary Textbook says that I've got to be forward looking.

So, the list of "Things Elliot will not do during 2009. For sure. Chop, Stamped and Sealed with a Kiss""

Kiss a really hot girl
Kiss an average girl
Kiss an ugly girl
Having fun in school
Having fun at home from July till November
Having fun with Microsoft Word
Abstain from Coffee
Ask a really really really really really pretty girl out
Ask a really really really really average girl out
Ask a girl out
Play with my Hello Kitty Doll Collection (Limited Edition Meow-Friends-Forever Set)

Okay, maybe I'll just take back point 11. Who can resist playing with the limited edition set?

If you take that last point seriously, you either don't know me well enough or you might think Elliot is a girl's name. I swear, everyone is turning sexist these days. Why can't girls just make me my sandwhich instead of reading my blog or using up precious bandwidth.

And as for the new year's resolution which I know everyone's dying to know:

Grow taller.

Almost impossible for me to control that. It becomes a useless resolution since I have little power of the outcome. Good thing we know where dealer 2009's family lives. He swore he'd deal me better cards.

And yes, luck is on my side.

London Streets

2008-12-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

Clean as they be, here's how the dirtiest trip of my life broke down. We start here.

I begin in a little place called Paddington, in the city of Westminster. Yes, this is part of London. Upon arrival, we immediately noticed that cold means 3˚C. If I'm not mistaken, water starts to freeze at 4˚C. You just didn't want to have a runny nose that day.

Day 1 was fair enough. After a long rest in the hotel room, it was time for the camera to pop out and see the fair city of London. Home to some of the best plays should at the West-End, the Queen, the Barclay's Premier League and so much more. Here's the first thing I had to see at the beginning of my beautiful holiday.

It's okay, it's only another exam I have to take next year. Don't say a brave strong man such as myself is afraid of a few pieces of paper with some black ink? Isn't a knife way scarier? That's exactly why I should do well for the exams if not daddy is taking it out to cut some necks.

Left a little intimidated , we continued onwards till we reached the bus service to travel towards the "town" areas such as Oxford Circus. There, my earlier preconceptions of McDonald's as a simple kiddy place was shattered. Macdonald's actually looks decent. A little lack of colour actually does good for companies.

Surprisingly, I did not spend a single pence there. Just had better things to do with my pounds and pence such as watching world-acclaimed performances of plays such as Wicked! I've read the story before and I could only imagine how they would transform it into a play. Well, imagination was not enough to prepare.

No, that does not mean I lack creativity.

Plays are a huge thing in the UK. They totally eat it all up. Plays, musicals, opera, ballet. It's more popular than Angelina Jolie's movies. Changeling? Please. The Brits buy a Toffee Nut Frappuccino at £3 at Starkbucks for a venti. They take that coffee to the theatre where they buy front row seats for £25 as long as they queue up for the tickets at the box office at 10am.

I'm one of those lucky Asians who get to live that experience.

Without it being said, front row seats for Wicked were unbelievable. The Orchestra right under your feet. The really hot lead female actress just mere meters away from your seat and not forgetting all the really hot English girls in the theater.

Yes, English girls are a kind of their own. The entire package, including that English slang accent. Wow-zers.

But off course my priority is the cultural education. But then again, cultural education for me has a meaning of it's own, not just learning about English history, blah blah blah.

So that's how the first days in Britain ends. But you must be thinking, "Elliot you con man! Where were all the juicy parts?" Off course they are not here! Because they are so juicy, they must be kept best for last. So you can start planning your Britain travel plans first before I unveil the next post.

God save the queen of England and the prince of Singapore.

And yes, it could only be me.

Apologies to King Leonidas

2008-12-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

Yea, we're really sorry man.

Are we really sorry? Well, Yu Zhe has a signature answer to give you, added with one nice tight drunken slap: No.

Because we totally pawned your team of 300 Spartans in just 3 days and 2 nights.

It was an epic battle. I swear on Barcadi and Absolut bottles that Downtown East was just not ready for us. We came, we saw, we pawned our pre-conceptions of chalets to a new level that I only thought imagination could bring us. MC Hammer has this to say to you, Leonidas, on our behalf: Can't Touch This.

We weren't stupid. We were well armed. Bottles to the brim, magazines, movies, loads of dispensable money, the ultimate XBox 360 experience (inclusive of the energy of Guitar Hero: World Tour) and off course an ultimate Crew which has been well-trained in the arts of fun, entertainment and unity.

Not even drunken neighbours could stop us. Try to infiltrate our base camp? We just rocked our rooms and didn't give a rat's ass. You guys and your 24+ cans of beer did not scare us. We have people coming in from Canada. Did you really think your local drunk-states would intimidate us? Think again.

Then again, it's quite impossible to think under that much influence of beer.

Wild Wild Wet could not even withstand the heat that we brought there. We were so fast that your ride cameras could not even take a picture of us. Breaking the speed of light in that photographic experience. Although there were some casualties from that battle, mainly me, the fight did not end and neither did it dampen our spirits.

No monsoon could stop this crazy train of a chalet.

So here's a big 'Cheers' to everyone who attended the chalet. To those who came, let's just say that the chalet would not have been the same without you guys. Everyone brings their unique presence to theCrew, no matter where the hell we are owning at. A lack of one presence affects the how the entire things comes out. With that being said, to those who couldn't make it, I think we really wish you could have been there. The chalet was incomplete from the moment we knew you couldn't make it. But here comes the good news:

This chalet is just our first year anniversary. Let's see what Year II brings for us at the next chalet.

Oh, and if you haven't collected your new t-shirt, maybe you might wanna remind me to pass it to you the next time I see you.

So what a kick-ass way to end of 2008 and open our doors to more videos, more good times and more ways to make life a little brighter for 2009.

Absolut-ly fantastic guys, this chalet is deemed a success on my pages thanks to each one of you.

And yes, it was a lie when they said it was the real desperate housewives (they weren't real, desperate or housewives).

Christmas Crackers & Christmas Cheer

2008-12-24T12:09:00.001-08:00

Right, more like Christmas Crack & Christmas Beer.

Christmas is settling in just nice here. What could be better than having our own Kevin Gunawan back in Singapore to nicely usher in the 25th of December. He wasn't wrapped in a box with a gay pink ribbon on top, but that was good. A package coming in from Indonesia? Hmm might be sent to Bomb Squad for investigation.

So this year, for Christmas on the blog, I'm going to tell everyone a Christmas story. It's okay for everyone to read, nothing filthy here. Share it with your friends and family just because Christmas is all about sharing love and joy - and I think that's the moral of this story. Here it goes:

Candy Cane by Elliot Tan

"Ho Ho and more Ho for everyone!" moaned Santa Clause as he sat in his stiff, wooden chair amidst the crowds of people in the shopping centre. Everyone had smiles on the faces. Pleasure filled the room's atmosphere.

The air-conditioning was off on this Christmas day. Therefore, everyone was hot and sweaty. But that was okay. It was Christmas after all - a time of intense passion of Christmas love. Heat should not have softened their spirits.

As the kids lined up to see Santa Clause, they all thought about what they wanted. Little Mona went, "I'm going to ask Santa for a slim silver spaceship with a turbulence switch!" as she wanted to be an Astronaut when she grew up. "I'm going to ask for a Flashlight!" cried Little Dickson. Thousands of other little children also pondered on their requests, all finding the perfect little gift for themselves.

It was finally Little Peewee's turn to sit on Santa's lap and see if Santa could give him more.

"Are you the Santa Clause?" asked curious Little Peewee.

"Why, yes I am boy."

"I want to have a..." said Peewee who was stopped by Santa.

"Say my name once more" smiled Santa.

"Daddy Santa Clause!" cried the innocent Peewee.

Peewee was excited about his meeting with Santa Clause. The big man in the red suit made him feel special and all tingly inside. His attention stood on end to every word Santa said. Nothing could make Peewee feel more alive than meeting Santa at that moment.

"So what would you like? Tell good old Santa."

"I would like a big Candy Cane!" Peewee went with a squeal in his voice.

"A big Candy Cane? Well, you've been very naughty this year. Santa is not sure if he can give you want you want. Turn around, bend down, and close your eyes." said Santa.

Little Peewee was sad but he did as Santa instructed.

Santa smiled. Opened his bag. Took out his big candy cane and smiled once again. However, he took the candy cane and placed it in Peewee's little back pocket where it fitted just nicely. Peewee could feel it.

"Open your eyes and touch your bottom."

It was there! All the way in his pocket! The biggest Candy Cane he had ever had! How exciting! He jumped for joy, cried tears of joy and gave Santa a big hug by jumping onto Santa.

"Oh thank you Santa! You have made my wish come true!"

"Oh but it's not over yet Peewee. Look!"

At that moment the candy cane grew bigger! Bigger! Bigger! It grew to about the size of a 17 year old teenager of non-obese weight!

"It's just what I wanted Santa! Thank you Santa!"

"I know what your intentions were, Peewee. In your heart, I knew that you wanted it. It shouted 'Give me more, give me more...so I can share with all the boys and girls who are in the queue waiting long and hard to meet you in this hot weather. A piece of candy would make their lives so much better. I sensed your good intentions Peewee, you were never on my naughty list."

Everyone saw what Peewee intended to do and cried. All the boys and girls were touched by Peewee that day - his actions spoke louder than his words. Christmas was satisfied and fulfilled by a small boy name Peewee who taught everyone the joys of sharing and caring for one another during Christmas.

The End.

Merry Christmas everyone! Have a magical, lovely, candy-caned filled Christmas with all the best wishes till the X'mas 09'! I'm not on drugs, booze or anything that could alter my perception during the course of this writing.

And yes, it makes me a little more disturbing.

UK Is OK

2008-12-23T02:55:00.000-08:00

I lied. It was Hot N' Cold.

You think I'd give up on this blog so easily? You think too lowly of me. But I'm okay with that. I truly understood that when I stood in the land of those who once colonized us. If the United Kingdom was like the land of Oz, I would be the munchkin - small and insignificant.

And although I learn Southeast Asian history now, I wish the Brits didn't let go of us. I'm not just talking about the English women there. Some of our really hot asian ancestors who went back with the British need not worry about their granddaughters and further predecessors - they are selling like hot cakes in Britain. Well taken care of by those who once slave drove our ancestors.

They were right when they said the British took everything from us and left us with only second best. (But even in Britain, the average female Asian was taller than me. Okay, I admit - none of them were shorter than me).

But who can complain when you are getting great photos such as these:

So over the next few posts (with many inserts of other random stuff in between), I'll be going through some of the fun moments and things I've found in the land where Chippy's originate from. Yes, Chippy's the Fish & Chips stall. I did not see a single damn one there.

And off course the not-so-fun and disturbing moments. Warning: I'll be covering topics such as homosexuality (which 'Thank God' I did not participate in), prostitution (which again can be linked back to homosexuality), angry British people (which does not have much to do with homosexuality but can if it wants to) and my personal favourite, the police.

I really try to have pictures to tell my story this time. The UK really was a bloody good opportunity for me, my camera and no time to photoshop at all. That's right! None of my photos have been touched by any of the Adobe Series products. I did tweak the camera though.

But first, we have to think about Christmas. Being Christmas Eve tomorrow, off course you can all look forward to a Christmas Special here. I'm not a slave to this blog (like we were to the Brits), so I'm not gonna rush anyone.

And yes, for the Queen Mother.

Funeral For A Feeling

2008-12-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

Let's try to solve this together.

If anyone has a disappointing story to tell right now, it's going to be right here. Don't bother visiting KPG's blog to hear a whining story or a "tragic" story of breaking a nail. You want Shakespeare-tragic stories, you stick to this blog.

It's nearing Christmas and I wanted to start on my Christmas Cut-List ^[1] so I did and I made it clear to myself that I must do what the heart tells me to. You can't tell the heart how to feel - it has a life of its own. And no matter what my father says about love, I know I can make it into a beautiful reality.

I planned it all out. Rehearsed the lines, practicing eye-contact with a mirror, popping the breath mints and setting the date. It had to be special. You don't ask a pretty girl out in a kopitiam. You ask the really special ones at a moment of pure bliss. Call me cliché but flowers were a must and I would say chivalry got a resurrection when I picked her at her doorstep.

Working the holiday jobs would have all paid off just to make this entire chase a success. This girl was very special to me. And all this time, all I knew was how to hide behind school pillars and take photos of her. It wasn't cowardice, it was just a fear of rejection.

But who knew fear could turn into reality.

So there I was. Tired, yes, but I wasn't going to give up or let my guard down. I rang the doorbell to her house. It was suppose to be a surprise. Off course, I made sure she was at home. I had asked for her parent's blessings before even daring to ask her out. And might I say, her parents adore me. I guess charm wins looks after all.

She came out in her casual home clothes, hair tied up into a nice ponytail. She was definitely surprised to see me with one hand holding onto a bunch of fresh red-roses and a black rose in the middle of that bundle just the way she likes it.

She asked me what I was doing there. All I could say was:

"Falling in love"

I could tell she was blushing. Her knees started to bend in, turning soft. And that was when I asked if she would go out with me. My heart raced, my mind started to regret yet anticipate. Then came her reply.

"I can't do this. There's no chance of us being together, Elliot. With the economic recession and all, I don't think this is going to work out. Russia attacking Georgia. The China melamine crisis. The only time when I thought it was going to be possible was when Obama won the presidency. But the latest news about Travis Barker in that plane crash. Especially the economic crisis. I don't think this is going to happen. It's too much for my mind to bare at the moment."

I left for home, head hung low (and so were other things). Why? This was unexpected. I could only blame the world and global warming. Or maybe it was just all me.

So we learn to be careful with our money and our Earth today. Who knows who else you'll be affecting.

And the moral of the story is that Elliot is really good at Track Number 6 of Funeral For A Friend's album "Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation".

And yes, it doesn't pay to be in love.


^[1]Refer to previous post named "Christmas Cut-List. A Cut-List is a list
prepared to make wrong things feel right and to build
self-confidence (sometimes commonly known as self-delusion)

Christmas Cut-List

2008-12-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Before Christmas comes, we all want to make good what's bad.

We should all make our own Cut-Lists. It really makes me just a little bit more happy each year. Or on some years, it tries its best. But either way, there's a Christmas spirit in making a Cut-List. Santa Clause watches the naughty and nice. I bet he also watches the naughty who try their best to move to the nice list.

They don't teach this in Primary school (mainly because not everyone celebrates Christmas this seriously). Today's lesson involves the construction of a meaningful and effective Cut-List. You may open Microsoft Word or Notepad applications now to jot down notes. Here we go.

Firstly, what is the definition of a Cut-List? Simply put it, a Cut-List involves finding answers and cutting down reasons to bring an important event spirit down. It can apply to almost anything. A birthday, an anniversary, a new Fall Out Boy CD release, a mega-freakin'-awesome group of friends. Whatever it is, a Cut-List is recommended.

So what do we want to put on our Cut-List? What we want to write down at the top is our name, event title and handphone number in case you misplace the list. Next we'll be looking for reasons that we feel has crushed the spirit of things. If your paper is an A4 portrait paper, partition the paper into two sections (therefore, two columns). Now, use the left side to write down reasons that we may feel insecure about the event. The right side is left, illogical pun not intended, to write down the answer we found or solution we realised.

So here's an exemplar:

Name:Elliot Lucas Marcell
Event: Christmas
Handphone number: 91174786

1. I keep on losing things: items, trust and all.

2. I'm not focusing enough for things which I've claimed responsibility for.

3. I fear of being the same letdown I usually am for this Christmas Season.

4. Christmas still holds some ambivalent feelings for me.

5. Economic downturn, price of gifts go up.

6. My friends really deserve something good this year.

7. Lack of photoshop means lousy greeting cards this year.

Therefore, we see one side of the list. The right side of the list are actually for answers or solutions. For example, let's take Cut-List item No.5. If I feel that economic downturn will hinder m Christmas Spirit, I'll need to find answers and tell myself that things will be okay.

Therefore, the solution at the side would be, for example, to come up with more meaningful presents with a heart-felt touch where it can happen such as in Christmas Cards or certain presents. See! Not too hard.

I'll make one, scan it and edit this post as an exemplar. But don't copy it, it's mine. My ideas are not like Dolly the damn sheep. I eat Dolly and her kind for Christmas. Lamb chops, roasted lamb, Lam A-La-King. Yes! I play with my lamb.

But remember, the Cut-List is to make us feel better and know ourselves better. May the list guide you in the right direction. No, the toilet is the other way Dad. If you're drunk and wanna puke, it's the other direction Dad.

Okay, I'm gonna grab the mob.

We'll place on the Cut-List "Fear of Drunken Father". My solution is to smuggle all the egg-nogg and alcohol Dad buys, sell them to rich folk, take the money, donate it to the salvation army santas who shake their bells. Oh yea, Santa's Elves. Shake those bells.

Salvation Army, your one-stop Christmas Gift Store.

Okay, cut. That's a wrap.

And yes, the weather outside is frightful.

It Isn't Sparta, But It Holds A Damn Good Team

2008-11-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks Wen Chuen, Jon, Jas and the rest of theCrew for defending me. It means alot to me and this post is for you.

In less than 40 days to my most awaited and long-term project, theCrew 1st Year Anniversary Chalet, which Jon has also given a really nice name called theBest Damn Chalet, I have thrown everything into making sure it lives up to that name.

Santa might be bringing the presents, but the chalet brings in the season. Who needs presents when you have friends? Only Bush, because his "friends" will be long gone once he gets out of the big white house. Time to change the colour of that house Mr.Bush.

So far, a whole official year has passed by. These bonds trace back way beyond a single year but everything fell into place for us from last year all the way till today. And off course, many many more to come.

Why spoil everything now? Let the goodies come on Boxing Day itself when the best damn event starts. Add it on Facebook now.

And if any admin personnel from MySpace are looking at this post now, I plead that you increase the number of Top friends you can have. 8 is not enough. You don't contain theCrew. You make way because you can and will.

It's great to see everyone having their own lives lived out and having the time of your lives doing what makes you happy. I couldn't be happier for everyone. We go out there, pursue our own hopes and dreams and enjoy every damn moment as much as we can. Except during lectures.

That's why all the more I wanna see you guys at the chalet because we just don't get enough time to share the experiences. I always count myself lucky that, at the end of the day, I know that my friends are there for me just as I am there for them. Having fun times are great, but listening and telling our different stories from each other is a similar notch of a unique experience. Moreover, creating new moments together is the next level.

It's never too early to pack your bags for the chalet.

Okay , maybe Christmas Eve would be a better day to being packing.

And yes, it's only theBest damn chalet because it has theBest damn people.

The Most Excitement Ever

2008-11-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

The academic school year is over!!

Well, not that exciting.

It's only my pessimism talking when I say that I can't believe the end of the school year marks the next leg of the A Level journey. If a JC is a colourful journey, there better be that leprechuan pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. If you still think the Irish and leprechauns are pushovers then you obviously have not read your secondary school social studies well.

The IRA is always watching you.

Off course I'm looking forward towards Prom 08' and OGL Camp. And not to forget the trip to Old Trafford. To top everything off, there's Christmas and the ultimate chalet of a lifetime.

Excitement. I'm going to make that the topic of my next post. I'll be introducing a new section to this blog and I know I haven't been updating the old sections as well. It's the holidays so stop whining - it'll be up soon.

As a spoiler, I'll be using the blog to practice photo-essay writing/shooting. It's a pilot test to see whether the MJC Photography club can utilise this medium to conduct CIP. Yes! Finally! I've placed the name of the MJC Photography Club on my blog. What an opportune moment.

Okay, still not that exciting.

How about a great song with a naughty video?

I'll try better next post.

And yes, glory glory.

I Love H2 Mathematics More Than H1 Mathematics because H2 Mathematics Is Way More Interesting Than H1 Mathematics as the syllabus is way different.

2008-11-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

This is a post about regret.

If you enjoy reading about other people's dreadful moments in life, you may continue on. I have no idea why people engage in voyeurism, sadistic voyeurism. First it was movies such as Battle Royale, the Saw series. Then it evolved into blogging.

With such a long title, you know that I'm not feeling too good today. Going to school on the day with only H2 Mathematic and H2/H1 Chemistry lectures being held was a great punishment. Being the 1/16 people who take H1 Math as their only Science subject, I took a tripod to beat myself in the stomach in the face of my stupidity.

But I crashed H2 Math anyway.

I got my set of free Maclaurian Series notes and H2 Math revision questions. I sat with my good friends Tak Shun, Chia Siang and Christian Chin. whipped out my pen, "stole" Chia Siang's ruler and stayed awake during the lecture.

f(x)=f(0)+f'(0)x+[f''(0)/2!](x^2)+[f'''(0)/3!](x^3)+...

This, my friends, is also known as the Maclaurian Series which is also power series. The Binomial theorem expansion is another example of a power series.

Off course, I didn't write this post for the love of mathematics.

There's a really powerful series out there which is less complicated. The series not of numbers but of some wonderful, wonderful players. Talented ones. Although they'll never walk alone, they are no lily-livered players. They say victory comes from harmony, and yes, they do kick arse. They gain pride in battle in the City of Man. But they never die.

The red devils never die.

They don't need a motto because they're too damn good.

You want a power series? I give you Park Ji-Sung. Because you don't need math when you're earning more than 6 digits a year and that's all that damn bloody matters.

So glory glory Man United. Do not let anyone, anyhull, stand in your way.

And yes, Man U is differentiated from the rest.

Insides & Refraction

2008-11-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

The journey is over.

In Hawaii, they call it a lou ou. In Canada, they call it a barbecue. In Singapore, it's mostly just offerings. Girl scouts call it a bonfire. But for the millions of hobos across the world, that can of fire is the gift to live another day.

I say we help them keep that fire alive by burning all the wasted drafts of project work. The ink from the photography room is highly flammable. There's also a zippo function on the iPod touch, but I don't think that really helps.

I'm just glad that the journey has come to an end. But the consequences and scarring from this project work have been terrible.

The next time I watch Sesame Street, if the show is brought to you by the letters 'P' or 'W', Daddy is just going have to buy a new TV to replace the broken one. Please don't scar the children of tomorrow, we can still save the rest.

Obama, the children of Singapore cry out to you to do something about PW. I quote you "Because of what we did on this day, this election, at this defining moment, change has come...". Sure, the two words after that quote were important too but let's not get carried away. Change must come...to Singapore!

But I have faith in you President Obama. You are the change.

I hear a High School Musical 3 song coming along. Hmmm.

And yes, it's now or never.

Change My Life!

2008-11-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

This is a big deal, it is a big deal. To me.

Right. Do not condemn me. I don't usually write such posts. But there's always time for a first. And I must say that this story is one of those which when I look back at in a few months or so, I'll be going "Damn it Ell, you scarred your blog with a lousy one." Or maybe I won't.

The following takes place between 8pm and 9pm.

It was a Sunday. One fueled by approximately 3 hours of sleep. Ell welcomed Chen and his PW group into his humble abode. Filming, research, no breakfast. Everything seemed like a normal Sunday.

Then suddenly, the thought of Local Area Networking hit the group. It seemed like the Bad Idea Bears had arrived. And as peer pressure goes, we all went anyway. Before we knew it, 3 hours had passed us by and it was time to say goodbye to some friends.

Then it was only left with Chen and I.
We decided to dance awhile.
So off to the arcade we did go.
Hoping to put on a good show.
And a good show did we two bring,
While spectators watched us do our thing.

But stroke of miraculous luck I had,
For a stranger approached me and I was glad.
For this stranger was of the female type,
And she smiled to me as she saw me in plain sight.
I did not make the first move to her in any sort of way
But she came and talked to me with the simple words of "Hey!".

She said I played rather well and how she was quite shy.
Although she had played before, it had been 2 years since that night.
She was very friendly and quite cute I can't deny.
But soon I learned that she was just a few years older than I.
But not that it mattered much, the experience was enough.
We talked for quite a bit but what I mostly did was laugh.

I had no idea what to say but it turned good I think.
We talked about school and just our lives and anything that linked.
But soon she had to leave but at least she said goodbye.
I didn't know what else to do so I waved and gave a smile.

But you see the point of this poem is not about the chick.
It's about how Elliot was a stoned as a brick.
Never had a girl ever approach me first.
It was a once in a lifetime experience, but now reality bursts.
I guess good things can happen on days that you feel is like the worst.

So the moral of this little story is that everyday can be fun.
Whether or not you had 3 hours of sleep,
A good thing can be done.
Now everything that's going to happen I hope it will be good,
but in case God says 'No' to that stuff,
May it never change my mood.

Thanks Chen & Co. for a wonderful Sunday. It took me 3 days to write this post because I wanted to make sure there was enough reflection done to ensure that what I write here conveys the right message.

So c'mon everybody. Pick up a jotter book and start reflecting! Or you could just go watch Avenue Q.

And yes, 24.

Connecting To Server

2008-10-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

My face is not red. It is not red.

With all the painting and helping out for the annual Halloween Party held by Mother's office, my hands, face, jeans have been stained badly. I think with my new found painting skill, I'll be able to make a similar cake to that we got for my good friend Chen on his birthday.

If life were an online RPG, I would get +1 to Art and Creativity skill and a +2 to Dexterity. Not to mention by new sexy artist vibe, that would mean Charm stat +5. All I'm missing is the imba chest piece item: Artist Apron + 5 more to Charm, +5 to Negative Criticism Defense and + 20 to Hit Points.

Have I also not mentioned about my main hand weapon, the Stella Brush? Rare boss drop from my Secondary School. (Legend has it that the brush from the hair is from the legendary Golden Retrievers found within the compound near the elusive G.O Castle).

Sadly, the only stat which is going up now is stress. Project work adds 10 full points to stress. Chinese A Levels add another 5 points. But always thank the shops for selling potions, also commonly known in real life as Breezers. Recover HP from damage per second dealt by stress.

At least now I'll be looking forward to the whole bunch of activities listed for me post-I&R submission. OGL Camp, Prom Night, Manchester Trip, theOne Year Crew Chalet, and off course the return of the Gunawan. Then comes Christmas, New Year, yea, stuff which just comes by every year but nevertheless drops some magic.

Will Christmas send me a D3? Or maybe just a new iPod.

Santa, I've been mega good this year. I would never hang a reindeer head on your doorstep. I think. So, that's right, the Classic iPod would be much love or iPod Touch. Yes, that's 32 GB not 16.

No matter what the case, I'm just glad that I'll be able to spend time with thePeople for a real meaningful season. Stats are important. But when your raid party is filled with pros with unique sets of abilities, you know it's a sure win no matter what.

What's more, we get aura boosts and guess what? Raid bonus with us gives +1 billion points to the Morale stat. Hmm, that gives each of us a critical strike of *whips out GC to calculate*

∞

I guess we win.

And yes, you have now been disconnected.

Two For The Road

2008-10-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

The first train to Changi Airport from Simei MRT starts at 5:32 am on weekdays. It's just some important random information. Please take out some foolscap paper to jot down notes. Or you could buy a guide or map.

One thing I know I am not good at is map-reading. No matter what my St. John CPBS Badge says, I am clueless about map-reading. Unless it's a pre-school map drawing, I probably won't be able to understand it. Does this mean I'm a clueless guy?

I don't really care about myself being clueless. What I do care though is that StreetDirectory.com got sued. This is madness. You're suing one of the healthiest sites in the world. They are like part of the Civil Defense Force to me - constantly saving my life from social suicide. Imagine going to a party but you have no directions to get to the address. Fashionably late will not be a good excuse.

But off course, a pre-mature arrival wouldn't be nice too. No one likes pre-mature stuff. No one.

If I were King of the world, I would place a little GPS chip on everyone. The GPS tracking map will not require me to read bearings and stuff. All I have to do is see my red dot and the red dot of the person I wanna meet. As long as my dot moves closer to my counterpart's dot, I'm doing the right thing. Why make things so complicated that I have to take out my Mathematic Instrument set to calculate the angle I must walk in order to meet my friend?

Or maybe I'm just feeling angst because I got lost today.

Lesson learnt. Never throw a Chinese man in Farer Park to look for an insignificant location. Farer Park is full of Indians and hardly speak Chinese or English. In my frantic search, 7 Indians pointed me in 9 different directions. One guy couldn't make up his mind and pointed in 3 totally different directions. And he wasn't even pointing to shops - it was skyward.

True story. It's not like I was asking him to look for constellations and I don't look like any of the 3 wise men.

I'm not very good with charades and my stubbornness did not help me in trying to further communicate with the people in Farer Park beyond the languages I knew. That's what you get when you're wired on coffee and weird visions.

Only when the coffee wears out, then you remember that the Shangri La hotel is not in Farer Park but near Park Mall. Farer Park, Park Mall. I blame M1 for my poor reception. Don't worry SingTel, it's never your fault.

And yes, it's a small world after all.

(S)low Down (Logan)

2008-10-21T04:06:00.000-07:00

In ParaPara, an 'S' is a great thing. In A Level Economics, an 'S' is just a nice way of saying that you've failed.

But how did I even get to that point? I understand economics, I understand businesses. If there's anyone out there who knows something about the business world, it should be me. C'mon, I've been watching business advertisements on TV for most of my life.

Something tried to stop me from not writing this post about businesses and companies but little Elliot (referring to my conscience, not any other ambiguous object) told me to just do it and now that I'm doing it, I must say I'm lovin' it.

During the hard times we're facing now, with economic recession and all, I guess businesses will suffer. When I say "hard times" I'm specifically just saying it to countries which are non-Asian. Because it looks fine on our warm side of the globe. Being Asian, it's a great way to fly.

There was this whole thing about Western supremacy and what-not a few years back and I honestly felt us Asians were "weak". But you can now stand up proud and loud Asians, because You're Worth It. So all you happy Western people who were laughing at us Chinese a few years back, you can take your happy Western money where you mouth is and watch it melt. It's melting in your mouths and not in your hands anymore.

I'm not trying to make any wars with anyone here. In fact, I want to be there connecting people. But it's still a good thing that most Macs are secure from external hacks, wouldn't want anything on this computer falling into the wrong hands. Thank goodness the computer is personal again.

Maybe if I create an economics atmosphere around my room, I might just get into a continual cycle of writing economics essays. They say once you pop, you can't stop. I'm sure that will brace the world for my economical genius in J2. Or maybe I just need to think different. All I know is that for my economics notes right now there's only one thing I shouldn't do: Don't leave home without it.

You know why I wrote this entire post, because I love you.

And when I say "you", I actually mean "me".

Don't get mad! Just have a break, will ya. Today's question will then be, how many of them did you manage to find?

And yes, I live to deliver.

Exploring & 300 Names For Excitement

2008-10-19T03:27:00.000-07:00

Spartans don't use pen and paper. They just blog.

We are also able to run home in 3.9 minutes. We love watching South Park for combat tips and we definitely love walking in parks at 4a.m. in the morning. We love swimming in Cable Ski ponds just because we want a soccer ball and we sure love sleeping for 15 minutes only to find out that we have the New Balance Real Run to attend to in less than an hour. 10 kilometers is nothing to a spartan even with 15 minutes of sleep.

I hope I haven't missed anything fun in Singapore throughout the weekend. For example, Project Work "Oral Presentation" preperation. What a catch, Donnie.

My Macintosh made the extremely god-like sound when I turned it on today. I haven't turned it on for the past two days and already absence makes the heart grow fonder. My Mac misses me, but somehow I don't miss her as much. But I know how the computer feels. It's the same way I feel when I think of Katong Shopping Centre's Bak Chor Mee store. It's not just the food.

If there's anything that can be taken away from the past few days of my life is that everyone needs to let down their hair sometimes. Any method will do. Just do it. Absolutely. To find yourself again, sometimes you have to break some rules and with people who understand you and trust you. I know I do and I think it's only natural for me to be grateful to these people.

All work and no play makes Jack a social outcast, no-life loner. He will be single for the rest of his life and probably be the world's first 13-cat-owning male alive. Do you want to be Jack?

Go out and have some fun! Don't take everything to heart. Sure, studies are important. Work is important. But how about a little breathing space once in awhile. You deserve it. A time to open yourself to new experiences and just get to know your good friend, "Life", better. I bet he/she misses you.

But at least we'll get a madness shared by two.

Dance, drink, party, sleep, be l33t, pwn n00bs, maple, audition, limbo or even read a book. Go now. We leave you with 10 seconds to close your internet browser and follow on with the planned activity.

And yes, Chen!

Flooding, Burning and Your Inbox

2008-10-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

For all accidents and emergencies, forget my handphone number.

Surprisingly, post-promo fever has made me blog less. That's just horrible. Or maybe I should be happy I'm having a life away from the computer. No, not really. It has become apparent to me that I am one of the most self-absorbed and extremely delusional bloggers out there. Well, except for that Chinese-falling-snow girl. She owns me in that.

My e-mail inbox has been flooding recently with scams and adverts. I don't remember signing up for lifetime insurance plans, organ enhancements, university degrees and sexy live web-chats. I think the internet should have a new slogan:

The Internet: Infesting the minds of children for over a decade.

The guy who invented the "Delete All Msgs" link is a pure genius. We don't give you credit enough for all the right reasons.

I wouldn't be caught dead opening up my e-mail inbox in front of my family and friends with e-mail subjects such as "Get Hot with me in 24 hours or less for only £2.oo" and "Inferiority can be solved! Make it big today". I didn't have the guts to open the second one. Couldn't tell if they were talking about my height, my social life or some other ambiguous subject matter.

And I often wonder who are the people who really open and subscribe to such e-mail. A techie would scold you for calling it an e-mail because it's actually called Spam. Yes, the same thing which my mother calls processed meat. And it's also known as "repetitive usage" in gaming terms. Figures, I love the English language.

I imagine the person behind the keyboard opening up these Spam mails not becoming of the stereotype geek/nerd you watched from the 1985 movie Weird Science. When I watched in 1995, being a part of that movie seemed to be my life objective. No, those people behind the keyboard are not nerds. I bet, 9 out of 10 of those people are just tight-suit cubicle-working clog-of-society men. That's right, the office suit-and-tie worker is the culprit! And I can prove it.

Why do you think they all work in little cubicles shielded away from each other? Privacy works both ways. To keep things in and to keep others out. I don't know about you, but I don't see any reason for a man who works in an air-conditioned room in the luxury of his own private area to be sweating once he walks out of the office.

It's all a lie if they tell you they ate a chili tuna sandwich for lunch.

To save everyone the trouble, remember to turn on safe search. Yes, I know I used the words "turn" and "on" together, but they really don't have to carry that connotation.

American TV, this is all your fault.

And yes, frankly my dear, I don't give a spam.

Some Awards

2008-09-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Calling names. Yup, real mature.

Round of applause to everyone in the room. Tonight I am here to present some trophies to those who have shown outstanding contributions to my life. You guys have been great in making me feel like a part of this world.

The world which is mostly just cynical about everything and doubt and supremacy work hand in hand in everyday decisions.

Oh come on. I'm just kidding. I'm not going to give out any awards. I'm just here for the fun of it all.

For most things in life, there's always a cycle. Things happen, things happen again, and something else happens. Very vague, I know. But that itself is something about life. To be more specific, human relations are just normal cycles.

When we need one, we take one. When we're bored, we change. When it's spoilt, we try to fix. When we don't have the tools to fix, we sell. When we get the money, we realise we need one, we take one more. Oh, wonderful, full circle.

(x-a)^2/r^2 + (y-b)^2/r^2= 1

Okay, so I've been called weird, not normal, strange, queer, stupid, ninkompoop and I'm sure the list goes on. Some special mentions would also be my favourite Batman villan "Two-face", "Penguin". Never been called "Joker" but would be nice though. Been called vulgarities a million times, if not even more.

But what is the point of all this? I just had a simple statement I wanted to make amongst all the happiness with the people who have ended promotional exams today.

Please don't kick me when I'm down.
My happy smile will turn into a frown.
And when I'm angry I'm not nice
But at least I get to eat fried rice.

Okay, I won't get angry per-say but I'm just darn bloody hungry now. I've got no money, no food and no house-keys to even walk out of the house to take walk in the park. Where are the parents when you need them?

Now, I know I sound like an angsty teenager now and I regret I have to blog under such circumstances. Usually, I try to make my posts serve a fruitful meaning. When I'm hungry, I guess this is fruitful meaning enough. To learn that the world becomes a nasty place when people are hungry.

So please, end world poverty and starvation.

And yes, humanitarians.

Believe, Attack, Receive

2008-09-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

No one says the blog is dead. No one.

I want to win the "Brave Blogger Award" for this year. Posting during the promotional exams. I think the only person/people who can beat be for this would have to be War Bloggers. But then again, I don't think there is wireless in a war-zone.

I'm proud to say that I'm not here today to blog about my exam status. That's right. You want to know how my economics, history, literature and GP papers went? No! You want to know what I haven't prepared for yet? No! You want to know when my promos end? It's the same day I'll follow up with 24 hours of sleep.

Sadly, the post-promo period doesn't change much for our lives. We'll still be back studying. I still won't be able to have my White Rabbit sweets. But that also means getting back to the "out-of-the-ordinary". I refuse to call it abnormal, because it isn't. Okay, maybe I am slightly abnormal. But I'm still a modern-day replica of Mr. Darcy. I'll be returning to the beauty of partying with the best company (and with an additional Kevin in December, it's time to pop out everything).

Confucius did say: The golden lily of the imperial sun shines the on the quiet sparrow in the moor of darkest hour.

What the hell! Only a drunken man would understand that!

I knew Confucius advocated such actions. Who says the Chinese don't know how to have fun? They've got concubines, Jackie Chan, the Oly/Paralympics, theCrew and Master Chef Yen (and yes! He can cook!).

I'm just saying that as a Chinese, I feel that I need to find my "roots" first before I can find out why should I do Chinese. All this time, the only reason I've bothered to study for my Chinese language papers is so that I during Chinese New Year I'm able to say really nice phrases and try to get more money. Don't call me cheap, I'm just being pragmatic.

I'm not sure where I learned that but it rings a bell in my head. Well, it's no time to get social in the net, I better get back to my studies.

Now is the best time for some wise words:

And yes, it's true.

Pill Me

2008-09-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

Not like it makes any difference anyway.

Elliot on medication or Elliot off medication still results in his lack of sense or consciousness. All I ask is that you queue up before you all trample over me. If the paracetamol isn't going to help, I might as well sell it to earn a good 8 bucks.

But no one ever gives me an MC from life, not even when my vision is this blurred.

If there's one thing I absolutely refrain from, it's from ranting about my day or basically my life on this blog. It's disgusting. Yes, I do enjoy complaining about things that happen around me, current affairs, funny stories. But never ever ever will you see an account of a crappy day on this canvas.

And it doesn't end today.

I ask today: Why take advantage of the sick people? Are they easier to take down? Do they have the mental stamina to enter an argument? You sick, sick psychopath. Bullying a poor innocent victim of illness.

As I stepped out of my house today to stand in what people who are not on cough syrup overdose call "reality", I could just taste the bitterness people had on ill people. They don't take pity. Most of them see a helpless spineless worm who requires mercy and they play with this idea. They take it as though the sick people owe the healthy ones a living. I'm sorry that I played with chickens and contracted H5N1. I'm sorry I stepped on a tattoo needle which pierced through my foot and contracted AIDS. I'm sorry that I licked a toad and contracted warts.

Sick people don't ask for pity. We ask for empathy. Everyone gets sick at some point in their life. Even Fabulous Phelps has his days and he eats 12000 calories. Eating disorder I tell you. Don't treat the sick person as though he's an idiot. Treat him with patience and understanding. If you sleep in class due to medication, is that really your fault?

And the rhetorics just keep coming.

Sick people tend to be agitated more easily. Who wouldn't with a splinting headache cracking through tthe head all day? A splint the size of V-shaped guitar. Don't add pressure to the trigger. I had the unfortunate experience of doing that once. Sick people do not equate to weak people. Willpower is a force to be reckoned with. Make a sick dude mad, you'll be needing to visit the 'Accident and Emergency Ward' too.

With every sickness there is a cure. In a world where the mind is frequently plagued, what is the real cure? Earth-grown pills or mass destruction are one simple yet expensive solution. I''ve got my own methods. An enriched life, no regrets.

Satisfaction is all I want.

These are the words of someone who has had too little sleep, too much cough medicine.

And yes, tranquilize me now or else I'll...zzz.

Up One Notch

2008-09-04T00:49:00.000-07:00

This 2GB iPod isn't going to be enough.

I have two major albums which are coming up soon. Many surprises but I'll sell my body if I have to to get cash. Sell my body to the labour force. The body, not the organ. Yes, I'm talking about getting a modest and honest job. But I do it for good reasons.

October 13th, Memory and Humanity. November 4th, Obama Day. No wait, let's do that again. November 4th, Foile ã Deux. That's more like it.

Because I love being legal and don't want to get sued because of what's on my blog, I shall claim that I do not torrent. Emphasis on 'claim'. Therefore, it leaves me to use the forbidden word. Purchase. Yes, using this thing called cash. Off course, I won't be a miser for Fall Out Boy and Funeral for a Friend. Been buying originals from them all the way. Except for Fall Out Boy's cover of Roxanne. What? That's a hard song to attain.

Besides, if you've heard the new material, I'm sure you'll be tempted to (insert 'P' word) the albums yourself if you could. Let's not speak money for now. Let's talk about respect. None for myself, but for these two bands, you might as be called my daddy.

Now let's talk about money.

Which I have none of.

I know! Grace the Occasion shall play more gigs! Yes, paid gigs! Or, we could cut our own album and sell it to Decaydance or Island Records or, best still, Fueledbyramen. And if I play my cards right, I'll be drinking with Ms. Hayley. Absolutely wonderful. No pun intended.

Now I'm going clear this exam. Some have cautioned me to fear it. I think it was called "Promotional Exams" or something. Look, I've played Dungenons&Dragons and World of Warcraft. I've slain dragons, headhunt warlocks, solved terribly difficult puzzles and obliterated entire goblin armies. What makes you think I'm afraid of 13 pieces of paper?

Too bad my 143 intellect score in D&D and 2121 intellect score in WoW can't help me for this one.

Video games ruined my life. Good thing I've got a GameShark. LOL at 3 lives.

That's right, my t-shirt owns yours.

And yes, forever a lake effect kid.

When In Doubt, Just Do It

2008-09-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

What's 10km when you're running for your life everyday?

Good run, everyone. Even though for the spectator the eyes were hurting because of the smothering colours of red, it was still an incredible event. The Great Spy Experiment was there to Grace the Occasion. I personally enjoyed the event, not just for the running event.

And off course there was Boys Like Girls.

But what was really the cause of excitement was that I managed to live out a day in the life of Jon "theSex" Lee. My incredible friend allowed me to tag along his media coverage of the event. All that basically means is that I get to follow him to all the "special" places. VIP treatment? Very much so.

If taking a picture with Boys Like Girls and getting their autograph isn't good enough, you have too high expectations. Jon managed to get it all. That is cause for celebration. Only two words can describe it: Verr Nice.

Being a "VIP-For-A-Day" was a superb feeling. People offering to get you drinks, clear your plate, take your Polaroid picture and the fancy tag you get to wear. Some might think this is no great deal, but I find the experience most eye-opening.

As an event, it was great. I'm no exercise fan, but I thought it was still nevertheless wonderful. Sadly, I didn't win the Nike Lunars which would have helped me ace my 2.4km run in school. If it's as good as they say it is, I expect myself to be Usain Bolt.

Why do people like to be VIPs? There's actually a very complex and deep psychologically rooted explanation for it all.

But Hell No! Why would I want to dwell into complex reasons for something like this? Would be bloody irritating. The reason is clear and simple: Being a VIP is just too damn awesome. Name me one person who wouldn't enjoy getting special treatment? Heck, even feminists who want equality of the sexes would be happy if one day women > men.

Being a VIP is fun, but if there's one lesson I can take out from yesterday it would be to never be a VIP alone. What's all the happiness in the world without a friend. Sing it Kurt Cobain!

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.

Dungeons, Drinking and Dragons.

And yes, it's time to take a holiday.

Jaded

2008-08-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

There is no room for error and incompetency.

Even our computers aren't able to be completely free of errors, I don't know what makes the world think a single human can be perfect. Sure, we can all strive to be somewhat perfect in terms of work or morals, nothing wrong with that. Everyone makes mistakes, even beauty pageant winners.

So what if we didn't win a gold medal? Sportsmanship is not about the prize, it's about the process right? Okay, so we're all happy for Phelps and Usain Bolt. Go to the Olympics, grab some medals. That is awesome. But really, shouldn't we be actually giving everyone a prize? Even if it is a little 'Thank You' card.

That wasn't too hard was it? Maybe you just need to add the Beijing Olympics logo at the end and have Jacques Rogge sign it. Now, everyone feels a little bit more appreciated. It is a loss with dignity.

We don't leave the commentators out. They are the side order of soup that compliments a very fine meal. Or in the case of Phelps, 12000 calories too much of a meal. Fine. When you win medals, you get bragging rights and I respect that.

But back to that point on commentators. The things they say can be hilarious. It wasn't just for the Olympics. Just watch any sport on ESPN. You're bound to laugh at the commentators sooner or later. I remember not too long ago when I was watching Cricket.

Commentator 1: It's a bright sunny Sunday. A great day for Cricket, isn't that right Roger?
Commentator 2: The Mrs. doesn't think so.
Commentator 1: Ouch. Rough weekend?
Commentator 2: Yup, not looking too good for the kids.
Commentator 1: *laugh* Looks like those divorce papers are coming in.
Commentator 2: *laugh* That's right Bill, so true. *laugh*

We could play spot the humor in those few lines, but it would just be a dead giveaway. But it's way better than saying a vulgarity at least. I do prefer watching funny commentaries than reality TV though.

Reality TV is too voyeuristic. Only Tom can watch that. I rather watch 'A Day at the Olympics' or read my copy of Breaking Dawn. Yes, I've finally got it. Thanks to those who've fueled me with information.

This isn't really going to win you a medal or a prize of any sort because it's really in your face, but just for the fun of it and to gain bragging rights, name me the "hidden" person of this post. Maybe I'll just give you a Hi-5 as a reward.

And yes, siah la!

Something Isn't Right Here In These Pages

2008-08-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

I used my weekend to do as much homework as I could. History, Literature, Economics, Math and Project Work. How come I'm not done with it yet? I literally used up my Friday evening, Saturday from 10 (wake-up) to 8pm (dinner time), followed by Sunday 10 to 7pm (Church time). I'm still left with excess homework.

Repeat title.

It's not like I've used the rest of the time to play. I also have my share of house chores. Get groceries, clean the house, see my cousins off to the flight home to the US. I have music lessons, Speech&Drama and Church to attend. Good thing I've got a brother to play games on my behalf.

I've decided to take some time off now. I don't think my mind can take much more
education for this week. Quite frankly, I'm tired of writing essays. Blogging is a supposed form of essay writing. Thankfully essay writing doesn't bore me when it comes to being self-satisfying.

Maybe next weekend I'll have time to read Superheroes and Philosophy. I'm also looking forward to going to Kino to buy me some new novels. Still missing Breaking Dawn by Steph Meyer . People sometimes ask me why I read books like that. Two words: Read broadly. I love reading different genres of books. Even if it's for all the wrong reasons. One thing I just can't read though would have to be Chick-rotica. I don't really know if those books classify under 'romance' but I'm happy I don't enjoy it.

You know, the kind where there's an alpha male meets female protagonist. The kind which usually involves the male being muscular, some captain of some pirate ship and the girl may just be some lowly maid. Male is an unrealistic character, female is the meek kind-hearted spirit. The male manages to satisfy all physical and emotional needs of female. Disturbingly long scenes of intimacy, described with the most intricate of adjectives and onomatopoeias. Worst of all, it all ends in happily ever after.

The plot line is simple:

Step 1: Girl meets guy
Step 2: Guy notices girl
Step 3: Complication!
Step 4: Guy saves girl in a heroic fashion
Step 5: More complication!
Step 6: Guy shows another round of chilvary
Step 7: Heroic actions lands them in bed (or any comfortable place, like a barn)
Step 8: *ahem*
Step 9: Solve all complications
Step 10: Exaggerated Happily-ever-after (Rule the world, Kill bad guys, Find the fortune)
Step 11: Optional step. Create hints for sequel. A potential complication.

If anyone wants to read something romantic but doesn't want it to appear like the above scenario where everything is cliché, I suggest reading the Twilight series. That includes Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. For something which is lighter, shows more maturity than the above 11 steps romance novel, Pride and Prejudice is a great start. Really.

Darcy might be an alpha male, but Lizzie is definitely no meek girl. The book is filled with more than just boy-meets-girl.

I wonder if Breaking Dawn is even in Singapore yet.

Plot synopsis is my long hated enemy.

And yes, no gold, no gold.

My Local Classic

2008-08-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is all in my head. It's all in my head.

Thank you Singapore. This is one National Day I truly and fully appreciate. Life milestone yesterday. First time, I've ever watched a movie with my school. No matter how absurd people think it is, I fine it genuinely fun. Don't care what the movie is, it's the company.

The long weekend is wonderful. Homework is a miraculous thing to complete during this wonderful patriotic season. Long live self-delusion!

I'm going to give myself 5 good reasons why staying in Singapore is beneficial to me. It might affect you, the reader, in one way or another. Word of caution: Do not copy my reasons for staying in Singapore. Go find your own reasons. Either that or go torrent your own reasons. Everyone seems to be getting better at torrenting.

I shall discard all negative impacts and shed to bright side of staying in this country. Some optimism please. Onward Singapore.

Reason Number 1: We're Multi-racial!
That's wonderful! Every race has its own specialty and I'm not talking about just food and culture. Just what the mind of a 17 year-old teenager who is growing would think about: girls. Off course, some of us are more intellectual than that, but what's the point of ignoring what you have. Big smiles everyone, big smiles. We have people from all over the world in Singapore, one of their daughters are bound to chilli padi. Don't mind me, I'm feeling rather locally spirited. I just had to use a Singaporean term.

Reason Number 2: We've got HDB!
Excellent. One of the 10 commandments is to love thy neighbour. HDB makes my job easier. More neighbours, more love to go around! I need not walk a street of 200m stretch to meet about 10 neighbours like in America. In Singapore, I can meet up to 40 neightbours by taking a lift right outside my house. I know our country is rather atheist in nature, everyone practices their own religion, but the government has done a fine job in helping me.

Reason Number 3: We've got Merlion!
No, this is not mockery. Think of another country where their iconic animal is mystical. If I'm not mistaken, Singapore has the only half-fish half-lion creature. When people think of Singapore, they think - exotic. Mr. Merlion is a symbol of powerful, mysterious national pride. To everyone who makes fun of our country's "adopted pet", the SPCA knows where you live.

Reason Number 4: We've got Singlish!
Sure, you might say most countries have a national language of their own. Their own accent, their own quirky phrasings. However, none do a better job of mocking our Colonial masters than Singlish. A language which is fun, insulting, easy-to-learn and extremely difficult for foreigners to imitate. It's unique, and I enjoy nothing more than to be special.

Reason Number 5: We are small!
In fact, I'm just happy that I'm just like Singapore. This makes me a true Singaporean. Just because we're small, doesn't mean we're nothing. I'm only small because of my height. Make no mistake about that. And since I'm a Singaporean, my excuse for height is that "Hey, I'm Asian". I do not believe in Calcium. I believe that big things come in small packages. Singapore justifies me.

I know. All this just doesn't seem right.

But when you're asking a guy who just lost his phone, what else can you expect? That's right people, I lost my phone. But don't get me wrong, I think I'll get it back. I didn't lose it per say. I detest long stories.

Then again, why am I doing literature?

And yes, the post is just like me.

Lyric Redemption

2008-08-04T09:22:00.001-07:00

I am addicted to it.

Singfest 08 was more than just a concert, more than just a simple "I had a good time". No, I had an elevation of the senses. My physical senses and my sense of belonging. The music was great, but honestly, when I slept through Sunday night, my dream reminded me that the company topped it off. Those people who went with me, they were my Oxygen. It somehow made us Closer.

The best part was that we were in range of all the performers. Way closer than Indonesia is from Singapore.

There was lots of moshing but I guess that war's over. I'm glad I listened to myself when I said "Keep my hands to myself". A guilty-free pleasure Singfest was. Thanks to Ck who gave his ticket to Jasper for Day 2 too. You rock out loud. No one beats any of theCrew, even if they can play the keyboard.

Singfest was something more to life to me. Although I'm not a big fan of cute ang moh guys, you still can't top these two days. It will be marked down as a watershed of my life. To these memories, I'm never gonna give you up. It was filled with hilarious games of Rockband, great moments of jumping, and intense moments of singing.

Personally, I always find concerts a great place to vent out emotions and have one good cry. Sort of like an angel of mercy.

And then it makes me look at the local bands and see how actually disappointing it was for them. I throughly, and I mean it, enjoy local music. I guess I have to being part of it myself. I listen to what our local bands produce, and it sadly goes unrecognized despite its strong fluidity and lyrics. When I Grow Up, I wanna be playing on that stage too. Whether or not there are many people, the sheer thrill of it will satisfy me.

Bummer that school starts tomorrow. But then, I won't worry my life away. I'm just going to wait for next year. I won't even bother trying to make a wish-list. I hate wish-lists mainly because they are expectations which have a high chance of not being met. Self-inflicted depression. It's Singfest, not Sadfest.

Don't cry, when you do, you're eyes are the size of the moon. Singfest will be back next year.

Pretty much every highlight of Singfest was made on theCrew blog by Jon. Kudos for him, and congrats for him to getting onto myPaper. We're globalising thanks to you. For us, for them, for you.

There's your easter eggs, now go get em' all.

Thank goodness we didn't end up at the nutcracker auditions.

And yes, it's a Wonderwall Haunting.

Epiphany

2008-07-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Almost as real as outraging of modest tea.

A hectic lifestyle will not deter me from posting. It shouldn't be the case. Just last week, a friend of mine said an innovative line which gave me some sort of inspiration. No, not self-realisation. Just inspiration.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. And let everyone guess on how you did that.

And that is probably the gist of what I want to achieve. Not in the long run, but it's mostly applied to my life in Junior College. I will make it a point to enjoy my life, while juggling with academic purpose. It's possible. It's been so far, and it will carry on. Honestly, I will compromise my studies to ensure that I , at the least, am able to look into a basin of water, see my reflection and say "You're okay".

Epiphanies are funny things. Self-realisation is a funny thing. Something that I realise about me now might not apply to me in the future. Would that have made my self-realisation a wrong one? Honestly, I don't care. I've learned that people change over courses of time and that's just a natural thing.

But there's one guy who really needs to get a proper epiphany now. He needs to realise that self-delusion is a hilarious thing in the late 2000s. Or in his case, it would be the mid 2030s. Who am I talking about? His name is John Titor, also known as Time Traveler. In case you're too busy to click the link on his name, let me just sum up some things about him so you can get a rough idea.

Name: John Titor
From: Earth, in the year 2036.
His claims: His posts came on an online forum where he posted pics of his time traveling machine.
- He dropped hints on Sept 11 terror attacks even before it happened.
- He predicted that the Beijing Olympic games will be the last of the Olympic games.
- America will go through Civil War and be split into 5 major states instead.
- Russia will rise once again and there will be nukes involved. Wow.
- There are many others which you can look up on. They are very interesting.

This man needs an epiphany for a simple reason. I think you can tell. But then again, I'm Catholic and I know what has happened in the bible. It would be wrong and kinda bad of me to post that kind of thoughts here. Hopefully you get my intentions. For all we know, he could be right. But for now, I still think he's a loco who needs to either:

a) See a shrink
b) Take some tranquilizer
c) Go on a pilgrimage
d) Start yoga classes to find his inner spirit

Actually, I suggest this to anyone who finds confusion within his own self. If you're pointing a finger at me now, telling me to do the same, I am fine thank you and have already found my own cure. Absolute best cure. No pun intended.

The world is turning into a queer queer place where all sorts of fun stuff pops up from the internet, books, and the media in general. I'm glad I was born in this era (and not 2036). I'm entertained every day of my life. As the number of interesting stories exponentially increase, you wonder whether the world is evolving into a more sophisticated race of people or if it's just the growing numbers of crazy people in the world due to global competition and stress. Oh wait, education around the world isn't like Singapore. My bad, over-generalisation.

Either that, or we're all just getting a little creative and much more better at lying with a straight face. Hooray.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the most eccentric of them all?

And yes, Michael J. Fox.

Dark Imagination & Bright Hands

2008-07-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

The mind can be morbid, but the hands must remain innocent.

Especially towards animals. The people at the SPCA mean business. You think putting animals to sleep is easy? Try putting a human down to eternal rest. 'Fatality' is a simple business now. I don't condone murder and I dread death. This is exactly why I feel ever more insecure about it now.

And as insecure as I am, my responses usually come out sarcastic and satirical.

After watching Chuck, I fear that the people around me may be CIA agents capable of wiping me off the face of the planet. I've watched CSI, Without A Trace and Lost. TV has taught me that anything is possible. It's not a game. It's a matter of life and death.

As embarrassing as it is, I still fear the obituaries section in the newspaper. No, fearing death is normal. However, some would say the fear of a piece of paper with ink is laughable. Some do not understand that words are stronger than the substance which forms them. Control of language is the control of emotions simply because thoughts can be translated into words. Call it what you may, but I haven't looked at the obituary section for over 7 years now. Even though I arranged for my grandfather's one, I did not dare look at the end product in the papers.

My mother says I have a strong sense of mortality. I personally feel it is excessive sometimes. Maybe the con that comes with having a large extended family is that death becomes more frequent. Especially if my extended family is more elderly-inclined. You could say I've grown up with a constant loss of relatives annually. It's sad.

Saying goodbyes can almost never be enough. Or for that matter, I have not learnt how that sense of satisfaction can be achieved. To finally catch the peace of a goodbye. Death is more than just a physical, it's an emotional and very-much figurative feeling. The "I'm sorry"s can never be enough after death. The "I should have done more"s come out more than they should.

Then you read stories like "The Lottery" and you start thinking how on a wide-scale, deaths of an individual, ten or even a hundred doesn't really matter to society in the long term. Society might sympathise, but do they internalise? Slowly, it made me feel that everyone just played societal cogs.

That American short-story was morbidly disturbing. Yet, it kept stirring this violent image in my head. It made violence seem "acceptable" which it isn't. I understand that Shirley Jackson was trying to show the two-faced nature of society and it sadly came to me in the picture of horror and cold sweat. Moreover, I watch the video of the music video of "Pioneer" by From Autumn to Ashes. After I leave this computer screen, I hope my cold sweat stops.

Morals and morality. I'm lucky enough to have great friends (: and a mind which tells me to pursue where the heart finds true joy and happiness. It's more than just the computer.

And yes, these hands are only for the keyboard.

The Gut-Wrenching Word

2008-07-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

Fatality.

It does have its fair share or literal and ironical meanings with the term. I personally love this word just because it means so much more than just a mere "ouch". It connotates the shear pain, yet pleasures my every sense. Fatality. Once you've been hit by it, you know some things are just meant to be. The perfect word for the perfect moment. Isn't that what life is about?

Okay, so there's still money, success, love, family and friends. But, life would not be ever greater sweetened if moments could not be tagged with words. youTube should have taught everyone that. Tags. Those are important. Like how you would want to search youTube for the video you want with a keyword, you would want that for your mind too. Yes, you do.

It is not right for the internet to be more organised than your own mind. What is this? Era de Terminator?

Sadly, my phone just became the source of my workflow. To make sure I'm on task with everything I have, I can't even afford the time to pick up a pen to stick to my work diary. Instead, I have to slap out Mr. E65 and jot down in his calendar. Sure, he's a business phone which was built to do that. But to imagine myself a slave to a 0.04kg phone, that's preposterous.

But I need him so much.

At least I know one thing's for sure, fatality can be applied in more than just the negative and painful parts of this earthly life. In fact, going to watch Avenue Q - that gives me the feeling that I'm going to be walking out the Esplanade going "Fatality - Perfect". I have some of the songs from the sound track, but to watch Avenue Q live would be a blow to the imagination. World acclaimed theatrical performance, superbly witty dialogue, an intricate storyline and puppets. If you demand more, you're becoming like Hitler - too damn greedy.

For those who struggle with anagrams, synonyms and acronyms, do not worry. Life pours out its own solutions. For example, dictionary.com. You see, in a strange way, and ironic, life will pour you some answer for your hell-bent knowledge-yearning mind.

Why do I raise this today? Because I know it is difficult to express oneself through. Words are easily lost and inappropriate words are easily found. Inappropriate words lead to embarrassment and miscommunication. God knows what will happen next. Read Teenage™ magazine (from Singapore). You will get what I mean. Words are a gem, precious to utilize. Somehow, you just don't wear sapphire on your neck to a mosh pit and you don't wear a giant unglam jade pendant to the prom. Fatality is certain for those situations.

On the bright side, I heard people say "lawl" now instead of laughing. Hey, one step towards a new era. Cheers. In that case, roffle back at you.

And yes, the internet is more than just for prawn.